New Year Resolution That Actually Works

by Linda Franklin

New Years Resolution That Works Like you, I have read countless renditions of why New Year’s resolutions never work. We make promises to ourselves that we don’t keep and then kick ourselves in the ass because we didn’t.

Well I think that may change if you can actually do what Laurie Johnson suggests. I know I am taking her words of wisdom to heart and plan to start 2014 doing things in a more productive way.

Here is what Laurie suggests:

Just like creating successful vision boards, prayers and spells, there is a method to making New Year’s resolutions successful and it’s above and beyond just making a list or announcing how you’re going to change.

If you’re really committed to bringing a change or newness into your life, here is a formula that is taken from several different spiritual practices, all with the same core ideas, boiled down into a simple working instruction manual. The trick is, as it is with everything: the more you put into it, the more you get back.

Be very clear what you want. That sounds too simple, but the truth is most people know what they want in theory, not in fact. Some practices say to be exact and detailed in creating an intention. However, because we are aware of perhaps only one or two ways out of 1,000 to get what we want, being detailed limits how a desire can be accomplished.

We all have guides, angels and ancestors helping us achieve these goals. They know so much more about what is possible than we do. Give them your clarity and let them do the details. By saying: “I have my perfect job that provides more money than I need, in a convenient location with respectful co-workers and a smart, understanding boss who appreciates me,” your spiritual posse can bring you something in a way you might not have considered that is better than you could have imagined.

Know you deserve it. Many times I’ve met people who want a love spell that is more about finding someone to fix them than it’s about finding a soul mate. That can be seen as the same thing but it isn’t. If you’re unhappy that you’re overweight and want to call in someone to understand all the traumas you’ve had in your life without working on them yourself, all you get is someone who is as displeased with their bodies as you are and is looking for someone to understand them. You get what you put out. So know you deserve what you’re resolving to get or work on changing that within yourself before you call anything else to you.

Believe you get what you ask for. If you put out clear resolutions verbally but your energy is exuding doubt and resentment because you don’t believe anything will change for you, you’ve already defeated your intentions. Again, what you put out is what you get back. If you don’t have faith you can get what you ask for, take a leap.

Give your guides, angels and ancestors permission to help. The energies that look out for us help us accomplish whatever we ask for. But there’s a non-interference clause on the other side that stops them fixing things that we don’t ask for. So give them permission to help you accomplish your goals in any way they see fit for your best and highest interest.

Using correct words is vital. It’s important to put your resolutions in words that do the best good. That means avoid all negative “n” words: no, not, never, especially negative contractions. And avoid all words expressing lack, like “need”, “want”, “desire”, “wish”, “require”. The subconscious, which changes your vibrations to accept what you ask for, skips over any negative “n” words, usually with the same vehemence a negative statement is said. “I won’t eat sugar anymore!” That just programs you to eat sugar. “I want happiness in my life.” That indicates you don’t have it so the vibe this statement puts off is of lack, which only brings lack back. Instead: “I eat healthy foods without sugar.” and “I call happiness to my life.”

Keep it in the present tense. The future never comes. To tell yourself and your spiritual posse that you will accomplish something puts it forever out of reach. “I have…” “I am…” “I do…” are all far more successful and much clearer for your subconscious and guides to understand. The spiritual realm lives without our concept of time, so using the future tense only sends unclear messages.

Now using all of the above, make a list of 40 things you resolve to accomplish. 40 is a powerful, sacred number used through time to create change. This can be a list of 40 different things, or 40 versions of the same thing.

If you’re working on knowing you deserve something first, start the 40 things with “I am a worthy human being.” Then write 39 things or ways you deserve to get your desire, all starting with “I deserve… (to be loved, to have happiness in my life, to have a fulfilling job, etc.)”.

Read this list aloud to yourself right before you go to bed (and right after you wake up, or either/or) for 40 days in a row. Doing it at night makes it the thing your subconscious focuses on while you sleep; doing it in the morning programs your subconscious to think and work on it all day. If you skip one day, start again from Day One. You need the cumulative energy of 40 days in a row to really make change.

During the reading of the list (or before or after), take the time to feel the success of what you asked for as if it’s already happened. We accomplish more with intention and resolutions if we involve all our senses when asking for them. So if you’re calling a new home to you, feel your satisfaction of being in the new home as if it’s already happened.

At the end of the 40 days, burn the list and let your new vibration work for you. Allow it to work without worry, fear or resentment. Have patience, have faith and let go of the control.

Also be aware there are specific days of the week that are best to start resolutions that aren’t necessarily January 1st (or January 31st if you go by Chinese Astrology). None of them are Monday or Wednesday. Here’s why:

Monday is ruled by the Moon so anything started on Monday changes all the time, as the Moon changes her appearance in our orbit daily.Wednesday is ruled by Mercury and moves very quickly in an 88 day orbit around the Sun. Starting things on Wednesday means anything long term will come to conclusion much faster than intended.

Tuesday is a good day to start almost anything as it’s ruled by Mars, with good fire energy to accomplish most resolutions. If it’s about business – especially the entertainment or creative business – Thursday is your day. It’s ruled by Jupiter and is about expansiveness, growth and success. And Jupiter is very fond of creative people and artistic endeavors.

If you’re resolving anything to do with your body, as in eating better, losing weight or staying in shape, then, for women, start on a Friday (ruled by Venus) or for men, on Tuesday (again, ruled by Mars). To call love to you, start on a Friday for both men and women. To change the structure of your life or things regarding where you live, start on Saturday (ruled by Saturn). Call joy and happiness to you on Sunday(ruled by the Sun).

I wish us all great good luck and growth for our journey as human beings in 2014.

Happy New Year!

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Dresses Made For Your Body

by Linda Franklin

Dress  Made For Your Body  Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanHow often have you tried on a garment and loved the fit the first time around? Sounds nearly impossible doesn’t it? I know it is for me. If the top works then the skirt is too tight. Or the bottom is fine but it pulls across the breasts. Those one-size-fits all sizes really takes the fun out shopping.

All of us are uniquely built and enjoy our own sense of style. You know only to well, that when we look good, we feel good which allows our confidence to radiate in everything we do.

A perfect wardrobe pick-me-up is coming to your shopping rescue. NUMARI offers custom fit women’s wear. Yes, that means the styles we love, custom fit to your body measurements, and even styling preferences. Prefer to wear your dresses shorter or longer? Those customizations are included too. The brand is entirely focused on delivering a better product, with better functionality – ultimately those “go-to” pieces that live in your wardrobe for a long period of time.

Founded by two women entrepreneurs Komal Kushalraj and Arti Anand, NUMARI is built on the principle that every woman’s body and style is uniquely hers. After their own personal frustration with the existing standard sized apparel and trouble finding perfectly tailored garments, Komal and Arti decided to start NUMARI with a vision to make made-to-measure apparel accessible and affordable.

Their initial preview collection of dresses was fashioned by celebrity designer Bert Keeter (you may have also seen him on Project Runway) and features dresses that can easily be transitioned from the boardroom to cocktails.

What’s more, NUMARI stands for what’s important to all of us fabulous females. It’s a brand about confidence, individuality, and fun. The company describes a NUMARI woman as someone who is kind, smart and unapologetically ambitious. A woman who has deep appreciation for fashion and believes in impeccable presentation. Sound familiar?

So before you begin the next year, ask yourself: “Does my wardrobe inspire a sense of empowerment?” If not, make the change. Love how you feel inside and out. And own your moment.

To learn more about NUMARI and how it’s changing the way we shop for clothes visit their website and follow them on Facebook and Twitter.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Discovering Your Strengths

By Linda Franklin

Charlotte Beers is a titan of the advertising industry. She’s graced the cover of Fortune magazine as one of the most powerful women in business, worked for Presidential administrations, and currently serves on the Board of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.

In this video of her TEDx talk, Charlotte shares many insights about discovering your strengths, learning from your background and doing what needs to be done. She’s a very smart lady.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Man’s View On The Old Double Standard

Mans View of the Old Double Standard Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI received the email below from a young man who had some very nice things to say about The Real Cougar Woman blog and especially the old double standard that I write about so often. Take a look and see if you agree.

Dear Linda:

I came across your blog and I am inspired by your work. You are a true leader and a true force of progress in society.

I am one of these men who have always been attracted to older women but almost all of the time yielded to the social pressures and dynamics and dated women my age. The double standards you so eloquently speak of are not only destructive to women. But to men too.
I am older (39yo) and a little wiser now and if time were to go back I would have done things very differently.

I could share some of my I stories but I am sure it is nothing you haven’t heard before. I see the double standards you speak of around me all the time. At work and beyond. In my work, I serve in some mid-level management role at a fortune-100 company. It is not a very high position but it still high enough to see see what you speak of around me at work all the time. I have seen women denied leadership positions they deserve when they’re more qualified and by far make better project managers and even better managers overall. I have seen women work so quietly and patiently without expecting any rewards. Work which is taken for granted and which when done by men is immediately recognized. I have seen all that and I have seen much more. Yet there is no place where the double standards are hurtful and even destructive to society than the realm of male-female unions and relationships. An older man having a relationship with a younger woman is turned into a hero even if there is zero track record of any substance to these relationships throughout history. An older woman having a real relationship with a younger man where they so effortlessly and naturally connect on every level (intellectually, emotionally, and sexually) and it is considered a criminal act by society with the couple vilified, scorned, and turned into social outcasts.

I loved your piece about Angela Merkel BTW. If only the whole world was run by Angela Merkels. If she were a man, fairy tales of her glory and statesmanship, and economic genius would fill the airwaves, be written in about countless books etc etc. The world hates women leaders. That is the sad truth. But with more voices like yours maybe society would change. Maybe the world would change. If one thinks of the changes that happened over the last 40years, one can hope that the changes needed here are not impossible. Humanity will eventually see the light sooner or late. Perhaps one day most of of the fortune 500 would be run women as they should be. Perhaps then too it would be celebrated with no reservations when a 45yo woman marries a 29yo man. Perhaps then it would be such an ordinary and frequent event that people would look back with amazement and amusement at the time when the world was up-side-down. It can happen and thanks to you it will.

With love and affection,
M.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cowell Not Only Man Who Chooses Lookalike Lovers

by Linda Franklin

Cowell Not Only Man Who C

Identifying Your Sexual Personality

by Linda Franklin

Identifying Your Sexual Personality Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI never really thought about it but apparently, we all have a sexual personality.  And, understanding yours (and your partner’s) is the key to having great sex together.

Here are the differently categories your sexual personality fall into:

Energizers

Catch you on a good day and you’re an exciting, seductive creature who mesmerizes and dazzles your lovers with bucket loads of confidence, extraordinary technique and unbridled enthusiasm. The downside is you’re a little self-absorbed and like to be top of the game in everything you do – including sex.

Is this you?

  • Are you pretty much up for anything? You like talking dirty, watching porn, trying out sex toys and having sex outside?
  • When you ask ‘How was it for you?’ do you really mean ‘How was I?’…?
  • Do you see sex as a source of pleasure, fun and a great way to connect to your partner? 

Stabilizers

Cautious and cooperative, as the name suggests, you’ll do anything for a peaceful life. Kind and generous, you initially present as heaven on a stick – especially to someone who’s just emerged, bruised and battered from a relationship with a demanding energizer. But – unusually – you’d rather give than receive pleasure. You don’t like talking about sex problems and tend to clam up.

Is this you?

  • Do you get more pleasure giving than receiving?
  • Do you feel uncomfortable speaking up about what you need your partner to do to satisfy you?
  • Do partners often ask if you enjoy having sex with them because they’re not sure?

Connectors

For you, sex is more about expressing love and feelings than it is physical release. You’re less interested in sexual performance and more focused on the emotional benefits of sex: intimacy rather than orgasm is your aim.

Is this you?

  • Are you more inclined to cuddle up than initiate sex?
  • Does the emotional temperature have to be just right before you can get in the mood for sex?
  • Are you more interested in romantic sex than lusty or ‘dirty’ sex?

Worriers

It’s not that you don’t enjoy sex, it’s just something that’s often fraught with anxiety. You often feel under pressure to perform and worry you’re inadequate – both in how you look and what you’re doing in bed.

Is this you?

  • Do you have a naturally low libido – or none at all?
  • Have you had some distressing sexual encounters in your past and think of sex as something to be feared or disliked?
  • Is your self-esteem low both in bed and out of it? 

Controllers

You like routine both in and out of the bedroom and the feeling of being in control. You dislike change and find it quite stressful so the impromptu sexual surprise that would thrill others, instead freaks you out. Predictable sex that follows a tried-and-true set pattern is your idea of sexual nirvana.

Is this you?

  • Do you feel threatened or insulted if your partner wants to try something new?
  • Can you only orgasm through a particular, often quite specific technique?
  • Do you like to be in control of your emotions generally? 
If you don’t fall into any of these categories, please feel free to comment on other options.
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

First Time Sex Tips – The Second Time

First Time Sex Tips - The Second Time Around Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanAnother week and another study. The latest one reports that it’s unlikely that we will  go the distance with our current partners.  Yikes!  So there’s a better than even chance you will once again have the FIRST TIME SEX experience.
In case you’ve forgotten what works well with first time sex here are a few important reminders:
Oral Sex –  it’s not only one of his favorite things, (and hopefully yours) it shows you’re as interested in giving as you are receiving pleasure.

Be active –  I’m not suggesting you bounce around the bed like a excited puppy, but please don’t leave it up to him to make all the moves.

• Don’t Stress About Your Body – Hiding under the covers, insisting the lights are turned out – you know the drill. Even if your thighs don’t look like they did 20 years ago – here you are having sex!  Revel in thinking about that.

. Relax –: Don’t stress about his performance or yours or you will both be disappointed.  First time sex can be intense and erotic but it’s also highly charged with expectations. Both of you are nervous and eager for it to go well, but it’s easier for a woman to hide what’s really going on. Don’t over-react, take it personally or make him feel bad if the first time he has trouble maintaining an erection or experiences premature ejaculation.Treat it lightly, don’t make a big deal out of it and let him know it’s normal and you understand.  Let him know you’re set for open, honest, communicative sex.

• Save the post-sex emotional fallout for your friends: If he really doesn’t want to know you now after he’s had his way with you, trying to find out if you’re an item will be even more humiliating. If he really likes you, he will be in contact within a day or so to plan the next date.

The more relaxed you are about the whole thing, the more smitten he’ll be. Be affectionate and shoot a few meaningful looks so he knows it meant something (if indeed it did), but resist hanging onto his leg as he makes for the front door.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Curvey Women Love These Summer Dresses

By Linda Franklin

This summer is a scorcher so ditch those pants and put on a dress that flatters your figure.

Don’t try to hide your sexy curves, There are lots of cute summer dresses for curvy women out there. Here’s a few that might work for you.I.

Solid Colors are Slimming

Did you know that a solid color head to toe like this is always more slimming than a few colors mixed together? That’s why I love this  Jessica Simpson sleeve belted Blouson dress in this pretty shade of orange.

If you have a warm skin tone, or just a great tan then this nectarine dress will make you glow like the sunset.  Be sure to accent this dress with some big chunky jewelry as shown here because that is what is really going to make this dress pop. This is the kind of dress that could take you from work to evening so you’d really get a lot of wear out of it.

 orange plus size dress
Circle Skirts Hide Hips  

If you have a little extra padding at the hips a great way to balance your figure is with a dress that has fit and flare. This sleeveless ruched dress is perfect for a gal with a pear shaped figure who want to show off her enviable waist but camouflage her hefty hips.

Another really nice thing about this dress is the use of soft, muted colors in the tropical print. This dress gives you that Caribbean vacation feel you having to wear bright parrot colors which can often look and feel too loud.

 tropical plus size dress
Empire Waistlines Tame Tummies

If you have low belly fat (usually from having kids) that never seems to go away, a great way to get the attention off that spot is to take a look at summer dresses for women that have empire waists. This Short Sleeve Printed Empire with its flattering wrap style neckline visually raises your waist up, and in doing so moves the attention to your upper half. The skirt part gently flows over a jelly belly. Great trick!

 pink plus size dress
Color Blocking Magically Erases

Dark colors recede and make you look slimmer. That’s the reason so many women love black. But heck, you can’t be wearing black all the time, so here’s another great trick. Choose a dress like this DKNY colorblock dress that strategically uses black to knock off a few inches.

Black panels places here at the sides slims your figure by ” blacking” part of it out. No wonder color blocked dresses are one of the most popular summer dresses for plus size women out there.

black and white plus size dress
Simplicity is Slimming

A solid color + a simple tank top style make this Elemntz ruffle dress a winner. You’ll look long and lean but anything from boring because of the interesting texture that makes this dress feminine and gives it real personality.

green plus size dress
Maxi Dresses Make the Difference

Some curvy types prefer more modest summer dresses for women. If you are a gal who feel more comfortable not exposing your legs then a maxi dress is for you.  This is one of many  beautiful summer halter dresses for women that work well. You still get to show a bit of skin up top which is youthful but you don’t have to worry about feeling self-conscious about your legs.

halter plus size dress
Shirtdresses Balance Your Bottom

When you are heavier on the bottom than up top the way to balance that out is with a top that has a good shoulder and some structure. This Jones NY Shirtdress with its strong collar and short sleeves adds extra width across the shoulders which in turns makes your bottom half look more proportioned. Isn’t this a pretty, fresh look for summer?

white plus size shirtdress

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Dove Proves Women Are Prettier Than We Think We Are

By Linda Franklin

Dove Proves Women Are Prettier Than We Think We Are Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanDo other people see you differently than you see yourself, especially in the looks department?  A new Dove campaign “Real Beauty Sketches”, says yes  — and offers proof, in the form of forensic sketches.

Dove recruited seven women of different ages and backgrounds and had FBI-trained forensic artist Gil Zamora create composite sketches of them based on descriptions of their own facial features. In this video, produced for the campaign, you can hear the women use phrases like “my mom told me I had a big jaw,” “I kind of have a fat, rounder face,” “I’d say I have a pretty big forehead.”

The women had been asked to spend time with strangers, though neither party was told why. These strangers were later brought one by one into a room with Zamora and asked to describe the women who had been sketched earlier. The two resulting drawings of each woman were then hung side-by-side — and the contrast is pretty stark. The tagline of the campaign is: “You are more beautiful than you think.”

And it’s women’s existing shame that the Dove campaign does a good job of exposing through its sketches.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Men’s Obsession with Our Boobs

By Linda Franklin

Men's Obsession with Our Boobs Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanMen’s attitudes toward women actually influence their attitude toward the perfect breast size.  

A recent study from the University of Westminster, published in  the Archives of Sexual Behavior, showed results after interviewing 361 white, heterosexual men, ranging in age from 18 to 68.  Each man was shown five different 3-D models of women, each with a different breast size, and then asked to record which “woman” he found most physically attractive.

Afterward, the participants were given surveys which measured each man’s level of hostility toward women, his attitudes about relationships between men and women, benevolent sexism and how much he objectified women.

The researchers found that the largest percentage of participants (32.7 percent) rated medium-sized breasts as “most attractive,” followed by large (24.4 percent), very large (19.1 percent), small (15.5 percent) and very small (8.3 percent). However, a preference for large and very large breasts was significantly correlated with overt sexism, benevolent sexism, female objectification and hostile attitudes toward women.

In other words, men who tend to idealize “traditional” femininity and perceive women as meek and weak, are also the most likely to prefer big boobs.

Obviously, these findings don’t mean that all men who find big breasts attractive are sexist.  But this research is a good reminder that social ideas about what makes a woman sexually desirable don’t just impact the way women feel about themselves or how they imagine men perceive them. Those ideas impact the way that men view women — both how attractive and how powerful men think they are.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.