Cougars Hiding Preference For Younger Men

by Linda Franklin:

Cougars Hiding Preference for Younger Men Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanThe personal emails I receive from my readers make the best blogs.   They capture what is really going on in the world of younger men who prefer being with an older woman.

This story may resonate with you.  If it does perhaps you can share your story too.   The man who wrote this is 39 and has always preferred older women.

Recently, I hit the dating websites after a few years absence, and one thing I noticed is how women in their 40’s and 50’s try to conceal their preferences for younger partners and how prevalent this is.

You would notice for example how a 46 year old woman gives “30-50” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a 50 year old woman gives “32-54” as the desired age for her partner. Or how a less subtle 48 year old woman gives “30-49” as her match’s age.

In a more transparent world, those age ranges would probably read as “26-38”  -“18-40” and “24-36”,  for our less subtle friend. The higher end of every range is probably what they’d consider an ideal marriage partner.

I would say that a sizable percentage of the profiles in the 40-60 age group reflected these same patterns. A lot of times women are guilty of the double standard themselves.

Men who have interest in younger partners are not shy at all about spelling out the true age-range they’re looking for. Granted, society conspires with men on the issue, but history shows that only when a critical mass ask for equality do we start to some real changes both in attitudes and facts on the ground.

It is a catch-22. Society is brutally harsh towards those women who would be open about their preferences. Yet without a critical mass speaking with one voice change won’t happen.

Do you agree with what this man is experiencing, or, are you the woman who is completely up front about the age of the man you want to date?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sex With A Cougar Woman

by Linda Franklin

Sex with a cougar woman Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI received the following email from a guy who was very frustrated with his cougar girlfriend.  She’s not interested in sex so he’s not the happiest cat in town.  I asked if I could share his story with you and he agreed –  so here it its. 

I have been dating a 45 year old menopausal woman for the last month. She is extremely fit and health conscious. She knows that her hormonal levels are very very low, but because she hasn’t had a sexual relationship in a long time she has neglected doing anything about it. 

I am a 40 year old man. I really like this woman a lot.  We have so much in common, and I would like the relationship to develop further.  Her kisses are amazing and make me melt – thats a bonus 🙂

But here’s the problem.  We have been 90% intimate on a half dozen occasions, and every time, I have found her responsiveness to be not just low, but practically a zero. I have been with two other women in their early 40’s that could climax easily multiple times, to my delight of course.

To be honest, I am quickly becoming  bored and frustrated at how bone dry and unresponsive she is. I have been able to bring her to climax orally, after 45 minutes of intense and wearisome stimulation.
 
What do I do? Is there a remedy? How can I broach the subject without hurting her on such a sensitive issue?
 
I hope I don’t sound like a jackass for having written such things…but I know that I am a good and tender lover.  Do I have to adjust my expectations when I’m with an older woman? 
 
Thanks, K
 
Dear K,
If sex is that difficult I would say goodbye. That might sound harsh but if you are a man who likes sex and you are not getting it from the woman you care about – well then she’s not for you.
 
Menopause is no reason for a woman to let her sex life die. Today, there are bio-identical hormones, creams and many lubricants that bring back the sizzle.  I would not hesitate suggesting that she see a doctor to talk about what would work best for her.  If she wants to experience good sex, she will do whatever it takes.    
 
If you like being with Cougar Women there is no reason to stop.  If a woman truly likes sex she is not going to let her age get in the way of her pleasure. 
 
You are not a jackass – this is an important issue that needs to be addressed sooner than later. 
 
Hope that helps.
 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,” there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system and a dream.  All things are possible”.  Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 
 
 

Finding Love Again

by Linda Franklin –

Finding Love Again Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanLisa spent 15 years alone after her husband died and thought she would never have sex again. Then, at age 71, she met a wonderful partner and has fallen madly in love again. She should be thrilled right?  She is – but the rest of the world seems less happy.

Both Lisa and her guy both have children who are having problems with their parents intimacy.  They roll their eyes when they kiss, and when Lisa tries to talk to her daughter about her new love she says she ‘can’t cope’.

Why are people so hostile to older lovers? 

We’re told ‘all the world loves a lover’, but that doesn’t ring true if the courting couples are 60-plus and don’t restrict their PDAs (public displays of affection) to holding hands.

There’s a misconceived cultural prejudice which leads some people to think older people who have sex are behaving inappropriately.

It’s difficult for a chid of any age to accept their mother being physically familiar.

Paul McCartney’s offspring weren’t exactly delighted by his puppyish displays of attraction (in the early days of the courtship) to Heather Mills — they felt it was disrespectful to Linda McCartney’s memory. His new bride, Nancy Shevell, has been far more diplomatic and has won the family’s approval.

Lisa’s daughter reluctance to discuss your partner is, on the face of things, unfair, but not unusual. She wants you to be her mother, not a girlfriend and confidante. 

If you’re lucky enough to find love, celebrate it; the point about growing older is you finally have the confidence to make bold choices.

Just remember in your bliss to be sensitive about the fact your families need time to adjust to the new landscape. When they have, I am sure they will share your joy.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougar Woman’s Boyfriend Wants Kids

by Linda Franklin 
Cougar Woman's Boyfriends Wants Kids by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman
I received this touching email from a an older woman who found herself in a relationship with a younger man.  The problem she faces is one shared by many women, so I wanted to share it with my readers.  I asked her permission and she said yes.  

Hi Linda,

My name is Tara and I’m an avid reader of your blog and a member of The Real Cougar Woman Club. 


I was wondering if you could write an article or pass along some advice to me regarding my situation with dating a younger man. My experience may not be as unique as I feel it is, but I haven’t been able to find anyone who has gone through a similar situation. 

I was dating a man who was thirty, I was forty seven at the time. Initially we had been friends, each in relationship with someone else.  As our friendship developed we grew closer and decided that we wanted to be together as partners. My age was never an issue for him but i struggled with it a bit, my self esteem and confidence issues surfaced but we managed. 

Not too long after we hooked up, a good friend of his passed away leaving his wife and their two young children, one being a new baby. When this happened, his desire to have a family really surfaced and it ultimately led to us parting ways. 

We were apart for about eight months although we stayed in touch as our friendship was so strong. He came back a few months ago saying that he didn’t want to be without me and realized that our being together was the most important thing to him. We promised each other that we would communicate if his feelings about having kids were to surface again….and unfortunately, they did. 

We talked but really, the bottom line cant be changed. I have two children, a twenty one yr old and a sixteen yr old and I don’t want to start another family. Even if I could, I’m too old to have a child and like I said, having a child again even through invitro or adoption is not an option for me. We decided to end the relationship and I’ve asked for no contact because being in touch only fuels the pain and heartache. 

As cut and dried as it seems, I’m having such a hard time with the loss of the relationship again. I understand it, I think it’s great that he wants a family, but my heart feels otherwise. I’m so angry at the world and myself for falling in love with someone that I can’t be with. I am everything he wants in a woman and we love each other so much. We get along famously in laughter, honesty and with a deep connection but our differences in age has brought about this painful circumstance. 

I feel so alone and I wondered if you’ve come across this type of issue before and if so, would you share any insight that may help me get past it. Perhaps its like any other failed relationship, only time will be the healer. I miss everything about him, I love him so much. I don’t know how to move on feeling so broken hearted. I know I will survive but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hello Tara –

Tara, I feel your pain.  It’s not easy finding a man you have such are connected with in so many important areas.. But, for what it’s worth, I believe you did absolutely the right thing. You must always listen to your gut even when the message it’s sending isn’t what you want to hear. 

Living a happy life is all about the choices you make.  I respect you for being upfront and honest with yourself and your boyfriend.  Telling him what he wants to hear, at your expense, never works.  Hang in there the right man will come along.   Many younger men have the added pressure of listening too much to friends and family who could be reinforcing the family issue.   Stay strong. 

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

5 Qualities Cougars Want In Their Man

Five Things Cougars Want In Their Man Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman

by Linda Franklin

What does a Real Cougar Woman want in her man?  Some might say that we’re complicated – but that’s not really true. Through trial and error we have discovered what’s important and what’s not.

I have put together a wish list that’s actually pretty basic. I think most women would agree that these things are very important in sustaining a happy relationship. 

A Man Who Listens – Real Cougars wants a guy who looks into our eyes and actually convinces us he cares about what we’re saying.

Women know that quality is rare, especially, if you have been with one person for a long time.  These guys have definitely fine-tuned how to tune us out.  And, that ‘s why listening is very important to us.

Man Who Loves – Real Cougars want a man who isn’t afraid to show how much he loves you.  Not just tells you – shows you.  Small gestures, like making dinner, buying flowers mean a lot.  Needless to say, we also want someone who can also make our toes curl between the sheets.

A Man Who Provides – Yes, even though we are perfectly capable of providing for ourselves, we want our man to be able to do the same.  This myth about sugar mamas is just that –  a myth.

A Man Who Shares – A man who shares his feelings is a gem.  Honestly, guys we don’t like to guess or try to read minds. Just tell us what’s going on – it’s so much easier that way.

A Man Who Like Adventure – We want a man who wants to try new things.  He doesn’t have to dive out of airplanes or climb mountains, but he does have to go with the flow and not get stuck in the past doing the same things over and over again. Real Cougars love to try new and exciting things and want a man who can keep up with their energy and passion for life.

These are my picks.  Ladies, if you want to add to the list I would be interested in your comments. 

                      ******************

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Spending Money On A New Man

by Dr. Fayr Barkley Ph.D. 
 
Spending Money On A New Man By Dr. Fayr Barkley for The Real Cougar WomanYou’ve had a handful of dates and really like him. You and your BFF are out window shopping for the holidays and you spy a gorgeous winter scarf that would be oh so perfect with his steel blue eyes.
 
Should you or shouldn’t you? Something tugs at your fantasy heart strings…it’s just you and him alone in a cabin on a snowy mountain. You sip champagne as he delicately feeds you strawberries in front of the crackling fire and massages your feet.  He just looks so darn adorable wearing that beautiful scarf you got him, and little else.
 
Seeing the glazed-over look in your eyes, your BFF snaps you back to reality; as all loyal BFF’s do when our fantasy mind has gone astray.
 
“You seriously aren’t going to buy him a present are you?” The aghast look on her face inspires your most defensive posture.
 
“But this scarf would look so great on him and I am really starting to like this guy.”
 
BFF flips over the price tag and looks at you.
 
“Seriously. You’re going to spend this kind of money on a guy you barely know?”
 
And the truth of the matter is, yes, you would. And you don’t really even know why you would.  You tell yourself that it is in the spirit of the holiday season of giving to others,  that he could probably use a nice scarf, that every time he wears it he will think about you and have warm, fuzzy thoughts that will bond him to you forever and ever and you will marry in a cathedral in Paris with a 5 carat diamond solitaire on your finger, be driven in a chariot by white horses while a thousand doves are released into the air around you. Whew! Your fantasy mind races. Suddenly you are yachting in the Mediterranean together.
 
All this projection of perfection, as I call it, from an overpriced scarf and eyes that make your heart melt every time you look into them.
 
Logically we know a scarf or any other holiday gift will not bring our fantasies to reality with the current man in our lives. But it is comforting on some level, to pretend it can. Heck, it’s a lot of fun to rev up those hormones and get that Dopamine flying around our brains.
 
So, when should we or should we not spend money on “some guy” in our lives? Do we wait until the third date? Sixth date? Until we are sure he is going to buy a holiday gift for us?
 
And let’s say you do buy him a gift and he does not buy you one; or he doesn’t even commit to see you over the holiday season. Your cabin in the snow fantasy is dashed to bits.
 
Have you ever regretted the holiday gifting scenario? Ever been disappointed that you spent the time, let alone the money, to find something special for him and felt let down when he did not reciprocate? Or when his holiday plans were so “iffy” you didn’t know if he was including you in them or not?
 
When do you think a holiday gift is appropriate to give and would you put a dollar limit on it based upon how much time you have been together or the level of commitment between you? Are you in a committed relationship or just “dating”? There is a difference. And the answer to that question is something that needs to be determined so that good judgment can prevail; especially during holiday shopping time.
 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 
 
 

Real Cougars Know They Are A Great Catch

George Bernard Shaw said, “Youth is wasted on the young”. Let's all chime in and say "Amen!  9831778 Yes, we are all getting older, but we are also getting better and that's why we are such a great catch. 

I get emails all the time from women telling me that the dating experience is tough and it's not how they remembered it. Wish I had a nickel for every time I hear that dating is a young person's game and putting yourself in such a vulnerable position just ain't worth it.

Well, don't be so fast to count yourself out of the game.  It's time to recognize that the added years are actually expanding your chances of making a perfect match.  Real Cougar women, I am proud to say, are able to attract wonderful men at any age. They have that special blend of class and sass that men just eat up.

If you don't believe me, allow me to remind you why you are such a great catch.

You know yourself better now.
At the heart of wise dating is a clear understanding of who you are. You must know your needs, temperament, strengths and weaknesses before you can select the right partner.

You are better equipped to assess potential partners.
How people present themselves often is not an accurate gauge of what’s going on inside. As we get older, we become more skilled at figuring out what makes others tick. We look for clues about their true character. We watch for signs of emotional health, spiritual commitment, and sound decision-making.

You have a clearer sense of what matters.
By the time we’re well into adulthood, most of us understand that lasting love hinges on heart-and-soul qualities. Kindness, unselfishness, compassion, joyfulness—these are the qualities that enrich relationships over the long haul. We know that these internal characteristics are far more significant than external factors.

You have clarified your dreams and goals
We are more focused and do only the things that we feel called to do. That’s important because a great marriage includes two people whose goals and dreams overlap. As you have become more selective about the ambitions to pursue, you are better able to evaluate whether your goals complement those of your potential partner.

You have more realistic expectations.
You've undoubtedly been in some rough relationships. Those experiences, though painful at the time, have an upside: they provide valuable lessons and create a more reasonable, sensible view of love and marriage. Older singles know that any kind of romantic relationship, however wonderful, will have problems to work through. A long-term relationships can be fabulous, but it will never be flawless.

If you cringe when you think about your age, do yourself a huge favor and tune out all those negative vibes.  Instead, make a list of all the reasons why any man would be lucky to be with you. Your years have prepared you to find and enjoy a lasting and fulfilling relationship.  So if that's what you want – just go out and find it!