Ask any man on the planet and they will tell you women are complicated. So, it’s no wonder that husbands have a tough time knowing if their marriage is going through a rough patch or it’s headed for the rocks. Today the greater percentage of divorces are initiated the wife. That’s quite a switch.
Most men might be vaguely aware of problems at home, but write it off to a ‘rough patch’ that will pass and be forgotten.
January 3rd has been nicknamed ‘divorce day’ by lawyers, because it’s the most popular day for couples who have been struggling to hold it together over the holidays, to pick up the phone and call their lawyers.
The warning signs are always there if you look for them. Women tend to stifle their emotions and their needs to keep everyone happy. But this suppression causes problems.
By shutting off negative emotions such as anger, frustration and sadness you end up switching off all feelings — even positive ones, like love.
The male myth that relationships are women’s work just doesn’t apply any more. Men may be conditioned to buy flowers, chocolates or an expensive dinner occasionally, but they often fail to keep an eye on the health of the relationship. This is what women crave – a man who is sensitive to their needs.
Men think that if there was a real problem, their wives would tell them and they could fix it. So – the unhappiness goes unchecked. By the time the alarm buttons are going off, she’s not saying ‘You’re taking me for granted’ or ‘We should go out more’ but: ‘I want a divorce’.
Men are emotionally ill-equipped to deal with this, because the one person they always turn to for advice — their wife — is unavailable for them now.
And, while women have close friends to talk things through with, men keep their personal feelings held pretty close to the vest.
Of course, it’s not just a husband’s job to save a marriage. If you feel you are falling out of love, chances are that you’re alternating two strategies, neither of which is working.
First, you keep trying to fix the relationship single-handedly, but feel increasingly resentful of this.
Second, after suppressing your unhappiness for some time, you explode about something trifling and all the pain and bitterness floods out.
This will barely register, as men tend to put outbursts down to feminine over-sensitivity or they simply can’t understand why such a minor issue has caused so much fury and soon forget about it.
The time to broach your issues is when you’re getting along. Calmly, explain that you’re exhausted and running out of hope that things can change.
The words ‘I don’t love you any more,’ may be harsh, but they are ones he will, at least, understand. If the situation is not quite so bleak, say: ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you.’
This will give your husband a final chance to shoulder his share of the responsibility for saving your marriage. It’s much better than joining the line of women outside the lawyer’s office.
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.