Cougar Confessions – Dating Men Half My Age

by Linda Franklin

Cougar Confessions - Dating Men Half My Age Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI was surfing the net and came across this article on how one Cougar Woman comes to peace with her sexuality.   I love it and thank you Your Tango  for publishing it.  It just may help a lot of women enjoy an exiting time in their lives without feeling the guilt or shame that society attaches to the older woman – younger man coupling.

I’m not what you’d call an incredibly sexual person. Not anymore, anyway. I’m still interested, mind you. I just have very specific preferences when it comes to sex. I’m in my fifties now (and hopefully wiser for the wear), so I no longer have the frisky energy of a younger woman. When I was young and hungry for sex, the world was my playground. I was out to conquer and be conquered. Age puts perspective on things.

In fact, it’s that very lack of desperation that’s freed me, sexually speaking. Having come to terms with the mature woman that I’ve become, I’m finally in touch with what I want. And what I want is younger men.

Fortunately, younger men seem to gravitate toward me, and I often find myself on the receiving end of some very flattering sexual attention. When I first noticed this phenomenon, I thought, Nah, what could these young dudes be seeing in me? I must be reading into it. Recently, a lovely man of about 23 approached me. He could hardly catch his breath while telling me how beautiful he thought I was. I laughed in his face. In my mind I looked more like an exhumed corpse than an object of lust on that bright (very bright) afternoon.

As he reached out to touch my bare arm in what became a seductively overt caress, I realized this guy was serious. And I must admit, it was an incredible turn on. He asked for my number and I gave it to him, still laughing. Did I really want to pursue this, or was this just a perfect moment unto itself? Either way, his attention thrilled me.

Apparently, I thrilled him too. In his eyes I could see the sincerity of his request; he really wanted me. It was exhilarating to be desired by such a young man. I woke up to the realization that, no, he wasn’t into the walking dead; he was interested in the woman that I sometimes forget I am. In our brief encounter, he made me feel young again. When I allowed myself to fantasize for a moment about this coming to fruition, I felt energized and beautiful in a way I hadn’t in years.

Of course, the road that led me here wasn’t a linear one. You’ve heard of the wisdom of age? Well, it’s yours to have, but the price is harsh: you have to survive your forties. If you can make it to 50, you can probably assume the worst is over. By then, all of your stupidest moves are behind you, you’ve raised as much hell as you’re ever going to and you’ve gotten your divorces out of the way. You’ve died hard and lived to tell. You got to watch your body unravel while your mind kept thinking it was 20. When women catch glimpses of their mothers in their own reflection, it’s not necessarily a good day. I spent my forties going insane.

I woke up in my fifties and suddenly — like some kind of hormonal wipeout — everything was fine. I had a clear vision: This is my one and only life; joy is wherever I find it. And I find it in writing, in being a successful single mom, and occasionally, I find it in surprisingly hot flirtations with men half my age.

The first man I ever fell in love with was in his twenties, and he was indeed the poster boy for what I considered to be perfect male beauty. I’ll never forget his soft face and flowing hair. The connection we had was strong and sexual. Memories of him will resonate with me forever. In my mind, I’m still that young woman. He’s still the type of man I prefer, all these years later.

So, the question really is: Do I actually sleep with any of these younger men who fawn over me?

Do I dare answer? The truth is, just knowing that they’re interested is a greater thrill for me than the act itself. 

This is not a new game. Young men have loved older women since the beginning of time, and women have adored the attention for just as long. Unlike our younger counterparts, experienced women are not attached to a future. There is no plan, no scheme, no agenda that might push a man away. No one’s putting a ring on it, and the biological clock isn’t ticking. In short, there’s no desperation. The sensual ‘cougar’ is a magnet for youthful male attention because she doesn’t want anything from him but his beauty, which is a huge ego trip for him and something he can deliver without much pressure.

For a young man, the older woman is the ultimate fantasy: she’s so out of his league, and while it intimidates him, it’s also incredibly erotic. Even though he senses that she is enthralled with the power he brings, the young man who craves the sexual attention of an older woman is brave, because she really does know more than him.

To know that in my fifties, I can still make a 23-year-old man tremble with a desire to please me … well, that sure does make me smile. Healthy lust is life-affirming and human sexual connection can be magical. Even the briefest of encounters can add years to our lives — and isn’t that what we’re all searching for?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Opening Up About What You Need Sexually

by Linda Franklin

Opening Up About What You Need Sexually  Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanWomen know what they need to be sexually fulfilled but they are not good about communicating that information to their man.

If you were totally honest about what turns you on, what would you be sharing with your partner?

Here’s what some woman have said:

 

 

  • ‘It takes me longer to orgasm than you – don’t rush me’

    In order to feel like sex, I need to be emotionally turned on, as well as physically stimulated.

  • Words are aphrodisiacs to me. If you want more sex, talk to me more.
  • The more housework you do, the more I will feel like sex. I’ll be less tired and will feel more like an equal partner than a slave.
  • I also want to initiate sex but I don’t have time to work up an appetite if you make a move on me daily.
  • It takes me longer to orgasm than you and it’s more difficult. Don’t rush me.
  • Be gentler. My skin is thinner and more sensitive than yours. What feels normal to you, often hurts me.
  • Don’t assume I only want romantic sex. I’m also up for wilder, lustier sex now and then.
  • Don’t hassle me for sex after I’ve said no. It makes me feel unsexy, rather than turned on.
  • Accept that I’m probably not going to orgasm purely through intercourse. I need clitoral stimulation.. This doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy intercourse, it’s just the way my body is designed.

If you’re not getting what you need to be sexually satisfied – try asking for it.  Any man worth his salt will appreciate your input.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Friends With Benefits or Friends With Complications?

By Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP

Friends With Benefits or Friends With Complications? Suzanne Phillips The Real Cougar WomanAccording to the urban dictionary, ‘friends with benefits’ are defined as “Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved.”

Wait a minute… didn’t someone say that once people see each other naked they can’t be friends?

In my experience working with people, I have found that those who have acted on what is now termed, “friends with benefits” often end up as “friends with complications” – or not friends at all.

Both men and women who sleep with a friend often start out believing, or telling themselves and each other  “It’s no big deal. Why not?”

The reality seems to be that it is a big deal emotionally – if not for both, often for one. Sleeping with a friend changes the definition of the relationship in terms of physical boundaries, emotional connection, conscious and unconscious expectations, view of self and other.

Whatever ground rules are set, adding sexual intimacy to friendship ushers in more than sexual release:

  • For some it brings to the surface a wish to be loved, a desire for more connection than was intended.
  • For some it escalates a fear of being trapped by expectations that change the comfort of the friend connection.
  • For those who feel caring and protective of each other, there is a fear of being exploited or guilt for exploiting.
  • For others a feeling of exposure limits the previous freedom of disclosure – Can you really tell the friend, with whom you just slept, of your interest in another man or woman?   Can you really complain about your weight gain or hair loss to a friend without complicating sexual desire with self-consciousness?
  •  For many, there is a lingering feeling of not being good enough to be the real spouse, lover or committed partner – only the sexual friend.
  • For too many, it jeopardizes the friendship because it collides with the many other roles friends freely choose to play in each other’s lives.

If people are really friends – they were enjoying mutual “benefits” long before they decided to sleep together.

  • Friends, whether at age six or eighty-six, are crucial ingredients in physical and emotional well-being.
  • Friends are the “peers” and “chums” who offer inclusion, belonging, learning and laughter.
  • Long time friends are the mile markers who bear witness to who we were, what we have faced, and how we have arrived.
  • Friends are the people who offer a different view than family or become a second family.
  • Friends are the people who meet our family and become extended family.
  • Friends are the people that mirror passions and expand our lives beyond our partners.
  • Friends are the people who have attunement to a special dimension that we value in ourselves.
  • Friends are the people who make us feel valued by their trust and reception of our help.
  • Friends are the people who are similar and different from us but whom we treasure for their unique gifts.
  • Friends are the people for whom time and distance make no difference in connection.
  • Friends are the people who enhance our sense of sexual desire by validating us, affirming our assets and applauding our victories.

It would seem that all friends are ‘friends with benefits’.

It may be too risky to believe that sleeping with a friend is a benefit! 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Make-Up Sex – The Same High As Cocaine

by Linda Franklin

Make-Up Sex - The Same High As Cocaine Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanMake-up Sex produces an emotional high that is highly intoxicating. There’s nothing like steamy sex to quench the flames of a heated argument.

But according to one doctor, jumping into the sack to smooth things over is the same as taking cocaine.

Clinical psychologist Seth Meyers believes that the high experienced from make-up sex is the real reason couples run for the covers to stop a fight and doesn’t go very far in solving the problem.

In a recent blog post on Psychology Today entitled, Make-Up Sex Hurts: Why and How to Avoid it, the L.A.based doctor explained why he think it is ‘bad news.’

‘It reinforces fighting and emotional drama. Think about it: If you have amazing sex after you have a huge fight, doesn’t it make sense to fight again when the reward is so great?’ He asked his readers.

The controversial theory contradicts what most people consider as a healthy way to end bad feelings and reconnect with a partner, but Dr. Meyers says that in most cases the search for intimacy is used as a band-aid for a larger issue.

When couples have shared ‘extreme negative emotions’, he explained, make-up sex provides a quick and easy resolution that might otherwise not have existed. 

‘They hunger to switch gears and jump to the opposite end of the spectrum- to feel the high that comes with making up,’ he wrote. ‘Honestly, it’s not that different from an addict who needs a hit of cocaine.’

But while initiating an argument solely for the satisfaction of the ensuing make-up sex is clearly indicative of a larger problem, compensating for a nasty spat by getting physical can also spice up your sex life, according to Dr. Jennifer Berman.

The Californian ‘sexpert’ told one curious reader in an issue of Health magazine: ‘Makeup sex is normal – and generally healthy, too.

‘Not only can it be madly passionate, but it can also sustain intimacy during tough times. Besides, it’s natural to feel turned on after an argument.’

Dr. Meyers argues real intimacy comes with balance and understanding and men and women would do better to pause for thought the next time they are compelled to rip each others’ clothes off mid-debate.

He advised: ‘Should you find yourself in the middle of a sexual encounter and suddenly realize that you feel confused, angry or sad, gently pull back and explain to your partner that you want to stop and try again later.  Checking in with yourself and communicating honestly and directly is the best way to keep the problem from snowballing.’

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream.  All things are possible”.  Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

What Women Really Want In Bed

 

What Women Really Want In BedFrom the time we are girls we are taught to massage the male ego, not with simply telling the male species how terrific they are, but hesitating to speak the truth because we don’t want to hurt their feelings.  We learned early on that could cause them to feel uncomfortable or imperfect.

This same dynamic is hurting a lot of women when it comes to their own sexual satisfaction. A woman who feels she is a ballsy broad in her daily life finds herself afraid to say “Please do this” or “Don’t do that” in the bedroom because she is afraid that the man will be shocked, upset or disappointed.

We know we should speak up about what we want and need sexually, but until more women are willing to do that, there are a number of things that men should know about. 

Here’s the shortlist:

Sex or Porn – We can tell when you’re doing something because you saw it in a porno. Most sex in porn is about what’s good for the camera, not what’s good for the participants – especially the women. In real life, sex is more of a whole-body experience, and the genital-only thing can feel cold. Of course, we feel men already know this but would rather not bring it to their attention.

Women do like having sex, and most of us can point to at least one or two experiences where a man orgasmed as soon as he touched you, and then rolled over and fell asleep while you wondered if that was all you’re going to get. But just because women would prefer intercourse to last more than 60 seconds doesn’t mean that longer is always better.  The vagina’s ability to continue lubricating itself is limited, which can make marathon sex feel more like a duty than a joy.

We know the path to orgasm Are you trying everything but nothing works to get her there? There’s a strong possibility she actually knows exactly what needs to happen, but is afraid to say so.  She might feel what she needs isn’t something you’ll like so she won’t ask.  It’s important to talk about this – but not in the middle of a sexual encounter.  Wait until the opportunity arises and then be open to hearing what really turns her on.

Women who have trouble achieving orgasm still enjoy sex but might avoid it because they fear disappointing their partner.  They dread the endless attempts to make orgasm happen. So, when you’re having that talk explaining that you’re not going to freak out if she starts speaking up about her needs.  Tell her she’s not being judged on her orgasmic skills and she doesn’t  have to be the star everytime you have sex. 

Women don’t like to fake orgasms, but pretty much all women turn the volume up on the ones they do have, because they know you like it. This isn’t lying, but embellishment, and it would be nice if men returned the favor. Sex is no time for masculine stoicism. A little verbal appreciation in the form of moaning and groaning makes a nice two-way street.

Err on the gentle side  Our bodies are very sensitive when aroused, so a gentle touch is appreciated.  Pushing, pulling and excessive banging not the way to go.  Men who dive at a woman’s genitals with their mouths might be appreciated for their enthusiasm, but not so much for their technique. Pressure can be added as needed, but the shock to the system of having someone overdo it can be a major turnoff.

 

Obviously, every woman is different, and even with these most general of guidelines, you’ll find dissenters. Communication between partners is the ideal. But have some sympathy on women who haven’t read enough self-help books or seen enough therapists to overcome their fear of speaking up.

You might find that having patience and understanding will make it easier to draw them out over the long run. To encourage more communication, don’t make faces or act like your ego is hurt when women do push themselves to speak up. It likely took a lot of courage so a little appreciation goes a long way.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

Women Hiring Gigolos On The Rise

by Linda Franklin

Women Who Hire Gigolos on the Rise  Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanA handsome, muscle-bound man who is charming, witty and keen to treat a woman like an angel whenever she is in the mood?

It may sound too good to be true. Until, that is, money is thrown into the equation.

Gigolos are on the rise in the U.S., says ABC’s Nightline, with more and more well-educated, successful and high-earning women willing to shell out thousands of dollars for dates – and sex – with the ‘perfect’ man.

Garren James, owner of Cowboys 4 Angels, has had 2,000 job applications since his agency starred in reality series, Gigolos. Models turned cowboys take home 80 per cent of their hourly rate which starts at $300.00.

With services paid for up front and under the strict guise of simply charging for time, rather than sex, the practice is 100 per cent legal – straight male escorts bill for their hours and nothing more. If that leads to sex with a female client, so be it.  

One woman uses this pleasurable service as incentive to lose wight – and books a Cowboy every time she sheds five pounds. It’s working. She says that since she started heading on dates with the former models, she has gone from a size 28 to an 18.

For her, though, the icing on the cake is that she is in control, and free to do as she pleases. ‘I know they aren’t going to call. I don’t want them to call,’ she told Nightline.

Cowboys 4 Angels is now in Texas, New York, California, Georgia and Nevada.

Today many women are too busy for a boyfriend and they prefer the ‘sure thing’.  This fits the bill for their needs.

While the gigolos are not required to take STD tests as they are officially not being paid for sex, but say they practice safe sex.

So, I toss this out to you.  Do you think it’s wrong for a woman to engage the services of a gigolo?  It sure flies in the face of conventional thinking.  I say it’s okay as long as you don’t get emotionally attached – and that’s a big if. Remember, Richard Gere got hooked on his paid-for escort in Pretty Woman?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Naughty Valentine’s Day

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

Naughty Valentine's Day Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanIf you remember my Blog from last Valentine’s Day, you will know this is not my favorite time of year. It’s great if you are in a good relationship, but if your relationship is less than or doesn’t exist at all, hearing your girlfriends excitement about where they will be dining, what they’ll be wearing and what they’ll be getting only amplifies your own loneliness.
 
Well, this year I have decided to do something a little naughty. A very handsome and successful young man I know is coming into town. We’ll be meeting at one of Beverly Hill’s finest restaurants. He asked me, coyly, what I’d be wearing. I told him I had not brought anything back from holiday with me that is appropriate. He suggested he take me shopping and we’d pick out something nice together.
 
Well, that got the little passion cogs in my brain turning. I said to him, “Instead of shopping together, why don’t you go out and get me something you’d like to see me in? An outfit complete with sexy little underthings would be nice.” I then told him I’d meet him at the restaurant in a black trench coat and once seated at the table he could hand me the shopping bag. I’d then slip upstairs to the ladies’ room and put them on and come back down to our table where champagne would be waiting. We’d dine on succulent delicacies, sip champagne and who knows? Perhaps we’ll go back to the L’Ermitage Hotel and his room for dessert. 
 
A girl can dream, can’t she?
 
Valentine’s Day. What are you doing? Do you plan to be naughty or nice?
 

 The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.