Cougar Women Have Trouble Trusting

By Linda Frankin

Cougar Women Have Trouble Trusting Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman Trust is something we all want and deserve from a partner, but often our past experiences make that difficult to achieve.

Here’s an email I received from a woman who isn’t quite sure if her boyfriend is being totally honest about his intentions.

Dear Linda:

I have read your book “Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am” and I really enjoyed it. I was wondering if you could be so kind as to help me out and give me some of your wise words regarding a new relationship.

I recently met a man who is a police officer. (Nothing like a man in uniform and I’ve never dated one before.) He is 10 years younger, we’re both single and we both have special needs children. We have a lot in common.We have the same likes and he understands the Spiritual Path that I follow. 

 Here is my concern. I am a very curvaceous, full-figured woman with auburn hair and blue-green eyes. I don’t look my age of 49 – more like I’m in my 30’s. I take good care of myself and I am very confident. It’s just that on a previous occasion, quite a few years ago, another man in uniform told me he liked me, found me very attractive but wouldn’t date me because firefighters and police officers don’t date women like me. They date petite blondes, who are a size 6.  They have to date hot women to keep an image, so to speak.

I know that all men are not the same. But I’m a little leery of getting involved with this police officer. I do not want to be out with him, run into some of his co-workers and end up being the butt of some joke. I have talked to him about it and he says he doesn’t care. But his previous girlfriend was, guess what? Petite blonde, size 6 with big breasts.

Your input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.

Dear Unsure: 

Don’t let your past experience influence the present.  All men aren’t that shallow.  Your guy said the age difference doesn’t bother him – but it sure is bothering you.  STOP trying to read his mind – it’s impossible to do.  Instead, enjoy each other, take one step at a time and silence that nagging voice in your head from ruling your life.  Live for now and enjoy the moment. Fear can stop us from doing many things that are beneficial for our growth.  Don’t let it rob you of your chance at happiness.

Linda

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Real Cougars – It’s Not About Sex Stupid!

AngerI read an article today taken from Chatelaine (a Canadian magazine for women) and low and behold there was a reference to my book Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am – The Real Cougar Woman Handbook.  It was described as a humorous book that a woman might read to pass the time away on a cougar cruise.  Just wanted to set the record straight.  This book is not funny, it's a serious look at the challenges women over 40 are dealing with every day. And these issues such as ageism, sex discrimination, menopause, divorce, dating and gaining financial Independence aren't so ha ha when they are happening to you.    Bookcoverfront172x248

In the article Katrina Onstad said, "the cougar joke isn’t a joke; it’s scorn. The cougar is a caricature: the horny granny infiltrating a young man’s world — a nightclub, a pub — encrusted with cheap makeup; a predator spilling out of a polyester wrap dress.  And the face that the media is seizing upon this monstrous image reeks of discomfort with the very idea of an older woman who dares to be sexual". I would agree with that one hundred percent and I have been trying to get convey that important message since I started this blog.

The term "cougar" has less do with sex and more to do with power. Female independence is scary to the men who control almost everything.  Nothing has really changed since we were earning 67 cents on the dollar. Men our age were really threatened by our intelligence, drive and ability to infiltrate their old boys club. So, no wonder today's Real Cougar is choosing younger men who admire and respect her achievements.

So come on – someone please tell me what women have to do to be taken seriously?  We've come so far yet sometimes it feels like we never left the starting gate. 

Cougars Love Blazing New Trails

Cougar couple 3 Every day I get emails from Real Cougars who are blazing new trails.  Their stories provide me with my daily dose of inspiration.  Here's one of those stories – one that many women will find all too familiar.
 
Linda, I just wanted to thank you so much for what you are doing.  I am reading your book now and I love the stories of women who have risen above and are helping other women.
 
I just got out of an 8 year relationship that headed down  dead end street.  He was 50, I am 45.  Leaving was one of the hardest things I have ever done, which is amazing because I have accomplished so much professionally, however personally I was a wreck.
 
I have worked hard and built up a successful financial services and CPA firm.  I did this while living in this very lonely relationship with a very controlling man.  Because of the stress at home I had put on 45 pounds and was miserable.  Finally I went to see a counselor who advised me to call it quits and I did.  Prior to that I went through eight breakups but always went back.  This time I worked through the fear and started down a new path. 
 
Your insightful comments about relationships in Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am really hit home.  It was after that I got out and put myself on Match.com and PerfectMatch.com.  After a few dates with older men I wanted to stab myself with a fork because they were so boring. I finally agreed to meet a 35 year old.  I can not tell you how much fun I had.  Younger men are definitely for me.
 
I found your website at the beginning of this journey and ordered your book.  I only wish I would have done this sooner.  I am having the time of my life.  I have lost 20 pounds so far and am on my way to loosing the rest.
 
Thanks again for all you are doing.  I look forward to continuing this journey with you and the other wonderful cougars.!
 
Eileen, thank you for sharing your story will all of us. 

Elizabeth Gilbert and I Are Skeptical About Marriage

In her bestselling memoir, "Eat, Pray, Love," Elizabeth Gilbertchronicled the time she spent traveling through Italy, India and Indonesia carbo-loading, meditating and seeking balance after suffering through a bitter divorce. At the end of her journey, she fell in love with a Brazilian man, and as far as readers knew, was off to live happily ever after. Elizabeth_gilbert

Well, not so fast, as Gilbert's new memoir, "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage" explains. It turns out, after she and Felipe decided to commit their lives to one another sans marriage, the U.S. government stepped in at a border crossing and explained to the couple that Felipe wouldn't be able to re-enter the country unless they were married.

Gilbert, who had sworn off marriage, submerged herself in research on the institution in an attempt to come to terms with it before entering into it again. She interviewed family, friends, and wives in various cultures, and examined the history of marriage and how it's evolved over time.

Elizabeth says, "divorce is the tax we pay for choosing as a culture to believe in love. But I will live with that because I believe in love, but it's also dangerous. We have to turn on the fluorescent light to recognize that marriage may have a fairytale beginning, but a real world ending. That's another reason why marriage is not a game for the young: You don't recognize the differences between affection and reality until you've been banged around a little bit".

I too am a skeptic about marriage.  I lived with my husband for over twenty years before we got married.  In my book "Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am" one of my favorite chapters is entitled You Don't Complete Me.  Anybody who enters into marriage because they think another person has the magic to make you happy will  be very disappointed. 

Real Cougar Names 2010 “The Year Women Real Cougar Women Soar Like Never Before”

As the Year of the Cougar winds down I am naming 2010 "The Year Real Cougar Women Soar Like Never Before".  This is the perfect time to take everything you have worked so hard for and move it to the next level. It's time to stop making excuses and start being the woman who doesn't settle for second best.Linda_Franklin01a

Too often when we don't get what we want we point the finger of blame.  We say, we're being treated unfairly because we're too old, we're overweight, we're in debt, we don't have enough experience.  Is all of that true?  In many cases of course it is.  But that's not enough reason to stop trying.  I know when I want something badly enough I get very creative. If I am denied access through the front door, I will make my entrance through the back.  It takes grit and it takes persistence but everything we want we can have.  Of course believing in yourself is a major factor in making it happen.

In my book Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am, I devoted the largest chapter to explaining my "I CREATE" model.  I call it Your Personal Success Magnet.  I have used it for years and it hasn't failed me yet. Some say I have the ability to make the impossible happen.  

My latest achievement was getting my book into the Barnes & Noble stores.  When I couldn't find anyone to held me do that, I figured a way to do it myself.  Again I back-doored it.  I was a first time author who used a very small boutique publisher and that profile usually doesn't get a book into the large book stores. But mine made it. Now, when I visit the stores to sign my books I am smiling from ear to ear seeing them displayed on the holiday table.

Never doubt what you are capable of doing.  I was the first Canadian woman to own a seat on The New York Stock Exchange and run a Wall Street trading department without ever going to college. I make the impossible possible and you can too.  If not now when?