Sex is wonderful and sex is complicated. Getting two people to be on exactly the same page takes time and good communication. What you think is pretty darned fantastic doesn’t necessarily translate to the other person.
Recently I talked with a woman who is concerned because her partner of four years has become obsessed with the idea of simultaneous orgasms. She feels every time they’re in bed, he is trying to synchronize their climax. Yikes, talk about pressure. This has gotten so bad, she’s even tried faking it to keep him happy, and we know that never works.
Only in the movies does sex look perfect. In real life it isn’t. You never see any heroine say”, Hang on a minute, you may have popped your cork, but I haven’t — don’t you dare roll over and go to sleep!’
I talk to a lot of women and most say that simultaneous orgasms — while not quite as rare as unicorns — aren’t all that common (and often get less frequent with age). Only two have experienced the phenomenon with any frequency.
Most women will admit that in their 30’s it was easier to time their orgasms with their partners, but after having children is was almost impossible. And, with some partners it was easier to coordinate peaks, but it didn’t always mean the sex was better.
Early in the dating process perhaps is was easier to experience simultaneous climaxes, but when that pattern didn’t continue the man thought he was doing something wrong.
A word of advice for the guys. Women hate when you stare down and ask how close we are. It makes us tense and irritated. To avoid that many women fake orgasm to please you but it is really making them miserable.
The biggest downside of fake orgasms is that men think they have pushed some kind of magic button when they haven’t. They then become perplexed when they try to repeat the process and nothing happens.
It’s clear you need to talk to your partner about sex outside the bedroom, when emotions aren’t running so high. The question is – what has made him feel that synchronised climaxes are so vital? Perhaps they were a feature of a previous relationship and he’s come to believe that they’re vital for good sex?
No two women peak in the same way (some don’t have orgasms at all, so much as a pleasurable plateau of sensation) and he needs to understand that.
Rare is the man who has never watched pornography and many develop unrealistic expectations from scenes where trigger-happy porn stars climax on cue. Why? Because they’re faking it and the whole thing’s a fraud. Explain to your partner that you feel you’re being held up to some golden standard that doesn’t exist.
True erotic love is free and easy and doesn’t conform to any preconceived plan. There are no rules when it comes to good sex — we just need to release ourselves and enjoy the moment.
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.