New Year Resolution That Actually Works

by Linda Franklin

New Years Resolution That Works Like you, I have read countless renditions of why New Year’s resolutions never work. We make promises to ourselves that we don’t keep and then kick ourselves in the ass because we didn’t.

Well I think that may change if you can actually do what Laurie Johnson suggests. I know I am taking her words of wisdom to heart and plan to start 2014 doing things in a more productive way.

Here is what Laurie suggests:

Just like creating successful vision boards, prayers and spells, there is a method to making New Year’s resolutions successful and it’s above and beyond just making a list or announcing how you’re going to change.

If you’re really committed to bringing a change or newness into your life, here is a formula that is taken from several different spiritual practices, all with the same core ideas, boiled down into a simple working instruction manual. The trick is, as it is with everything: the more you put into it, the more you get back.

Be very clear what you want. That sounds too simple, but the truth is most people know what they want in theory, not in fact. Some practices say to be exact and detailed in creating an intention. However, because we are aware of perhaps only one or two ways out of 1,000 to get what we want, being detailed limits how a desire can be accomplished.

We all have guides, angels and ancestors helping us achieve these goals. They know so much more about what is possible than we do. Give them your clarity and let them do the details. By saying: “I have my perfect job that provides more money than I need, in a convenient location with respectful co-workers and a smart, understanding boss who appreciates me,” your spiritual posse can bring you something in a way you might not have considered that is better than you could have imagined.

Know you deserve it. Many times I’ve met people who want a love spell that is more about finding someone to fix them than it’s about finding a soul mate. That can be seen as the same thing but it isn’t. If you’re unhappy that you’re overweight and want to call in someone to understand all the traumas you’ve had in your life without working on them yourself, all you get is someone who is as displeased with their bodies as you are and is looking for someone to understand them. You get what you put out. So know you deserve what you’re resolving to get or work on changing that within yourself before you call anything else to you.

Believe you get what you ask for. If you put out clear resolutions verbally but your energy is exuding doubt and resentment because you don’t believe anything will change for you, you’ve already defeated your intentions. Again, what you put out is what you get back. If you don’t have faith you can get what you ask for, take a leap.

Give your guides, angels and ancestors permission to help. The energies that look out for us help us accomplish whatever we ask for. But there’s a non-interference clause on the other side that stops them fixing things that we don’t ask for. So give them permission to help you accomplish your goals in any way they see fit for your best and highest interest.

Using correct words is vital. It’s important to put your resolutions in words that do the best good. That means avoid all negative “n” words: no, not, never, especially negative contractions. And avoid all words expressing lack, like “need”, “want”, “desire”, “wish”, “require”. The subconscious, which changes your vibrations to accept what you ask for, skips over any negative “n” words, usually with the same vehemence a negative statement is said. “I won’t eat sugar anymore!” That just programs you to eat sugar. “I want happiness in my life.” That indicates you don’t have it so the vibe this statement puts off is of lack, which only brings lack back. Instead: “I eat healthy foods without sugar.” and “I call happiness to my life.”

Keep it in the present tense. The future never comes. To tell yourself and your spiritual posse that you will accomplish something puts it forever out of reach. “I have…” “I am…” “I do…” are all far more successful and much clearer for your subconscious and guides to understand. The spiritual realm lives without our concept of time, so using the future tense only sends unclear messages.

Now using all of the above, make a list of 40 things you resolve to accomplish. 40 is a powerful, sacred number used through time to create change. This can be a list of 40 different things, or 40 versions of the same thing.

If you’re working on knowing you deserve something first, start the 40 things with “I am a worthy human being.” Then write 39 things or ways you deserve to get your desire, all starting with “I deserve… (to be loved, to have happiness in my life, to have a fulfilling job, etc.)”.

Read this list aloud to yourself right before you go to bed (and right after you wake up, or either/or) for 40 days in a row. Doing it at night makes it the thing your subconscious focuses on while you sleep; doing it in the morning programs your subconscious to think and work on it all day. If you skip one day, start again from Day One. You need the cumulative energy of 40 days in a row to really make change.

During the reading of the list (or before or after), take the time to feel the success of what you asked for as if it’s already happened. We accomplish more with intention and resolutions if we involve all our senses when asking for them. So if you’re calling a new home to you, feel your satisfaction of being in the new home as if it’s already happened.

At the end of the 40 days, burn the list and let your new vibration work for you. Allow it to work without worry, fear or resentment. Have patience, have faith and let go of the control.

Also be aware there are specific days of the week that are best to start resolutions that aren’t necessarily January 1st (or January 31st if you go by Chinese Astrology). None of them are Monday or Wednesday. Here’s why:

Monday is ruled by the Moon so anything started on Monday changes all the time, as the Moon changes her appearance in our orbit daily.Wednesday is ruled by Mercury and moves very quickly in an 88 day orbit around the Sun. Starting things on Wednesday means anything long term will come to conclusion much faster than intended.

Tuesday is a good day to start almost anything as it’s ruled by Mars, with good fire energy to accomplish most resolutions. If it’s about business – especially the entertainment or creative business – Thursday is your day. It’s ruled by Jupiter and is about expansiveness, growth and success. And Jupiter is very fond of creative people and artistic endeavors.

If you’re resolving anything to do with your body, as in eating better, losing weight or staying in shape, then, for women, start on a Friday (ruled by Venus) or for men, on Tuesday (again, ruled by Mars). To call love to you, start on a Friday for both men and women. To change the structure of your life or things regarding where you live, start on Saturday (ruled by Saturn). Call joy and happiness to you on Sunday(ruled by the Sun).

I wish us all great good luck and growth for our journey as human beings in 2014.

Happy New Year!

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Dresses Made For Your Body

by Linda Franklin

Dress  Made For Your Body  Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanHow often have you tried on a garment and loved the fit the first time around? Sounds nearly impossible doesn’t it? I know it is for me. If the top works then the skirt is too tight. Or the bottom is fine but it pulls across the breasts. Those one-size-fits all sizes really takes the fun out shopping.

All of us are uniquely built and enjoy our own sense of style. You know only to well, that when we look good, we feel good which allows our confidence to radiate in everything we do.

A perfect wardrobe pick-me-up is coming to your shopping rescue. NUMARI offers custom fit women’s wear. Yes, that means the styles we love, custom fit to your body measurements, and even styling preferences. Prefer to wear your dresses shorter or longer? Those customizations are included too. The brand is entirely focused on delivering a better product, with better functionality – ultimately those “go-to” pieces that live in your wardrobe for a long period of time.

Founded by two women entrepreneurs Komal Kushalraj and Arti Anand, NUMARI is built on the principle that every woman’s body and style is uniquely hers. After their own personal frustration with the existing standard sized apparel and trouble finding perfectly tailored garments, Komal and Arti decided to start NUMARI with a vision to make made-to-measure apparel accessible and affordable.

Their initial preview collection of dresses was fashioned by celebrity designer Bert Keeter (you may have also seen him on Project Runway) and features dresses that can easily be transitioned from the boardroom to cocktails.

What’s more, NUMARI stands for what’s important to all of us fabulous females. It’s a brand about confidence, individuality, and fun. The company describes a NUMARI woman as someone who is kind, smart and unapologetically ambitious. A woman who has deep appreciation for fashion and believes in impeccable presentation. Sound familiar?

So before you begin the next year, ask yourself: “Does my wardrobe inspire a sense of empowerment?” If not, make the change. Love how you feel inside and out. And own your moment.

To learn more about NUMARI and how it’s changing the way we shop for clothes visit their website and follow them on Facebook and Twitter.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Discovering Your Strengths

By Linda Franklin

Charlotte Beers is a titan of the advertising industry. She’s graced the cover of Fortune magazine as one of the most powerful women in business, worked for Presidential administrations, and currently serves on the Board of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.

In this video of her TEDx talk, Charlotte shares many insights about discovering your strengths, learning from your background and doing what needs to be done. She’s a very smart lady.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougars Hiding Preference For Younger Men

by Linda Franklin:

Cougars Hiding Preference for Younger Men Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanThe personal emails I receive from my readers make the best blogs.   They capture what is really going on in the world of younger men who prefer being with an older woman.

This story may resonate with you.  If it does perhaps you can share your story too.   The man who wrote this is 39 and has always preferred older women.

Recently, I hit the dating websites after a few years absence, and one thing I noticed is how women in their 40’s and 50’s try to conceal their preferences for younger partners and how prevalent this is.

You would notice for example how a 46 year old woman gives “30-50” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a 50 year old woman gives “32-54” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a less subtle 48 year old woman gives “30-49” as her match’s age.

In a more transparent world, those age ranges would probably read as “26-38”  -“18-40” and “24-36”,  for our less subtle friend. The higher end of every range is probably what they’d consider an ideal marriage partner.

I would say that a sizable percentage of the profiles in the 40-60 age group reflected these same patterns. A lot of times women are guilty of the double standard themselves.

Men who have interest in younger partners are not shy at all about spelling out the true age-range they’re looking for. Granted, society conspires with men on the issue, but history shows that only when a critical mass ask for equality do we start to some real changes both in attitudes and facts on the ground.

It is a catch-22. Society is brutally harsh towards those women who would be open about their preferences. Yet without a critical mass speaking with one voice change won’t happen.

Do you agree with what this man is experiencing, or, are you the woman who is completely up front about the age of the man you want to date?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Man’s View On The Old Double Standard

Mans View of the Old Double Standard Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI received the email below from a young man who had some very nice things to say about The Real Cougar Woman blog and especially the old double standard that I write about so often. Take a look and see if you agree.

Dear Linda:

I came across your blog and I am inspired by your work. You are a true leader and a true force of progress in society.

I am one of these men who have always been attracted to older women but almost all of the time yielded to the social pressures and dynamics and dated women my age. The double standards you so eloquently speak of are not only destructive to women. But to men too.
I am older (39yo) and a little wiser now and if time were to go back I would have done things very differently.

I could share some of my I stories but I am sure it is nothing you haven’t heard before. I see the double standards you speak of around me all the time. At work and beyond. In my work, I serve in some mid-level management role at a fortune-100 company. It is not a very high position but it still high enough to see see what you speak of around me at work all the time. I have seen women denied leadership positions they deserve when they’re more qualified and by far make better project managers and even better managers overall. I have seen women work so quietly and patiently without expecting any rewards. Work which is taken for granted and which when done by men is immediately recognized. I have seen all that and I have seen much more. Yet there is no place where the double standards are hurtful and even destructive to society than the realm of male-female unions and relationships. An older man having a relationship with a younger woman is turned into a hero even if there is zero track record of any substance to these relationships throughout history. An older woman having a real relationship with a younger man where they so effortlessly and naturally connect on every level (intellectually, emotionally, and sexually) and it is considered a criminal act by society with the couple vilified, scorned, and turned into social outcasts.

I loved your piece about Angela Merkel BTW. If only the whole world was run by Angela Merkels. If she were a man, fairy tales of her glory and statesmanship, and economic genius would fill the airwaves, be written in about countless books etc etc. The world hates women leaders. That is the sad truth. But with more voices like yours maybe society would change. Maybe the world would change. If one thinks of the changes that happened over the last 40years, one can hope that the changes needed here are not impossible. Humanity will eventually see the light sooner or late. Perhaps one day most of of the fortune 500 would be run women as they should be. Perhaps then too it would be celebrated with no reservations when a 45yo woman marries a 29yo man. Perhaps then it would be such an ordinary and frequent event that people would look back with amazement and amusement at the time when the world was up-side-down. It can happen and thanks to you it will.

With love and affection,
M.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women’s Sexual Fantasies Updated

Women's Sexual Fantasies Updated Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanBy Linda Franklin

There’s a new book out that is aiming to revamp Nancy Friday’s 1973 bedroom rulebook, My Secret Garden. Ah yes, remember it well.

Garden Of Desires: The Evolution Of Women’s  Sexual Fantasies by Emily Dubberley delves into the female sexual zeitgeist and explores what’s changed (and why) when it comes to women and sex over the past  40 years: specifically, what turns us on these days.

In her book Dubberley zones in on five key  female sexual desires. And they are?    submissive fantasies, dominant fantasies, exhibitionism and voyeurism, group  sex, and partner fantasies.

SUBMISSIVE  FANTASIES

Fantasies of this nature vary from simply  being tied-up to the bed all the way through to having a formalized sex contract  complete with rules about which way you look, in the vein of Christian Grey and  Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades Of Grey.

Props such as whips, handcuffs, gags and  blindfolds are common in this type of fantasy.

Submissions could be emotional or physical  and may involve role-play – in some cases even going as far as pretending to be  a rape victim or a sex slave.

DOMINANT  FANTASIES

When the roles are reversed and the man  becomes the submissive to the female dominatrix. Role-play includes cheating on  a partner and being in control of a sex slave.

With research suggesting it’s very popular,  and almost a third of people report having these fantasies at some point, the  (sometimes literal ball-buster is a very popular role indeed.

The fantasy is about the woman being in  control of what happens in bed and inflicting both pleasure and pain as she sees  fit.

EXHIBITIONISM AND  VOYEURISM

Whether you’re doing it in the garden, the  park, on an aeroplane, in the stationery closet at work or simply beside an open window in your own home, the idea of being somewhere where you could get  caught or even be watched is a big turn-on for women.

Indeed, women in the book talk about the  secondary eroticism of watching others having sex, and the excitement of being  intimate when you know for certain you are being watched.

GROUP SEX

With so much going on when you have sex as  part of a group, many women relish the idea of being very, er, well-looked.

There is also an element of anonymity in some  cases, or, if you are part of a couple, bringing something new, different and  exciting into the bedroom.

For others the idea of experimenting with  your sexuality by engaging intimately with a member of the same sex is where the  fantasy lies.

PARTNER  FANTASIES

Quite simply, the idea of having sex with a  loving, exclusive partner really gets women hot under the collar.

Similarly, the idea of regular sex with a  specific partner who is not your own is also a fantasy, for example a celebrity,  a friend, or a work colleague crush.

Well, there you have it.  Do you agree with the latest findings?  Or do you have your own secret garden fantasy you want to share with us?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Tweeters Shared Insights On Dating After Divorce

Tweeters Shared Insights On Dating After Divorce Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanDating after divorce can be daunting to most folks.  . So many are worried that they have so little to offer.

No doubt you are selling yourself way too short with that negative thinking and the folks on  Twitter seem to agree.

On Tuesday, tweeters shared the things they’re looking for in a potential date using the hashtag #10thingsimattractedto. The big surprise? Most people were entirely reasonable about what they expect in a partner.

Here’s what they tweeted.  What are you looking for when it comes to a great date or potential mate?

  • Someone who isn’t afraid to show their emotions
  • A man with manners who treats me with respect
  • Guys who don’t cheat
  • Men who are good with children and animals
  • Combination of compassion, intellect, sense of humor and humility
  • Self respect, confidence, Intelligence, Honesty, Modesty, Ambition, Perceptive
  • Easy to talk to

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.