Cougar Women and Boomerang Men

FAYR_IN_BELLDINI_RED I was talking with a girlfriend about a guy she once dated. Every few months, out of the blue he calls her. He wants to see her, insists he needs to talk to her face to face. He professes he never stopped caring about her and even though they have been away from each other for months, he hasn't stopped thinking about her. He swears he has thought long and hard about what they had and is now a changed man. Of course, there was a good reason she threw this man away, but just like a boomerang, he keeps coming back.Cougar couple 3
Boomerang Men you have probably had at least one in your life. Typically he comes back because he is on the rebound from someone else (but omits telling you that fact) and the path of least resistance is to try to reconnect with someone familiar.

If he is in pain from another woman who dumped him as you did, he may try to crawl back to you, claiming he has "thought long and hard and learned his lesson".

If the sex in the relationship was good, he may want to come back for a taste while he is "in between" relationships. Regardless of the agenda, he is looking to you to plug into his void until your successor comes along. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Is the Boomerang Man worth it? More often than not, NO. Remember the saying, "Leopards don't change their spots"? Well, cliches like that exist for a reason. The dynamics that existed between you in the relationship of the past that didn't work will fail again the second time around.  You need to ask yourself "What is it within myself that has a need to subject myself to a man where the results are always the same?" Is there a fear of abandonment, of letting go, of thinking 'the third time is the charm', are you lonely/desperate/bored, or do you just need to be bopped in the head/heart enough times before you GET IT and THROW HIM OUT PERMANENTLY?
If there is a Boomerang Man coming back over and over into your life it is up to you to make a decision that is healthiest for you. Even letting him in as "just friends" usually does not work. The past dynamics keep oozing back in and in a short time you will start feeling the discomforting and familiar pains. If he wasn't a good boyfriend, you couldn't trust him, he lied or cheated, then why would you want to make him a friend?
Gently, but firmly, let him know that you have moved on, wish him well and tell him you need to have him respect the boundary of not contacting you again.  You don't owe him explanations. You don't need to justify your decision. 

As strong cougar women, we may like to think that we are the "special one" who can turn the tide and make these Boomerang Men come to their senses, shape up and follow through as good relationship partners. Heck, we may even try to rehabilitate them for someone else. The question is, do you really want or need this challenge? Do you really want to raise a boy into a man?  Wouldn't you rather spend your valuable time on other happier, healthier pursuits? 

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