Discovering Your Strengths

Posted on November 21, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

Charlotte Beers is a titan of the advertising industry. She’s graced the cover of Fortune magazine as one of the most powerful women in business, worked for Presidential administrations, and currently serves on the Board of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.

In this video of her TEDx talk, Charlotte shares many insights about discovering your strengths, learning from your background and doing what needs to be done. She’s a very smart lady.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougars Hiding Preference For Younger Men

Posted on November 5, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

by Linda Franklin:

The personal emails I receive from my readers make the best blogs. They capture what is really going on in the world of younger men who prefer being with an older woman.

This story may resonate with you. If it does perhaps you can share your story too. The man who wrote this is 39 and has always preferred older women.

Recently, I hit the dating websites after a few years absence, and one thing I noticed is how women in their 40’s and 50’s try to conceal their preferences for younger partners and how prevalent this is.

You would notice for example how a 46 year old woman gives “30-50” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a 50 year old woman gives “32-54” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a less subtle 48 year old woman gives “30-49” as her match’s age.

In a more transparent world, those age ranges would probably read as “26-38” -“18-40” and “24-36”, for our less subtle friend. The higher end of every range is probably what they’d consider an ideal marriage partner.

I would say that a sizable percentage of the profiles in the 40-60 age group reflected these same patterns. A lot of times women are guilty of the double standard themselves.

Men who have interest in younger partners are not shy at all about spelling out the true age-range they’re looking for. Granted, society conspires with men on the issue, but history shows that only when a critical mass ask for equality do we start to some real changes both in attitudes and facts on the ground.

It is a catch-22. Society is brutally harsh towards those women who would be open about their preferences. Yet without a critical mass speaking with one voice change won’t happen.

Do you agree with what this man is experiencing, or, are you the woman who is completely up front about the age of the man you want to date?

Man’s View On The Old Double Standard

Posted on November 1, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

I received the email below from a young man who had some very nice things to say about The Real Cougar Woman blog and especially the old double standard that I write about so often. Take a look and see if you agree.

Dear Linda:

I came across your blog and I am inspired by your work. You are a true leader and a true force of progress in society.

I am one of these men who have always been attracted to older women but almost all of the time yielded to the social pressures and dynamics and dated women my age. The double standards you so eloquently speak of are not only destructive to women. But to men too.
I am older (39yo) and a little wiser now and if time were to go back I would have done things very differently.

I could share some of my I stories but I am sure it is nothing you haven’t heard before. I see the double standards you speak of around me all the time. At work and beyond. In my work, I serve in some mid-level management role at a fortune-100 company. It is not a very high position but it still high enough to see see what you speak of around me at work all the time. I have seen women denied leadership positions they deserve when they’re more qualified and by far make better project managers and even better managers overall. I have seen women work so quietly and patiently without expecting any rewards. Work which is taken for granted and which when done by men is immediately recognized. I have seen all that and I have seen much more. Yet there is no place where the double standards are hurtful and even destructive to society than the realm of male-female unions and relationships. An older man having a relationship with a younger woman is turned into a hero even if there is zero track record of any substance to these relationships throughout history. An older woman having a real relationship with a younger man where they so effortlessly and naturally connect on every level (intellectually, emotionally, and sexually) and it is considered a criminal act by society with the couple vilified, scorned, and turned into social outcasts.

I loved your piece about Angela Merkel BTW. If only the whole world was run by Angela Merkels. If she were a man, fairy tales of her glory and statesmanship, and economic genius would fill the airwaves, be written in about countless books etc etc. The world hates women leaders. That is the sad truth. But with more voices like yours maybe society would change. Maybe the world would change. If one thinks of the changes that happened over the last 40years, one can hope that the changes needed here are not impossible. Humanity will eventually see the light sooner or late. Perhaps one day most of of the fortune 500 would be run women as they should be. Perhaps then too it would be celebrated with no reservations when a 45yo woman marries a 29yo man. Perhaps then it would be such an ordinary and frequent event that people would look back with amazement and amusement at the time when the world was up-side-down. It can happen and thanks to you it will.

With love and affection,
M.

Bad Sex Is Pandemic

Posted on October 1, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

Bad sex is pandemic so says, Paul Nelson an Erectile Dysfunction coach and patient educator. A prostate cancer survivor at 46, Paul discovered during his recovery from surgery, that there was almost no authentic information about erectile dysfunction anywhere on the internet.

In 2009, he founded www.franktalk.org, the first noncommercial website for ED. He is now president of the Erectile Dysfunction Foundation, Inc (501c3) the country’s only advocacy/support organization for men with sexual dysfunction.

Here’s what Paul has to say:

Every day I sit down with guys who tell me the same story. Something isn’t working. It’s always a combination of causes. But the underlying cause of it all is somewhere, somehow, someone spread a lot of rules about sex (really bad rules) that sex is a hard penis in a vagina (or any other orifice). Women are supposed to crave it; men can base their self-esteem on how long they can keep it there.

Part of the problem is that many guys aren’t sure what to do other than intercourse or oral sex. This is where the woman has a fantastic opportunity to teach – but for many reasons, many women continue to have sex by the same bad rules.

This is a letter I wrote this morning to a 37 year old guy who was having performance issues. He watches a lot of porn and he can stay hard. With his wife, he loses his erection. I could photocopy this letter and give it out to most of my guys.

To read Bob’s answer to this question so many guys have click here.

There’s lots more information on Paul’s website http://www.theedcoach.com/

Sexual Attraction To Older Women

Posted on September 12, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

by Linda Franklin

I was surfing online this morning and found this interesting email from a 24 year old man who is attracted only to older women. He wrote for advice from Betty Dodson. Betty is an 80+ sex educator extraordinaire, so I wanted to share her insights with my readers. By the way, Betty and I share the same views on Cougar relationships, which have always gotten such a bad rap. If you, or someone you know is questioning their attraction – send them this brief article.

I am a good-looking 24 year old man. I am writing to talk about a strange psycho-sexual perversion I have. Since teenage years I am tremendously and almost exclusively attracted to older women, that is women who are 35 or above (the ages I find most attractive are 40 to 55 but I have fantasized about women a lot older than that too). This is not some fantasy for fit looking ‘milfs’ as is the trend these days, but I like women who look natural, have wrinkles, crow’s feet, grey streaks of hair and other markings of age.

I like women who have experienced life, understood themselves and their bodies and accepted the ways of nature- so the more a woman accepts her true physical body, the more I tend to find her irresistible. A woman who accepts her sexuality or her emotional nature or for that matter her strength or masculinity, should she be fundamentally that way, is attractive to me. I understand there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, except that this attraction seems exclusive, to the extent that it is very hard for me to stay aroused around younger partners, I have to think up some older women I fantasize about. This makes my love life terrible and hellish. I sometimes think I have this idealistic vision of an older woman who is radiating intelligence as well as motherly warmth, who respects and adores and accepts me, as she accepts herself, and we love each other deeply.

Let me elaborate. I can love and deeply care for women around my age (I am 24). I forge deep, loving emotional bonds with women in my age range, and usually these relationships are sisterly rather than romantic. But put in a woman above 35 around me and I start seeing something sexual in her.

My personal theory is that it results from how I grew up- I had a cold, undemonstrative mother and an almost cruel, truculent grandmother in my house when I was growing up. Also my mom always wanted to superficially hide her age and look younger. In fact I always used to ask her how old she was but she would never tell me. My mother also was rather strict and wanted me to suppress my sexuality, never masturbate or date in school. I feel that now when I see women who could fit in the roles of mothers or grandmothers for me, and are rather sweet, kind old women, I somehow get sexually aroused and fantasize of being intimate with them.

I know this is rather long, but I have tried to probe myself honestly. Given that society has such a taboo against younger men dating older women, I have never had an older lover. In fact i do not know how to find them. Most older women looking to have sex with younger men seem to treat men like young meat to be used for a fling. I therefore want to be able to feel sexual attraction to young girls as well.This is affecting my personal life. Please advise. I will be really grateful.

Dear A,

The dynamic you describe is more prevalent than we are led to believe. As a matter of fact, the whole “Cougar” phomenon deals with this in a crass commercial way that emphasizes the sexual double standard. When a man has the same interest, he’s called a “Silver Fox” and society completely approves. We often sneer at the older woman doing the same thing.

The first problem is your own harsh judgement. I would not consider this attraction of yours to be a “psycho-sexual perversion!” Embrace your attraction and learn from the experience. What you resist will persist.

Throughout my seventies, I had a live-in lover who was some 40 years younger. He became my apprentice and I taught him about sex from my POV. After 10 years, he moved along and has since gotten married to an age appropriate young woman. So I personally know the joys and pitfalls of the younger/older couple dynamic. For any young man, having an older woman who is knowledgeable about sex as a lover is the best way to learn about sex. Get my e-book *Orgasms for Two* which reflects the special relationship I had with my very young lover.

Now that I’m in my early 80’s, a younger man would be in his 40’s or 50’s. But if you lived next door, I swoop you up in a heartbeat and you would be ravished by a wise old grandmother. Well, it’s at least fun to fantasize isn’t it. Acceptance my dear boy, acceptance. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older women. Declare your sexual independence day and Live out this attraction which will liberate you to be free to enjoy both younger and older women.

Women’s Sexual Fantasies Updated

Posted on August 29, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

By Linda Franklin

There’s a new book out that is aiming to revamp Nancy Friday’s 1973 bedroom rulebook, My Secret Garden. Ah yes, remember it well.

Garden Of Desires: The Evolution Of Women’s Sexual Fantasies by Emily Dubberley delves into the female sexual zeitgeist and explores what’s changed (and why) when it comes to women and sex over the past 40 years: specifically, what turns us on these days.

In her book Dubberley zones in on five key female sexual desires. And they are? submissive fantasies, dominant fantasies, exhibitionism and voyeurism, group sex, and partner fantasies.

SUBMISSIVE FANTASIES

Fantasies of this nature vary from simply being tied-up to the bed all the way through to having a formalized sex contract complete with rules about which way you look, in the vein of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades Of Grey.

Props such as whips, handcuffs, gags and blindfolds are common in this type of fantasy.

Submissions could be emotional or physical and may involve role-play – in some cases even going as far as pretending to be a rape victim or a sex slave.

DOMINANT FANTASIES

When the roles are reversed and the man becomes the submissive to the female dominatrix. Role-play includes cheating on a partner and being in control of a sex slave.

With research suggesting it’s very popular, and almost a third of people report having these fantasies at some point, the (sometimes literal ball-buster is a very popular role indeed.

The fantasy is about the woman being in control of what happens in bed and inflicting both pleasure and pain as she sees fit.

EXHIBITIONISM AND VOYEURISM

Whether you’re doing it in the garden, the park, on an aeroplane, in the stationery closet at work or simply beside an open window in your own home, the idea of being somewhere where you could get caught or even be watched is a big turn-on for women.

Indeed, women in the book talk about the secondary eroticism of watching others having sex, and the excitement of being intimate when you know for certain you are being watched.

GROUP SEX

With so much going on when you have sex as part of a group, many women relish the idea of being very, er, well-looked.

There is also an element of anonymity in some cases, or, if you are part of a couple, bringing something new, different and exciting into the bedroom.

For others the idea of experimenting with your sexuality by engaging intimately with a member of the same sex is where the fantasy lies.

PARTNER FANTASIES

Quite simply, the idea of having sex with a loving, exclusive partner really gets women hot under the collar.

Similarly, the idea of regular sex with a specific partner who is not your own is also a fantasy, for example a celebrity, a friend, or a work colleague crush.

Well, there you have it. Do you agree with the latest findings? Or do you have your own secret garden fantasy you want to share with us?

Tweeters Shared Insights On Dating After Divorce

Posted on August 23, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

Dating after divorce can be daunting to most folks. . So many are worried that they have so little to offer.

No doubt you are selling yourself way too short with that negative thinking and the folks on Twitter seem to agree.

On Tuesday, tweeters shared the things they’re looking for in a potential date using the hashtag #10thingsimattractedto. The big surprise? Most people were entirely reasonable about what they expect in a partner.

Here’s what they tweeted. What are you looking for when it comes to a great date or potential mate?

Someone who isn’t afraid to show their emotions
A man with manners who treats me with respect
Guys who don’t cheat
Men who are good with children and animals
Combination of compassion, intellect, sense of humor and humility
Self respect, confidence, Intelligence, Honesty, Modesty, Ambition, Perceptive
Easy to talk to

All Men Don’t Hate Women

Posted on August 19, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

Laurie Penny makes a powerful point – not all men hate women BUT all men benefit from female inequality:

By Linda Franklin

This is going to hurt. In the past few months, it has been almost impossible to open a newspaper or turn on a television without encountering a story about another underage girl being raped, another female politician harassed, another trans woman murdered. But as women, girls and a growing number of male allies start speaking out against sexism and injustice, a curious thing is happening: some people are complaining that speaking about prejudice is itself a form of prejudice.

These days, before we talk about misogyny, women are increasingly being asked to modify our language so we don’t hurt men’s feelings. Don’t say, “Men oppress women” – that’s sexism, as bad as any sexism women ever have to handle, possibly worse. Instead, say, “Some men oppress women.” Whatever you do, don’t generalize. That’s something men do. Not all men – just some men.

Most of us grew up learning that being a good girl was all about putting other people’s feelings ahead of our own. We aren’t supposed to say what we think if there’s a chance it might upset somebody else or, worse, make them angry. So we stifle our speech with apologies, caveats and soothing sounds. We reassure our friends and loved ones that “you’re not one of those men who hate women”.

What we don’t say is: of course not all men hate women. But culture hates women, so men who grow up in a sexist culture have a tendency to do and say sexist things, often without meaning to. We aren’t judging you for who you are but that doesn’t mean we’re not asking you to change your behavior. What you feel about women in your heart is of less immediate importance than how you treat them on a daily basis.

You can be the gentlest, sweetest man in the world yet still benefit from sexism. That’s how oppression works. Thousands of otherwise decent people are persuaded to go along with an unfair system because it’s less hassle that way. The appropriate response when somebody demands a change in that unfair system is to listen, rather than turning away or yelling, as a child might, that it’s not your fault. And it isn’t your fault. I’m sure you’re lovely. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a responsibility to do something about it.

You can choose, as a man, to help create a fairer world for women – and for men, too. You can choose to challenge misogyny and sexual violence wherever you see them. You can choose to take risks and spend energy supporting women, promoting women, treating the women in your life as true equals. You can choose to stand up and say no and, every day, more men and boys are making that choice. The question is – will you be one of them?

Female Orgasm Great For The Brain

Posted on August 8, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

by Linda Franklin

Female Orgasm - Great For The Brain Linda Franklin, The Real Cougar Woman

Exciting News!!! Having an orgasm could actually give your brain a better workout than doing a crossword puzzle or a Sudoku, a neuroscientist has claimed.

The sensation increases brain activity across the whole organ whereas a puzzle activates only relatively localized regions, said Professor Barry Komisaruk.

The Rutgers University professor came to these conclusions after studying women in his laboratory at the university’s Department of Psychology. He measured the blood flow to their brains as they climaxed. He believes there is much more to learn about sexual climax, saying, we know virtually nothing about pleasure.

So while the good professor is doing more research, keep having those fabulous orgasms. Not only are you having fun, it’s actually making you smarter.

Cowell Not Only Man Who Chooses Lookalike Lovers

Posted on August 6, 2013 by The Real Cougar Woman

by Linda Franklin

Why are men cheating with women who look exactly like the one they have at home? Curious isn’t it?

Simon Cowell,Tiger Woods, Gordon Ramsey, Kelsey Grammar and lots of other cheaters chose lovers who look very much like the woman they are in a relationship with.

The Real Cougar Woman

Smart Sexy, Independant and Proud

Category Archives: Relationships

Discovering Your Strengths

Cougars Hiding Preference For Younger Men

Man’s View On The Old Double Standard

Bad Sex Is Pandemic

Sexual Attraction To Older Women

Women’s Sexual Fantasies Updated

By Linda Franklin

GROUP SEX

PARTNER FANTASIES

Tweeters Shared Insights On Dating After Divorce

All Men Don’t Hate Women

Laurie Penny makes a powerful point – not all men hate women BUT all men benefit from female inequality:

Female Orgasm Great For The Brain

by Linda Franklin

Cowell Not Only Man Who Chooses Lookalike Lovers

by Linda Franklin