by Linda Franklin
Women definitely have the advantage over men when it comes to sexuality because we can experience not only multiple orgasms, but can even reach orgasm through different stimulation in different areas. There are women who can reach orgasm having their breasts and nipples stimulated, some from certain areas on their thighs or knees, some from their elbows, their hips and buttocks, and still others from their back, neck, or scalp. As you can see, when it comes to a woman’s orgasm, there can be a very wide range of possibilities.
Most commonly, however, women reach orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris. Again, there are choices. Stimulation can range anywhere from a tongue during oral sex, to fingers in foreplay or masturbation, a vibrator, or a steady stream of water. So many paths to pleasure.
There are many women who can reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation, but don’t think they are normal because they can’t have an orgasm with penetration. Those women too often feel there is something wrong with them because, unless they can find a position where they can rub their clitoris against their partner’s body, they can’t reach orgasm. And there are plenty of men too, it seems, that want to know what is wrong. Why isn’t there partner having an orgasm when they have intercourse? Is there something wrong with her? Is there something he is doing wrong, or something different he needs to do? The reality is, there is nothing wrong and she is probably perfectly normal.
Only about 30% of women can reach orgasm with intercourse or penetration alone. When these women are reaching orgasm from penetration, it is usually due to rhythmic stimulation of their cervix, found at the top of the vagina. Many women describe this orgasm as happening “on the inside,” as opposed to the orgasm they get from stimulating the clitoris, which they feel more “on the outside.” So that leaves approximately 70% of women that cannot have orgasm with simple intercourse or penetration. These women are the norm, not the other way around. I repeat, only having orgasms from stimulation of the clitoris is normal and is the most common scenario.
Orgasm should never be a mission and sex should focus most on pleasure and closeness. With that said, it is not unreasonable to suggest that a woman receive plenty of oral or manual stimulation before, during, or after intercourse so that she has maximal opportunity to have an orgasm (or two or three).