Leaving The Relationship First – Someone Has To

 By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

Leaving The Relationship First - Someone Has To Dr. Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanThe more I listen to people, the more I learn. In fact, I learn more by listening than I do by talking. No surprise there. But what is surprising is that I hear a common refrain from both men and women about leaving a relationship.They want to leave but are waiting for the other person to make the first move.

They are actually hoping the other will make some grand, unforgivable relationship faux pas so they can justify breaking up, as opposed to just initiating “the talk” with their partner and calling it quits.

Another thing I hear people doing is picking ridiculous fights with their partner or purposely doing something to annoy or tick the other person off. They are provoking conflict so they can justify a break up and blame it on the other person or at the very least absolve them from any “guilt” about leaving. This almost always results in ill will and damaged egos and bruised feelings. You don’t need to justify why you want out. The fact that you want out is justification enough.

If breaking up is what someone truly wants to do, then just do it. Don’t cause a rift. Don’t pick a fight. Don’t blame, shame or guilt the other person. Do the break up cleanly, with integrity and by taking the high road. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond,”This just no longer works for me and I am moving on with my life. I wish you the best.”

If you aren’t happy with your relationship and you know there is no potential for a future with your partner, you are doing both of you a favor by moving on. Time is a precious commodity we can’t afford to waste and we can never get it back. Empower yourself by moving forward and find the love you are looking for. Learn from your current situation by making a fair and impartial assessment of the dynamics that did and did not work and improve yourself to attract what it is you truly want.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.


2 thoughts on “Leaving The Relationship First – Someone Has To

  1. For many women the fear that they and their children will not be able to make it financially alone becomes an overriding issue. These financial concerns are quite typical and perfectly normal. We know this first hand since my firm, Bedrock Divorce Advisors, exclusively works with women throughout the U.S. on the financial aspects of their divorce. Many women come to us while they are still in the “thinking stage”. They want to get some sense of what their financial situation might look like both short-term and long-term if they go ahead with a divorce. Obviously there are many other factors involved in making such an important decision, but the fear of not being able to make it financially alone can become paralyzing. That financial fear is also what keeps many women locked into an abusive relationship (exactly what their abuser is hoping for!).

  2. A wonderful article as always Dr. Barkley. This is the best of advise and so easy to follow when the emotions of confusion don’t keep one from acting practically, as they often know on some level, they should. But when real love exists for another person and lack of their company is too difficult to imagine, it becomes harder. Harder still, if life has brought many people into your life, but none which stirred the depth of feelings and happiness as this person has. Then it’s hard to walk away, knowing that it’s possible, that the “magic” as well as the day to day feelings of happiness, satisfaction and peace may not again be found in another. But when there are also repeated feelings of unhappiness for what ever reason, one must eventually give it up. Then the difficult task isn’t so much the walking away, but your life which follows and the disappointing reality that a replacement for what you had, may never again come.

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