Dresses Made For Your Body

by Linda Franklin

How often have you tried on a garment and loved the fit the first time around? Sounds nearly impossible doesn’t it? I know it is for me. If the top works then the skirt is too tight. Or the bottom is fine but it pulls across the breasts. Those one-size-fits all sizes really takes the fun out shopping.

All of us are uniquely built and enjoy our own sense of style. You know only to well, that when we look good, we feel good which allows our confidence to radiate in everything we do.

A perfect wardrobe pick-me-up is coming to your shopping rescue. NUMARI offers custom fit women’s wear. Yes, that means the styles we love, custom fit to your body measurements, and even styling preferences. Prefer to wear your dresses shorter or longer? Those customizations are included too. The brand is entirely focused on delivering a better product, with better functionality – ultimately those “go-to” pieces that live in your wardrobe for a long period of time.

Founded by two women entrepreneurs Komal Kushalraj and Arti Anand, NUMARI is built on the principle that every woman’s body and style is uniquely hers. After their own personal frustration with the existing standard sized apparel and trouble finding perfectly tailored garments, Komal and Arti decided to start NUMARI with a vision to make made-to-measure apparel accessible and affordable.

Their initial preview collection of dresses was fashioned by celebrity designer Bert Keeter (you may have also seen him on Project Runway) and features dresses that can easily be transitioned from the boardroom to cocktails.

What’s more, NUMARI stands for what’s important to all of us fabulous females. It’s a brand about confidence, individuality, and fun. The company describes a NUMARI woman as someone who is kind, smart and unapologetically ambitious. A woman who has deep appreciation for fashion and believes in impeccable presentation. Sound familiar?

So before you begin the next year, ask yourself: “Does my wardrobe inspire a sense of empowerment?” If not, make the change. Love how you feel inside and out. And own your moment.

To learn more about NUMARI and how it’s changing the way we shop for clothes visit their website and follow them on Facebook and Twitter.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Discovering Your Strengths

By Linda Franklin

Charlotte Beers is a titan of the advertising industry. She’s graced the cover of Fortune magazine as one of the most powerful women in business, worked for Presidential administrations, and currently serves on the Board of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.

In this video of her TEDx talk, Charlotte shares many insights about discovering your strengths, learning from your background and doing what needs to be done. She’s a very smart lady.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougars Hiding Preference For Younger Men

by Linda Franklin:

The personal emails I receive from my readers make the best blogs.   They capture what is really going on in the world of younger men who prefer being with an older woman.

This story may resonate with you.  If it does perhaps you can share your story too.   The man who wrote this is 39 and has always preferred older women.

Recently, I hit the dating websites after a few years absence, and one thing I noticed is how women in their 40’s and 50’s try to conceal their preferences for younger partners and how prevalent this is.

You would notice for example how a 46 year old woman gives “30-50” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a 50 year old woman gives “32-54” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a less subtle 48 year old woman gives “30-49” as her match’s age.

In a more transparent world, those age ranges would probably read as “26-38”  -“18-40” and “24-36”,  for our less subtle friend. The higher end of every range is probably what they’d consider an ideal marriage partner.

I would say that a sizable percentage of the profiles in the 40-60 age group reflected these same patterns. A lot of times women are guilty of the double standard themselves.

Men who have interest in younger partners are not shy at all about spelling out the true age-range they’re looking for. Granted, society conspires with men on the issue, but history shows that only when a critical mass ask for equality do we start to some real changes both in attitudes and facts on the ground.

It is a catch-22. Society is brutally harsh towards those women who would be open about their preferences. Yet without a critical mass speaking with one voice change won’t happen.

Do you agree with what this man is experiencing, or, are you the woman who is completely up front about the age of the man you want to date?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Man’s View On The Old Double Standard

I received the email below from a young man who had some very nice things to say about The Real Cougar Woman blog and especially the old double standard that I write about so often. Take a look and see if you agree.

Dear Linda:

I came across your blog and I am inspired by your work. You are a true leader and a true force of progress in society.

I am one of these men who have always been attracted to older women but almost all of the time yielded to the social pressures and dynamics and dated women my age. The double standards you so eloquently speak of are not only destructive to women. But to men too.
I am older (39yo) and a little wiser now and if time were to go back I would have done things very differently.

I could share some of my I stories but I am sure it is nothing you haven’t heard before. I see the double standards you speak of around me all the time. At work and beyond. In my work, I serve in some mid-level management role at a fortune-100 company. It is not a very high position but it still high enough to see see what you speak of around me at work all the time. I have seen women denied leadership positions they deserve when they’re more qualified and by far make better project managers and even better managers overall. I have seen women work so quietly and patiently without expecting any rewards. Work which is taken for granted and which when done by men is immediately recognized. I have seen all that and I have seen much more. Yet there is no place where the double standards are hurtful and even destructive to society than the realm of male-female unions and relationships. An older man having a relationship with a younger woman is turned into a hero even if there is zero track record of any substance to these relationships throughout history. An older woman having a real relationship with a younger man where they so effortlessly and naturally connect on every level (intellectually, emotionally, and sexually) and it is considered a criminal act by society with the couple vilified, scorned, and turned into social outcasts.

I loved your piece about Angela Merkel BTW. If only the whole world was run by Angela Merkels. If she were a man, fairy tales of her glory and statesmanship, and economic genius would fill the airwaves, be written in about countless books etc etc. The world hates women leaders. That is the sad truth. But with more voices like yours maybe society would change. Maybe the world would change. If one thinks of the changes that happened over the last 40years, one can hope that the changes needed here are not impossible. Humanity will eventually see the light sooner or late. Perhaps one day most of of the fortune 500 would be run women as they should be. Perhaps then too it would be celebrated with no reservations when a 45yo woman marries a 29yo man. Perhaps then it would be such an ordinary and frequent event that people would look back with amazement and amusement at the time when the world was up-side-down. It can happen and thanks to you it will.

With love and affection,
M.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sexual Attraction To Older Women

by Linda Franklin

I was surfing online this morning and found this interesting email from a 24 year old man who is attracted only to older women.   He wrote for advice from Betty Dodson.  Betty is an 80+ sex educator extraordinaire, so I wanted to share her insights with my readers.  By the way,  Betty and I share the same views on Cougar relationships, which have always gotten such a bad rap.  If you, or someone you know is questioning their attraction  – send them this brief article.

I am a good-looking 24 year old man. I am writing to talk about a strange psycho-sexual perversion I have. Since teenage years I am tremendously and almost exclusively attracted to older women, that is women who are 35 or above (the ages I find most attractive are 40 to 55 but I have fantasized about women a lot older than that too). This is not some fantasy for fit looking ‘milfs’ as is the trend these days, but I like women who look natural, have wrinkles, crow’s feet, grey streaks of hair and other markings of age.

I like women who have experienced life, understood themselves and their bodies and accepted the ways of nature- so the more a woman accepts her true physical body, the more I tend to find her irresistible. A woman who accepts her sexuality or her emotional nature or for that matter her strength or masculinity, should she be fundamentally that way, is attractive to me. I understand there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, except that this attraction seems exclusive, to the extent that it is very hard for me to stay aroused around younger partners, I have to think up some older women I fantasize about. This makes my love life terrible and hellish. I sometimes think I have this idealistic vision of an older woman who is radiating intelligence as well as motherly warmth, who respects and adores and accepts me, as she accepts herself, and we love each other deeply.

Let me elaborate. I can love and deeply care for women around my age (I am 24). I forge deep, loving emotional bonds with women in my age range, and usually these relationships are sisterly rather than romantic. But put in a woman above 35 around me and I start seeing something sexual in her.

My personal theory is that it results from how I grew up- I had a cold, undemonstrative mother and an almost cruel, truculent grandmother in my house when I was growing up. Also my mom always wanted to superficially hide her age and look younger. In fact I always used to ask her how old she was but she would never tell me. My mother also was rather strict and wanted me to suppress my sexuality, never masturbate or date in school. I feel that now when I see women who could fit in the roles of mothers or grandmothers for me, and are rather sweet, kind old women, I somehow get sexually aroused and fantasize of being intimate with them.

I know this is rather long, but I have tried to probe myself honestly. Given that society has such a taboo against younger men dating older women, I have never had an older lover. In fact i do not know how to find them. Most older women looking to have sex with younger men seem to treat men like young meat to be used for a fling. I therefore want to be able to feel sexual attraction to young girls as well.This is affecting my personal life. Please advise. I will be really grateful.

A

Dear A,

The dynamic you describe is more prevalent than we are led to believe. As a matter of fact, the whole “Cougar” phomenon deals with this in a crass commercial way that emphasizes the sexual double standard. When a man has the same interest, he’s called a “Silver Fox” and society completely approves. We often sneer at the older woman doing the same thing.

The first problem is your own harsh judgement. I would not consider this attraction of yours to be a “psycho-sexual perversion!” Embrace your attraction and learn from the experience. What you resist will persist.

Throughout my seventies, I had a live-in lover who was some 40 years younger. He became my apprentice and I taught him about sex from my POV. After 10 years, he moved along and has since gotten married to an age appropriate young woman. So I personally know the joys and pitfalls of the younger/older couple dynamic. For any young man, having an older woman who is knowledgeable about sex as a lover is the best way to learn about sex. Get my e-book *Orgasms for Two* which reflects the special relationship I had with my very young lover.

Now that I’m in my early 80’s, a younger man would be in his 40’s or 50’s. But if you lived next door, I swoop you up in a heartbeat and you would be ravished by a wise old grandmother. Well, it’s at least fun to fantasize isn’t it. Acceptance my dear boy, acceptance. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older women. Declare your sexual independence day and Live out this attraction which will liberate you to be free to enjoy both younger and older women.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women’s Sexual Fantasies Updated

By Linda Franklin

There’s a new book out that is aiming to revamp Nancy Friday’s 1973 bedroom rulebook, My Secret Garden. Ah yes, remember it well.

Garden Of Desires: The Evolution Of Women’s  Sexual Fantasies by Emily Dubberley delves into the female sexual zeitgeist and explores what’s changed (and why) when it comes to women and sex over the past  40 years: specifically, what turns us on these days.

In her book Dubberley zones in on five key  female sexual desires. And they are?    submissive fantasies, dominant fantasies, exhibitionism and voyeurism, group  sex, and partner fantasies.

SUBMISSIVE  FANTASIES

Fantasies of this nature vary from simply  being tied-up to the bed all the way through to having a formalized sex contract  complete with rules about which way you look, in the vein of Christian Grey and  Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades Of Grey.

Props such as whips, handcuffs, gags and  blindfolds are common in this type of fantasy.

Submissions could be emotional or physical  and may involve role-play – in some cases even going as far as pretending to be  a rape victim or a sex slave.

DOMINANT  FANTASIES

When the roles are reversed and the man  becomes the submissive to the female dominatrix. Role-play includes cheating on  a partner and being in control of a sex slave.

With research suggesting it’s very popular,  and almost a third of people report having these fantasies at some point, the  (sometimes literal ball-buster is a very popular role indeed.

The fantasy is about the woman being in  control of what happens in bed and inflicting both pleasure and pain as she sees  fit.

EXHIBITIONISM AND  VOYEURISM

Whether you’re doing it in the garden, the  park, on an aeroplane, in the stationery closet at work or simply beside an open window in your own home, the idea of being somewhere where you could get  caught or even be watched is a big turn-on for women.

Indeed, women in the book talk about the  secondary eroticism of watching others having sex, and the excitement of being  intimate when you know for certain you are being watched.

GROUP SEX

With so much going on when you have sex as  part of a group, many women relish the idea of being very, er, well-looked.

There is also an element of anonymity in some  cases, or, if you are part of a couple, bringing something new, different and  exciting into the bedroom.

For others the idea of experimenting with  your sexuality by engaging intimately with a member of the same sex is where the  fantasy lies.

PARTNER  FANTASIES

Quite simply, the idea of having sex with a  loving, exclusive partner really gets women hot under the collar.

Similarly, the idea of regular sex with a  specific partner who is not your own is also a fantasy, for example a celebrity,  a friend, or a work colleague crush.

Well, there you have it.  Do you agree with the latest findings?  Or do you have your own secret garden fantasy you want to share with us?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Karl Lagerfeld Calling Angela Merkel Fat?

by Linda Franklin

Karl Lagerfeld is at it again!  When is he going to learn to keep his mouth shut?  A designer who amassed great wealth from dressing women, sure doesn’t have much respect for the female population.

Recently he had this to say about German chancellor Angela Merkel – “she should dress ‘according to her special proportions’.  How dismissive is that cutting statement? And, remember he previously called Adele too fat, Michelle Obama’s fringe haircut a bad idea and Pippa Middleton should only show her back.

This 79 year old fashionista is either losing his marbles or needs a few lessons on how to charm the population who has buttered his bread for so many decades.  Come on Mr. Lagerfeld get with the program.  Perhaps you need to take a long look in the mirror.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

Sharon Stone on Aging and Sexuality

by Linda Franklin

Sharon Stone has never been the shy type so when she talked about aging and sexuality now that she’s 55 I was curious to what she had to say.

And,  even at 55, she has  no problem attracting younger men in a town that worships youth.  She is not alone – women tell me the same thing all the time.  Older woman have a special je ne sais quoi that’s quite intoxicating.

“It’s not like fifty is the new thirty. It’s like fifty is the new chapter. We know so much at this age, and people realize we’re the ones with experience. We’re a very colorful generation that is leading once again.

People are afraid of changing; that they’re losing something. They don’t understand that they are also gaining something.

I thought I lost the deep vortex on my eyelid that you have when you’re younger, but I gained almost a kind of beautiful abyss. As I lost the fullness in my face, I got in these great cheekbones. I can’t tell you how many doctors try to sell me a facelift. I’ve even gone as far as having someone talk me into it, but when I went over and looked at pictures of myself, I thought, “What are they going to lift?”

Yes, I have come close – but, frankly, I think that in the art of aging well there’s this sexuality to having those imperfections. It’s sensual.”

I feel more beautiful and sensual today than I did at 22…older women turn me on”.

There you have it.  Love yourself no matter what age you are.  When you do – others will too.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Identifying Your Sexual Personality

by Linda Franklin

I never really thought about it but apparently, we all have a sexual personality.  And, understanding yours (and your partner’s) is the key to having great sex together.

Here are the differently categories your sexual personality fall into:

Energizers

Catch you on a good day and you’re an exciting, seductive creature who mesmerizes and dazzles your lovers with bucket loads of confidence, extraordinary technique and unbridled enthusiasm. The downside is you’re a little self-absorbed and like to be top of the game in everything you do – including sex.

Is this you?

• Are you pretty much up for anything? You like talking dirty, watching porn, trying out sex toys and having sex outside?
• When you ask ‘How was it for you?’ do you really mean ‘How was I?’…?
• Do you see sex as a source of pleasure, fun and a great way to connect to your partner? 

Stabilizers

Cautious and cooperative, as the name suggests, you’ll do anything for a peaceful life. Kind and generous, you initially present as heaven on a stick – especially to someone who’s just emerged, bruised and battered from a relationship with a demanding energizer. But – unusually – you’d rather give than receive pleasure. You don’t like talking about sex problems and tend to clam up.

Is this you?

• Do you get more pleasure giving than receiving?
• Do you feel uncomfortable speaking up about what you need your partner to do to satisfy you?
• Do partners often ask if you enjoy having sex with them because they’re not sure?

Connectors

For you, sex is more about expressing love and feelings than it is physical release. You’re less interested in sexual performance and more focused on the emotional benefits of sex: intimacy rather than orgasm is your aim.

Is this you?

• Are you more inclined to cuddle up than initiate sex?
• Does the emotional temperature have to be just right before you can get in the mood for sex?
• Are you more interested in romantic sex than lusty or ‘dirty’ sex?

Worriers

It’s not that you don’t enjoy sex, it’s just something that’s often fraught with anxiety. You often feel under pressure to perform and worry you’re inadequate – both in how you look and what you’re doing in bed.

Is this you?

• Do you have a naturally low libido – or none at all?
• Have you had some distressing sexual encounters in your past and think of sex as something to be feared or disliked?
• Is your self-esteem low both in bed and out of it? 

Controllers

You like routine both in and out of the bedroom and the feeling of being in control. You dislike change and find it quite stressful so the impromptu sexual surprise that would thrill others, instead freaks you out. Predictable sex that follows a tried-and-true set pattern is your idea of sexual nirvana.

Is this you?

• Do you feel threatened or insulted if your partner wants to try something new?
• Can you only orgasm through a particular, often quite specific technique?
• Do you like to be in control of your emotions generally? 

If you don’t fall into any of these categories, please feel free to comment on other options.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Feeling Good When Life Sucks –

by Linda Franklin 

Feeling good when everything is going your way is easy.  But what about when the s**t is hitting the fan, you feel like you have no control and nothing is going your way?

You can choose to throw your hands in the air, be a victim and forever proclaim the world to be a bad place, out to get people.

OR you can choose to ask what lessons the Universe is sending your way.  What lessons have you missed in past experiences that the Universe is now slamming you over the head with?  What lessons do you need to learn?

The principles below can be applied to all of life’s challenges – facing divorce, job loss, major financial difficulties, loss of a close family member and so on.

1.       You’re not a victim.  Take responsibility for your life.

If “these things” keep happening to you or you keep attracting the same kind of negative people, stop being the kind of person that attracts those kinds of people and circumstances.

Find people who seem to be immune to these things, spend time with them, study them.  Emulate them.

Take responsibility for your part in the situation.  This does not mean being the martyr and assuming responsibility for everything.  You’re only taking responsibility for your actions.

2.       You can’t control other people or your environment.  Stop trying to control.

If other people let you down or don’t do what you expect of them, ask if your expectations are realistic.  If you were the other person, would you appreciate someone writing a script for you and getting mad when you don’t follow it?

The only thing you can control 100% is you – your thoughts, feelings and actions.  Focus on that and let the rest go.

You can’t control the results or outcome.  You can only do your best and let the Universe handle the rest.

3.       Find the joy in the journey.

What’s great about what’s happening?

What are you learning?

How are you better because of what happened?

4.       Smile – even when, or especially when, things aren’t going how you would like.

Whenever I’m feeling down, the first thing I do is smile a great, big smile for thirty seconds.  It’s hard to feel bad when you’re smiling.  If it only helps a little, rinse and repeat as often as it takes.

If you’re doing something that seems difficult (mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually), smile and relax your jaw.  The task will become much easier.

5.       Don’t take anything personally.

Whatever people say and do is all about them.  They’re trying to satisfy their own agenda.

If they’re upset with you, it’s because you’re not following the script they wrote for you (and forgot to tell you about).

If they blame things on you, it’s because they’re not willing to take responsibility for themselves.

If they can’t accept you as you are, it’s because of their own limiting beliefs.

6.       Decide to be happy, no matter what.

This doesn’t mean that you should be blissfully happy all the time.  How boring.

You need up’s and down’s to keep life exciting.  Without challenges, how would you learn and grow?  Without negatives, the positives wouldn’t feel as good.

Your attitude toward life has everything to do with your feelings about life.  If you have a positive attitude that things will eventually work out for the best and you act on that belief, you can feel good about the situation.

You can choose to be happy, regardless of what’s happening around you.

Putting Principles into Practice

I realize that these principles are simple but not always easy to implement.  They take practice.

In order to fully implement them in your life in a way that results in more happiness, you’ll need to become more mindful, more aware of what’s happening in the moment, without reacting according to your old scripts.

You’ll need to pause in the midst of chaos to take a deep breath and become aware of those old scripts and consciously change them.  At first this might mean simply doing nothing – not reacting, being silent, reflecting in the moment.  With practice, you’ll develop alternative responses.  Sometimes these will help and sometimes they won’t.  Learn from the experience and continue to experiment.

There will never be a point where you’ll always know the perfect thing to say or do that will quickly lead to bliss.  There will always be too many new variables with which you’ll contend.

But, with practice, the process of resolving issues and moving away from chaos will become easier.  These principles will guide the way.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.