He sends you a wink on an online dating site. You wink back. A few email exchanges later, you’re on the phone laughing, sharing and finding you have oh, so much in common. He’s divorced. So are you. He has grown children. So do you. You both enjoy snowboarding, champagne and strawberries, lazy Sunday mornings and the Times crossword puzzle.
You set a plan to meet for coffee, but he calls the night before and tells you he needs to reschedule. The reason isn’t important and you don’t question it and happily oblige to meet him for lunch or dinner or cocktails later in the week when he says, ”Let’s try to get together again this week, maybe Thursday. Let’s just see what happens.”
You wait until Thursday arrives and there’s no call from this seemingly perfect man who seemed so perfect for you. You wonder, “Should I call him? What happened? Did I say something to annoy him? Is he laying in a ditch somewhere with his limp almost lifeless finger on the speed dial button for my number?”
Your first inclination is to find out if he is okay. Your second inclination is, if he is okay and just not calling you, to reach through the phone and twist his pointy little head off. But since you have never met the guy, your escalating emotional fuming mixed with insecurity over being dumped by a guy you have never met seems, well…ridiculous.
Why is he behaving this way? Who knows. There are as many reasons for his not following through as there are differences in snowflakes, so don’t even go there. Speculation will only make you crazy, increase cortisol levels and drive you to chocolate.
Instead of focusing on his behavior, look at your response to it and ask yourself why you are getting so worked up over a stranger, a man you have never met who for all you know, is not the handsome professional man whose online picture you have imprinted in your head when you fall asleep at night, but a shrunken gnome of a man sitting in his underwear in front of his computer hitting on every woman on the Internet as a form of entertainment.
If he couldn’t pull the trigger to follow through to meet you for coffee and never calls back, why should that upset you? Don’t give this guy a second thought. Instead, take your personal inventory about all the wonderful things you are and do and set your bar higher.
A much older male friend once said to me,” Men are like buses. One comes along every 15 minutes.” He’s right. This Mr. Wrong is not the last man on earth, so repeat this word after me: “NEXT, and move forward. Get busy with your life and fill it up with positive, healthy and meaningful hobbies and interests. The more you feel good about who you are, the less inclined you’ll be to fret and obsess over what really is a blip on your dating radar.