Sexual Attraction To Older Women

by Linda Franklin

Sexual Attraction To Older Women Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI was surfing online this morning and found this interesting email from a 24 year old man who is attracted only to older women.   He wrote for advice from Betty Dodson.  Betty is an 80+ sex educator extraordinaire, so I wanted to share her insights with my readers.  By the way,  Betty and I share the same views on Cougar relationships, which have always gotten such a bad rap.  If you, or someone you know is questioning their attraction  – send them this brief article.

I am a good-looking 24 year old man. I am writing to talk about a strange psycho-sexual perversion I have. Since teenage years I am tremendously and almost exclusively attracted to older women, that is women who are 35 or above (the ages I find most attractive are 40 to 55 but I have fantasized about women a lot older than that too). This is not some fantasy for fit looking ‘milfs’ as is the trend these days, but I like women who look natural, have wrinkles, crow’s feet, grey streaks of hair and other markings of age.

I like women who have experienced life, understood themselves and their bodies and accepted the ways of nature- so the more a woman accepts her true physical body, the more I tend to find her irresistible. A woman who accepts her sexuality or her emotional nature or for that matter her strength or masculinity, should she be fundamentally that way, is attractive to me. I understand there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, except that this attraction seems exclusive, to the extent that it is very hard for me to stay aroused around younger partners, I have to think up some older women I fantasize about. This makes my love life terrible and hellish. I sometimes think I have this idealistic vision of an older woman who is radiating intelligence as well as motherly warmth, who respects and adores and accepts me, as she accepts herself, and we love each other deeply.

Let me elaborate. I can love and deeply care for women around my age (I am 24). I forge deep, loving emotional bonds with women in my age range, and usually these relationships are sisterly rather than romantic. But put in a woman above 35 around me and I start seeing something sexual in her.

My personal theory is that it results from how I grew up- I had a cold, undemonstrative mother and an almost cruel, truculent grandmother in my house when I was growing up. Also my mom always wanted to superficially hide her age and look younger. In fact I always used to ask her how old she was but she would never tell me. My mother also was rather strict and wanted me to suppress my sexuality, never masturbate or date in school. I feel that now when I see women who could fit in the roles of mothers or grandmothers for me, and are rather sweet, kind old women, I somehow get sexually aroused and fantasize of being intimate with them.

I know this is rather long, but I have tried to probe myself honestly. Given that society has such a taboo against younger men dating older women, I have never had an older lover. In fact i do not know how to find them. Most older women looking to have sex with younger men seem to treat men like young meat to be used for a fling. I therefore want to be able to feel sexual attraction to young girls as well.This is affecting my personal life. Please advise. I will be really grateful.

A

Dear A,

The dynamic you describe is more prevalent than we are led to believe. As a matter of fact, the whole “Cougar” phomenon deals with this in a crass commercial way that emphasizes the sexual double standard. When a man has the same interest, he’s called a “Silver Fox” and society completely approves. We often sneer at the older woman doing the same thing.

The first problem is your own harsh judgement. I would not consider this attraction of yours to be a “psycho-sexual perversion!” Embrace your attraction and learn from the experience. What you resist will persist.

Throughout my seventies, I had a live-in lover who was some 40 years younger. He became my apprentice and I taught him about sex from my POV. After 10 years, he moved along and has since gotten married to an age appropriate young woman. So I personally know the joys and pitfalls of the younger/older couple dynamic. For any young man, having an older woman who is knowledgeable about sex as a lover is the best way to learn about sex. Get my e-book *Orgasms for Two* which reflects the special relationship I had with my very young lover.

Now that I’m in my early 80’s, a younger man would be in his 40’s or 50’s. But if you lived next door, I swoop you up in a heartbeat and you would be ravished by a wise old grandmother. Well, it’s at least fun to fantasize isn’t it. Acceptance my dear boy, acceptance. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older women. Declare your sexual independence day and Live out this attraction which will liberate you to be free to enjoy both younger and older women.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougars Back On TV – Extreme Cougar Wives

Cougars Back On TV Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanCougars are Back on TV.  Here we go again!  This newest show will most likely cause a lot of controversy, but isn’t that what it’s all about?  The three mature women set to star in TLC’s Extreme Cougar Wives, insist that there is nothing better than dating younger men.

Jude, 53, met her boyfriend Kevin, who is 32 years her junior, seven years ago when he was in a relationship with her daughter. And today they are inseparable.

She can’t stop smiling as she details their sex life, claiming that ‘it’s amazing what falling in love can do for your self image’, however Kevin’s mother is significantly less enthusiastic about the love affair.

‘So she’s older than your mother… Oh, Kevin,’ she wails as the duo break the news of the relationship on camera’.

Then there’s Hattie, the 76 year old cougar looking for love.  She describes her life as ‘extreme’. In the show she meets 25-year-old Andrew while taking a dip in a hotel swimming pool, and later in the show is seen entertaining a young gentlemen admirer at dinner telling him ‘skin, I love skin.’

Stephanie, is the last self-described ‘extreme cougar’ to appear in the hour-long episode. You can’t help who you fall in love with: 65-year-old Stephanie as you coos at her  boyfriend Octavio 28.

Extreme Cougar Wives premieres on TLC on Sunday, November 25 at 10pm ET.

You know how I feel, if you are truly happy, if you’re honest about what you want  and you’re not hurting anyone, then go ahead and enjoy the moment.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

Dating Fears After Divorce – Especially Getting Naked

by Linda Franklin

Dating Fears After Divorce - Especially Being Naked Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanDating after divorce can be daunting.  You’ve been sequestered in a relationship for decades and here you are about to embark on a whole new life.  For some, this transition might be easier than others, but I’ll bet all women over a certain age are terrified about exposing their naked bodies to a new man.

It’s hard for us to believe that any man will see you as sexual being when all you see is every little imperfection in your body.  Every bit of cellulite, every spider vein, every sag that you make you cringe.

Friends can tell you that you are a total babe and any man would be lucky to have you.  But, until you believe it yourself you will be scared to death to let a man near you. The sexual confidence that accompanies youth recedes when your body shows any signs of wear and tear.

We forget that physical attraction has as much to do with personality and confidence as it  does your appearance.

According to psychologist Dr Sharron Hinchliff, a lecturer at Sheffield University who has spent 12 years researching female sexuality and aging, women in mid-life who are apprehensive about venturing into new relationships because they lack confidence in their bodies should take heart — men are not impervious to the passing years, either.

‘The women in our study reconciled the awareness of their own expanding waistlines and aging bodies with the fact their new partners might have a bit of a paunch or a bald spot,’ she says, ‘It’s quite possible they also had their own sexual hang-ups and difficulties, such as erectile dysfunction. Women often overlook the very obvious fact that men age, too.’

Now, what  if you have set your sights on a younger man like many women are these days?  Well, they are not immune to insecurities either.  Their fears of rejection often surpass your own.  They want to please you but don’t know how to do it.  I get emails from lots of guys who want my advice on how to please an older woman in every way.

So, you just have to take that leap of faith.  Get back out there, be yourself and have confidence that you will attract the right men into your life. Confidence is a huge turn on.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Katie Couric & Boyfriend Split – Another Cougar Relationships Bites The Dust

Katie Couric and boyfriend split Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman

Better Times

Katie Couric has split with her boyfriend of five years Brooks Perlin. Apparently, things have been rocky for a number of months and they both decided to call it quits. The couple had a 17 year age gap, so another famous cougar relationship bites the dust. 

Katie who lost her husband to colon cancer in l998 met the 37-year-old in 2006. Speaking later of their meeting she said: ‘I thought he was really cute. He asked me if I wanted to have dinner sometime and I liked that it was so direct and natural.

‘When he called, he asked me if I wanted to be in a sailing competition with him. I don’t sail. Then he asked me if I wanted to go surfing, and I’d never surfed. I said, “listen Mr Outward Bound, how about something normal?”.

The mother-of-two said it didn’t even cross her mind how old he was at the time. It was only later when she confided in friends that she was going on a date that they googled him.

She considered cancelling but was persuaded by friends not to and did not look back. 

In April, Couric gave a gushing interview to People magazine about her relationship, saying Brooks ‘challenges me in ways no one has ever challenged me before’ and that ‘they just clicked’.

But only a month later, she hinted at trouble with the green building-materials distributor, saying: ‘I am in the process of figuring out the future, and so is he. I am really happy in my personal life . . . but it is complicated.’ 

So, are all cougar relationships doomed to failure?  I don’t think so, but like any other relationships it requires constant attention and dedication.  

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougar Woman Admits Younger Men Are Exhausting

 By Linda Franklin

I read an article about relationships that have a large age gap and wanted to share it with you. To get the full scoop click here.  With all the spin around Ashton and Demi’s divorce, many women are wondering if an older woman can find happiness with a younger man.    You decide for yourself.

Cougar Woman Admit Younger Men Exhausting by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanHelen Backhouse, 56, an artist, is married to computer programmer Pierre Burghgraeve, 40. Helen thinks the 17 years between her and husband Pierre have become more apparent as they have got older. She says, “I enjoy reading, gardening and sitting peacefully, while Pierre is much more active. And our tastes are very different, too. I love music from the Seventies that he hates, and he listens to rap, which I can’t stand”.

“I like to tell everyone he keeps me young, but it can be exhausting being with a younger man”. And living with him and my son is sometimes like living with two squabbling teenage boys”.

There’s no doubt that being with a younger man raises eyebrows.

When we first got together, my friends were horrified. They worried he would eventually fall in love with a woman his own age and I would get hurt. Pierre reassures me this will never happen. Yet there are times when I have questioned what on earth I am doing.

I married my first husband, when I was 26 — he was the same age. The marriage ended after ten years without us having children.

When I was 38, I decided I wanted to be a mother and a  male friend agreed to be the donor father. I brought Thomas up on my own, until I met Pierre.

We met when Pierre when he became the chef at a restaurant near my home in 2004. When it comes to the physical side of our relationship, the thing that flashes through my mind is, ‘I’d better have the lights off’ — but Pierre has always made me feel desirable.

Sometimes I do worry about the fact that when he’s 65, I’ll be in my 80s. But I joke that after I’ve gone, he can find a woman his own age and have a whole new life.’

PIERRE SAYS: To me, age is irrelevant. When I met Helen, I didn’t think: ‘How old is she?’ I simply thought what an attractive, interesting woman she was. She has a wonderful career and is her own woman. I like the fact she’s seen more of life than me.

People may look at us oddly sometimes, but I no longer notice. Besides, I am not frozen in time — I am ageing, too. As I get older, I feel the age gap between us narrows. I don’t think too much about the future — I am just glad we are happy now.’

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Men Who Don’t Want To Leave

by Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D

 
Men Who Don't Want To Leave by Dr. Fayr Barkley for The Real Cougar WomanIt starts out very insidiously. You have a few dates with a new man; dinner, movie, an event with mutual friends. All is going well and it feels like you have been together forever. You invite him over to your place for pizza and a DVD. He brings his toothbrush and you think nothing of it since he is staying the night and it is just a toothbrush. A week later you look in your fridge and there are 7 types of bread, a six pack of beer – none of which you have bought.

 

As you stand there ferreting through all his food stuff, you realize the amount of laundry you have been doing lately has doubled. Sure, he has been spending the last several nights at your place. Why not? He is easy to get along with, the sex is great and since he does live one town over, it is just more convenient for the both of you. You also realize that since he has been camping out at your place, he has acquired two of your dresser drawers, several hangers in your closet and now his car AND his motorcycle are parked in your driveway. And then it hits you: When did he move in?

 

You tell yourself, “I should have seen it coming.” You are no stranger to the toothbrush routine and this isn’t your first rodeo. But here it is again–a situation that went from inertia to warp speed, from just meeting and starting to date to finding his socks and underwear all over the house. As you stand bewildered in front of the fridge wondering who on earth needs 7 types of bread, you hear him in the living room on his cell phone telling the newspaper to change his delivery from his house to yours.

 

Gulp.

 

When did this turn from casual to commitment without a summit conference and press release? Why didn’t you get the memo? And most importantly, are you ready for cohabitating with a man you really haven’t known very long? Isn’t the reason for dating to get to know someone well enough through all the seasons before you make a life altering decision such as this?

 

Moving in together changes a lot and for those of us women who are accustomed to living on our own, it can mean redesigning our plans, patterns, and daily decisions. It means having to have 24/7 consideration for the person who is now under our roof.  Moving in is a big decision that should not be taken lightly nor without much discussion. Ground rules need to be set. (Don’t leave your dirty underwear and newspapers all over the house.) Division of labor needs to be addressed. (If he cooks, you clean up the kitchen.) Finances need to be discussed. You need to discuss what is and what is not acceptable to you; since it is YOUR roof he is living under. And you also need to let him know where you draw the hard line that can get him kicked out.

 

If your new man starts to move in on you, be aware of the tell tale signs. It usually begins with a toothbrush. The best case scenario is that things go wonderfully and the relationship is strengthened; but this can only happen with honest communication and boundaries that are set and respected by both parties.
 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

Women More Adventurous In Bed

by Linda Franklin

Women More Adventurous In Bed by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanTalking dirty and being sexually adventurous seems to come more naturally to women than men.

In a new survey, it turns out women are not only more experimental in bed, but were far more likely to talk dirty and share fantasies with their partners than men.

While most respondents – all of whom were in relationships – said that they enjoyed sex with the lights on, wearing sexy lingerie, having sex in different areas of the home and using lubricants, more women than men were willing to go further in the bedroom.

This is good to know because for far too long women have been made out to be the prudes who actually restrict their male partners.  That’s just not the case is it ladies?Being sexually adventurous is, perhaps unsurprisingly, linked to the sexual satisfaction of both partners – so much so that the more open-minded and repeatedly adventurous the couple, the longer the relationship lasted.

50 per cent of the survey’s respondents said that they watched porn as a couple.

In a previous survey I read, revealed that women are more bored in their relationships than men, despite being more sexually satisfied.

A quarter of those respondents – over half of whom were married – said that boredom in their relationship had led to infidelity, and nearly 60 per cent were keen to try something new to spice up their sex lives.
One thing both sexes agree upon is their shared enjoyment of orgasm – though simultaneous climaxes are far rarer than many a Hollywood movie may have some believing.
 
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.