There’s a new book out that is aiming to revamp Nancy Friday’s 1973 bedroom rulebook, My Secret Garden. Ah yes, remember it well.
Garden Of Desires: The Evolution Of Women’s Sexual Fantasies by Emily Dubberley delves into the female sexual zeitgeist and explores what’s changed (and why) when it comes to women and sex over the past 40 years: specifically, what turns us on these days.
In her book Dubberley zones in on five key female sexual desires. And they are? submissive fantasies, dominant fantasies, exhibitionism and voyeurism, group sex, and partner fantasies.
Fantasies of this nature vary from simply being tied-up to the bed all the way through to having a formalized sex contract complete with rules about which way you look, in the vein of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades Of Grey.
Props such as whips, handcuffs, gags and blindfolds are common in this type of fantasy.
Submissions could be emotional or physical and may involve role-play – in some cases even going as far as pretending to be a rape victim or a sex slave.
When the roles are reversed and the man becomes the submissive to the female dominatrix. Role-play includes cheating on a partner and being in control of a sex slave.
With research suggesting it’s very popular, and almost a third of people report having these fantasies at some point, the (sometimes literal ball-buster is a very popular role indeed.
The fantasy is about the woman being in control of what happens in bed and inflicting both pleasure and pain as she sees fit.
EXHIBITIONISM AND VOYEURISM
Whether you’re doing it in the garden, the park, on an aeroplane, in the stationery closet at work or simply beside an open window in your own home, the idea of being somewhere where you could get caught or even be watched is a big turn-on for women.
Indeed, women in the book talk about the secondary eroticism of watching others having sex, and the excitement of being intimate when you know for certain you are being watched.
With so much going on when you have sex as part of a group, many women relish the idea of being very, er, well-looked.
There is also an element of anonymity in some cases, or, if you are part of a couple, bringing something new, different and exciting into the bedroom.
For others the idea of experimenting with your sexuality by engaging intimately with a member of the same sex is where the fantasy lies.
Quite simply, the idea of having sex with a loving, exclusive partner really gets women hot under the collar.
Similarly, the idea of regular sex with a specific partner who is not your own is also a fantasy, for example a celebrity, a friend, or a work colleague crush.
Well, there you have it. Do you agree with the latest findings? Or do you have your own secret garden fantasy you want to share with us?
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.