Although it might seem we are always caught in the crossfire of our lives, there are certain times when we know we have arrived at a crossroad. We stare blankly at those two roads and try to decide which path feels more like the right one. We know that the decision we make is completely up to us, which is powerful, but at the same time pretty daunting. But, Real Cougars always take full responsibility for everything they do so we go for it.
Right now I feel that I am at another one of those inevitable crossroads in my life. If you read my book, Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am, you know I have had at least three or maybe four similar times in my life when my future hinged on a very important decision. Looking back, I know I made the right decisions then and I hope I will make the right decision now.
In order to put the odds in my favor, I am seeking advice from what I believe to be knowledgeable professionals. I know the final decision is mine, but gathering lots of information, will hopefully give me a broader perspective. Having said that, getting advice has its own perils. It can be helpful or it can leave your even more confused than ever. And, then there's the problem of the ego. For me to say I don't know makes me feel very vulnerable. I don't like feeling dumb. Of course, I know those feelings are merely old scratchy records being played in my head, but nevertheless, they still are really painful.
Everyone I speak to tells me I have to decide what my overall goal is and do I want to achieve. They are not wrong, but as I have gotten older the answers to those questions have become a little more complicated. In my 20s & 30s, it was all about making money and having people think I was smart. Now, it's more about being happy and being emotionally and spiritually fulfilled. It may sound corny, but without those two pieces of the puzzle the rest doesn't really matter.
So, now that I have vented a little bit, I will continue to ponder my choices. I will get quiet, try to turn off the chatter in my head and see what bubbles up from within. I am pretty sure, I know what to do but it sure would be nice to get a sign to confirm I am going down the right road.