Does Cheating Ever Work Out?

Does Cheating Ever Work Out? Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanBy: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.
Back in my grandparents’ era, divorce was relatively uncommon. Women had fewer choices then and fewer financial resources. “Divorce” and “adultery” were dirty words only whispered.  Most wives looked the other way. There was not any No Fault Divorce on the books, so one had to prove adultery or cruelty, which brought even more whispers and shame from the community.

Flash forward to the ‘60’s and women’s struggle for civil rights, equal pay for equal work and sexual freedom. Increased financial resources meant women didn’t have to put up with infidelity any more; they could now take care of themselves.

Nowadays, almost as many married women as men are cheating. The “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” is alive…but is it well…for relationships, that is. Celebrities do it. Politicians do it. Now Middle America is doing it. But I have to believe it is taking its toll on relationships and perhaps people are not really focused on the gravity of the marriage commitment so much when they think,”If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just get a divorce, or find someone on the side.”

I also have to believe, there are those of us out there who still believe in the integrity of the institution of marriage. Just this week, a young man whom I have known for a few years texted and asked me to have an affair with him. “Aren’t you married?” I asked him. “And don’t you have a young child with your wife?”

Here is the rest of the conversation:

Him: You know you want to see me. I really want to see you.
Me: There is no potential upside for me to see you.  And it would not be fair to your wife or your son. I am sorry you chose to marry a woman with whom you now say you don’t love and don’t feel sexually compatible, but you made that choice and now you have a child with her.

Him: Do you want to see me or do you just want to tear me apart?
Me: I don’t break up marriages or families and I don’t help married men cheat. I have integrity and ethics about that.

Him: OK. I get it. How about we meet just for coffee? We can be friends. Good friends. 😉
Me: Frankly, I don’t associate with liars and cheaters.

Him: You know you want to see me. We had such great chemistry together once. Let’s see if it’s still there.
Me: There is no future for us either romantically or as friends. I hope you focus instead on your relationship with your wife and son.

Afterwards, it occurred to me if women didn’t cheat with married men (and vice versa) then the rate of infidelity would go drastically down.  People would think hard about making a marriage commitment and work harder at making better choices and working on the relationship.
Men cheat because we LET them cheat. Maybe wives don’t give them permission to do it, but it makes it easier if other women make ourselves available. I happen to believe I am worth more than being the “other woman.”  A LOT more. Think of it this way: Would YOU want some woman helping your husband or partner cheat on you? 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.


8 thoughts on “Does Cheating Ever Work Out?

  1. Speaking as a wife who’s been cheated on a time or four, I can tell you that NO ONE wins in cheating. Not ever. It’s all well and good to go into marriage counseling, to forgive and move forward, but the fact is that old wounds simply become scars after awhile. And just as scars never feel like your original skin, a broken and patched up marriage never feels like the original one either. Life is challenging and painful enough without adding a cheating spouse to the pack.

  2. Anna, thank you for your comment. I agree wholeheartedly with what you are saying and sorry you went through that unnecessary pain. Developing trust takes time, but betrayal has immediate, profound and long lasting results. (((Hug)))

  3. as a single woman (widowed) I have had married men entice me to have sex with them. At first i was somewhat polite and sent back rational replies as to why I wouldnt but now my standard reply is “go F**** your wife, you never know u both may like it” My main reason for being brash and to the point is I wouldnt like that to happen to me and I want a man who will be loyal to me. I am worthy of a full and complete relationship with a man not being a bit on the side. There are plenty of single guys around who can provide me with what I physically need. I would never be able to trust a married man if he got me by cheating on his wife. FWB is a good way to go for me, at the moment, what the future will bring is a coin spinning in the air.

  4. My wife is 15 years older than me. She was always jealous. A friend recommended her male chastity belt. I accepted and now we’re both happy.

    • There are many men world wide who wear chastity devices and many are designed to go through airport security. Some men even opt for a Prince Albert piercing to show their complete adoration and bonding to the woman.

      • Male chastity belt is ideal for cougar couples. It is much more prevalent in cougar couples than many think. Our lifestyle is not BDSM. No humiliation, sadism and masochism. My wife only control my sex life. It helps me to be more focused on her needs, sexually and in everyday life. She and I enjoy, the connection between us is more passionate and more tenderness.

  5. I’m 49 years old. My husband is 17 years younger than me. He wears a chastity belt. In Croatia, more than half of the Cougar women require their husbands to wear a chastity belt. My husband is due to the chastity belt much more concentrated on my needs. The more time we spend together, he is carefully, and a wonderful husband. It ‘s amazing how one little thing can change a man and make him a wonderful husband. If between husband and wife does not love, it’s all in vain.

  6. Over the past 20 years I have been hearing more and more men say they want to be in chastity with a woman holding the key. They say, as you do here, that it allows them to focus more on the woman’s needs instead of on their own sexual desire. There is a large faction of younger men who seek out dominant, older women to bond with; which is why I put a group on my Cougar dating site called “Sub Cubs”. These submissive men are not necessarily wimps. They are strong men who assert their place in life is to serve the woman and many spend their entire lives looking for one who will “own” them. There are many websites dedicated to this pursuit and the dynamic is universal. I have spent considerable time researching and interveiwing in this area (as a human behavior researcher) and their desire is traced back to a definining imprint sometime in their younger years.

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