Women Have To Stop Beating Themselves Up

By Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman 

FrustratedWoman Women are incredibly hard on themselves. We are — smart, successful, attractive, benevolent — but for some reason we feel like we are never enough so we beat ourselves up.

Okay, this nasty secret is out in the open.  Too often we feel selfish, lazy, and guilty that we just don't give enough.

Research shows that women are generally kinder, more nurturing and empathetic to others than men. At the same time, they’re meaner, more dismissive, and critical of themselves.  What is all that saying about us?

You should be generous and forgiving towards others, but punish yourself mercilessly when you get it wrong.

We give and we give, then we turn around and criticize ourselves for still not giving enough. Eventually that behavior causes us to crash and burn.  How much can one woman take?

One of our worst culprits is self-esteem. It’s the need to see ourselves as ‘good’ in the first place, and the incredible pressure we put on ourselves to reach this impossible notion of perfection, that’s the real problem. In our highly competitive culture, we’re told we need to be special to feel good about ourselves.

Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a yo-yo in lockstep with our latest success or failure. We get an incredible high when we receive a nice compliment, but feel like jumping off a bridge when someone ignores us or — worse — criticizes us.  We may say we don't care what others think but we really do.

So, what’s the answer? We can learn to be compassionate to ourselves for being human, for being flawed. We can start being kind to ourselves. I know this sounds a bit touchy-feely, but it works.
Study after study shows that women who are self-compassionate are much less depressed, anxious and stressed, as well as happier, more confident, and satisfied with their lives, than their harshly self-critical counterparts.

But what does self-compassion mean exactly? The concept stems from Buddhist traditions that emphasise compassion for all beings — ourselves included —– because we are all part of an interconnected whole.

It also entails relating to our situation with mindful awareness — or seeing things as they are without having kittens about it — so that we neither ignore nor exaggerate problems in our lives.

Fortunately, women have access to an incredibly powerful tool they can use to turn things around. We can draw on our ability to care for and nurture others and direct these strengths inward.

The help we need to thrive is available inside us, there whenever we need it, especially when things are at their worst. Wehave to dismiss the notion that others are worthy of kindness and we are not. We need to promote compassion in every aspect of life, and the first place to start is with ourselves.


The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,"there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible". Linda's book, Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s