Women Would Rather Read About Sex Than Have Sex – Really?

by Linda Franklin 

The popularity of woman erotica is soaring.  Most recently this genre has been given a boost by books like The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.  In fact, Fifty is now the fast selling paperback of all time, surpassing Harry Potter.

 

I read all three books in the Fifty Shades trilogy and enjoyed each one.  For me it was a great escape – turning off the brain which is like a mini-vacation.  But, many women I talked to didn’t like it.  They were very critical of the writing skills of Ms. James.  Honestly, I don’t think she cares about the criticisms one little bit – - she is dancing a jig all the way to the bank.

 

Women reading erotica has become so popular that nearly 50 percent would rather read an erotic book than have sex themselves, according to a new poll. 

 

A survey by online bingo site Dotty Bingo found 44 per cent of women preferred reading about erotic adventures of others over taking part in their own sex lives.

 

That’s a good news, bad new scenario.  Yes, read, enjoy and fantasize but don’t forget to bring your fantasies back into your own bedroom.  That’s where the fun really begins.

Of the 400 women polled – all aged between 25 and 50 -  43 per cent said books such as the Fifty Shades trilogy made their own love lives seem routine and boring. 

They cited ease, a lack of energy and lack of imagination in the bedroom as reasons why their sexual encounters paled in comparison to sex scenes read about.

One respondent, who didn’t want to be named, said: ‘I’d much rather read about it then do it. It’s always exciting in a book and,  the hero never rolls off when he’s finished and starts snoring without so much as a cuddle.’

One person who won’t be surprised by the results of the survey is the mother of two Erika Mitchell, 49, who wrote Fifty Shades trilogy using the pen name EL James.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Married Women Lose Interest In Sex Because…

Interesting article on why women lose sexual interest — even in happy relationships. Karen Sims and Marta Meana conducted a qualitative (in-depth interview based) research study on 19 married women published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

There were three main themes that emerged from their data: 1. institutionalization of the relationship, 2. over-familiarity, 3. the problem of de-sexualization. What do these things mean?

For starters, Sims and Meana agree with contention that relationship issues are at the heart of women’s loss of sexual desire. However, not in the way that most people think. The majority of their participants were perfectly happy with their partners — just not their sex lives. And most of the women mentioned many reasons why their libidos took a hike.

Institutionalization

For many of the women, marriage itself was something of a snooze factor. Rollicking, bed-breaking premarital sex dwindled to Saturday night, missionary only encounters hurriedly sandwiched in between Junior’s soccer game and Fluffy’s deworming. Many of the women were simply bored by the routine of ever-available (and often unwanted) marital nookie. It was too sanitized and too socially sanctioned. One woman said:

“There was a lot of desire when I was dating, excitement. On the flip side, when you’re married, I know exactly how my husband is going to touch me, I know how much he loves me and I’m not embarrassed to take my clothes off. There’s a comfort there that is important to me. It’s just not as exciting . . . the desire is lost.

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

The second issue that the women complained about was over-familiarity. Many of the women lamented the loss of romance from the marital bedroom. But it was the romance of early love, the pre-relationship dating days with all of their novelty, anticipation, and uncertainty that they longed for the most.  One of the biggest buzz kills of all is doing the same thing, the same way, every time. And some men (and women as well) are like Pavlov’s dog, once they learn a new trick, they repeat it — over and over again.

Many women talked about how they could predict exactly what their honey would do next, and in what order. Kind of like their husbands had a mental checklist that they were marking off on their way to the grand finale. There is a biological reason that this would be a huge turn-off. Desire is fueled by the neurotransmitter dopamine, which rises in response to novelty and anticipation. If you know exactly what is going to happen next, your brain (and other body parts), says “why bother?”.

The women were also dismayed by their husbands ability to go from watching American Idol to grabbing a boob and hoping to get some action. 

De-sexualized Roles

This one was a no-brainer. You work a double-shift, there isn’t much left for anything else. Most of the women spoke of being absolutely depleted by their to-do list. And sex didn’t have a high priority on that list. Plus, many felt that there was an incompatibility between the role of “mom” and the role of “vixen”. After spending all day wiping noses and counter tops, transitioning into a night-time passion puss wasn’t easy to do. And some women simply didn’t have the energy after working at a job and then coming home to another one. Plus, for mothers of small children, the constant tactile demands of caring for a child left them feeling “overtouched” — on sensory overload — and not in the mood for more skin to skin contact.

The authors brought up some interesting points regarding the nature of female desire — one was the importance of novelty and transgression — contrary to popular stereotype, it’s not just about intimacy and safety. I have often thought that female desire, more so than male, is actually very contingent on a kind of arousing ambivalence — a feeling of being slightly off-kilter — but in a manageable way. As the authors pointed out, too much ambivalence and you are likely to feel too anxious, too little, and you’re bored.

I think a lot of this stems from the way that women are socialized to view sex and love. We fantasize that we are the object of some hot stud’s desire (Fifty Shades of Grey, anyone) and yet women don’t want to take a passive position.

Women are not comfortable with their anatomy, masturbate less than men, and have sex that is based on what works for men. Only 29% of women always have an orgasm during sex, in comparison to 75% of men.  If more women found sex physically gratifying, they might not be so hung up on romance. And they might not regard sex as such a boring chore.

Socializing women to be passive doesn’t work in the long run. And the idea that life-long love means nonstop, smokin’ sex is probably not realistic. Maybe if we could realize that, we wouldn’t be so obsessed with trying to sex it up. If we could just lighten up about sex — see it as adult play perhaps– we would be better off. But, sadly, given all the heavy energy surrounding the whole issue of sexuality that is not an easy thing to do.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sastisfying a Woman Sexually Can Only Be Taught By Women

by Linda Franklin

Satisfying a woman sexually isn’t rocket science, but men just keep doing the same-old, same-old without trying to educate themselves on what woman want.  That male-ego subborness results in anger, confustion and frustration for both the man and the woman.

Men have to learn to ask for specific directions from someone who knows how to get where they want to go. Typically they are getting their sex tips from porn and men’s magazines.  So, let’s face it – the average man is  CLUELESS on how to satisfy a woman.

The only way to learn how to please a woman sexually is information from other women.

Men really don’t have any idea what they’re missing, one man admits.  He says, “a completely satisfied woman is the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.”  He’s right!  When the lady is happy the world is a happier place for everyone.

I am not a sexologist but if you want to learn everything you can about female sexuality, I suggest you check out this site.  Betty Dodson, author, and PhD sexologist has been one of the principal voices for women’s sexual pleasure and health for over three decades.  Both Betty and her partner Carlin Ross believe the following:

* Masturbation is the foundation for all human sexual activity.

* Sexual repression begins with the prohibition of childhood masturbation.

* Every individual is entitled to contraception. Intentional motherhood is essential for the health and well being of women, children, men and the planet.

* Comprehensive sex education that includes information on how to achieve sexual pleasure in a variety of sex styles and relationships.

* Feedom to choose from a range of different lifestyles such as remaining single, couples living together casually, monogamous or open marriages and all variations of communal living based upon personal choice.

* Eliminating myths surrounding human sexuality from virginity to monogamous marriage.

* The concept of beauty is arbitrary and controlled by corporations that prey on women’s lack of self-esteem.

* Sexual pleasure and orgasm is the source of life and creativity. As we awaken our bodies through the senses, we awaken our minds to the knowledge that we are all related and connected to every living thing on planet Earth and throughout the vast universe.

Both men and women will learn volumes about women’s sexuality by reseraching their site.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Naughty Valentine’s Day

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

If you remember my Blog from last Valentine’s Day, you will know this is not my favorite time of year. It’s great if you are in a good relationship, but if your relationship is less than or doesn’t exist at all, hearing your girlfriends excitement about where they will be dining, what they’ll be wearing and what they’ll be getting only amplifies your own loneliness.

 

Well, this year I have decided to do something a little naughty. A very handsome and successful young man I know is coming into town. We’ll be meeting at one of Beverly Hill’s finest restaurants. He asked me, coyly, what I’d be wearing. I told him I had not brought anything back from holiday with me that is appropriate. He suggested he take me shopping and we’d pick out something nice together.

 

Well, that got the little passion cogs in my brain turning. I said to him, “Instead of shopping together, why don’t you go out and get me something you’d like to see me in? An outfit complete with sexy little underthings would be nice.” I then told him I’d meet him at the restaurant in a black trench coat and once seated at the table he could hand me the shopping bag. I’d then slip upstairs to the ladies’ room and put them on and come back down to our table where champagne would be waiting. We’d dine on succulent delicacies, sip champagne and who knows? Perhaps we’ll go back to the L’Ermitage Hotel and his room for dessert. 

 

A girl can dream, can’t she?

 

Valentine’s Day. What are you doing? Do you plan to be naughty or nice?

 

 The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Woman and Casual Sex

by Linda Franklin

When it comes to casual sex, are men and women really that different?  Most would argue that there is a huge difference. But, maybe there’s not.  Just maybe woman want sex as much as men do – however, they require different conditions for casual sex to be appealing.

Conservative values, and religion specifically has attempted to destroy sexual pleasure for both men and women – but it has come down hard on female pleasure. Women are whores if they are too sexual. Women are sluts if they explore their deepest sexual desires. These labels have become mental, emotional, and orgasmic prisons for many women – especially when it comes to “casual” sex.

For example, in a landmark study from the 1980’s, when random women were solicited by random men for casual sex – women turned the men down 100 percent of the time. Men on the other hand only turned down random solicitations by women 25 to 31 percent of the time. But, to be fair, the 1980’s were still the dark ages for female sexuality. It was believed that women were not naturally promiscuous. 

Psychologist Terri Conely explored this question in a groundbreaking 2011 study. She refined the question of casual sex for females by suggesting that a safe, physically attractive random lover had the potential to give her a positive sexual experience. Under these conditions, women were just as likely to accept sex with a random partner as were men.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women’s Attraction To Other Women

by Linda Franklin

Ok, hold onto your hats ladies, apparently as we get older, we become naturally bi-curious when it comes to sex.  I have to admit I never heard of the term bi-curious, but have always thought if all the taboos would disappear we are all bi-sexual by nature.  Some women I have talked to agree with that, others are not so sure. 

A study carried out by Boise State University found that out of a group of 484 heterosexual women, 60 per cent were sexually attracted to other women; 45 per cent had kissed a woman and 50 per cent had fantasies about the same sex.  

Elizabeth Morgan, a professor of psychology at the Idaho-based university, whose studies are focused on same-sex attractions among heterosexuals, said her findings revealed that straight women often feel more than a friendly affection for other women.

Other data suggests upwards of 20 per cent of women are attracted to other women. It’s claimed this could be linked to the natural affection women show towards one another when they socialize, from chatting on the phone for hours to snuggling during chick flicks.

It is said often that women’s friendships are barely distinguishable from romantic relationships. ‘Women are encouraged to be emotionally close to each other,’ said Prof. Morgan.

‘That provides an opportunity for intimacy and romantic feelings to develop.’ 

Contributing to the findings, Lisa Diamond, Ph.D. a psychologist at the University of Utah, followed a group of women attracted to other women over a 15 year period.   

Her data shows for the first time how sexuality develops over a lifetime. At each of the half dozen follow-up interviews, she asked each woman to label herself as lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual or unlabelled and share details about her love life.

The findings startled even her. Over time, each woman’s chosen labels changed repeatedly, with one noteworthy trend.

Ms Diamond said the older they got, the more likely they were to choose ‘unlabelled’ which meant the older they got, the more they felt their sexuality didn’t fit into tidy boxes.

She said: ‘We have this idea that sexuality gets clearer and more defined as time goes on. ‘We consider that a sign of maturity to figure out who you are. I’ve seen it’s really the opposite.’

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women More Adventurous In Bed

by Linda Franklin

Talking dirty and being sexually adventurous seems to come more naturally to women than men.

In a new survey, it turns out women are not only more experimental in bed, but were far more likely to talk dirty and share fantasies with their partners than men.

While most respondents – all of whom were in relationships – said that they enjoyed sex with the lights on, wearing sexy lingerie, having sex in different areas of the home and using lubricants, more women than men were willing to go further in the bedroom.

This is good to know because for far too long women have been made out to be the prudes who actually restrict their male partners.  That’s just not the case is it ladies?Being sexually adventurous is, perhaps unsurprisingly, linked to the sexual satisfaction of both partners – so much so that the more open-minded and repeatedly adventurous the couple, the longer the relationship lasted.

50 per cent of the survey’s respondents said that they watched porn as a couple.

In a previous survey I read, revealed that women are more bored in their relationships than men, despite being more sexually satisfied.

A quarter of those respondents – over half of whom were married – said that boredom in their relationship had led to infidelity, and nearly 60 per cent were keen to try something new to spice up their sex lives.

One thing both sexes agree upon is their shared enjoyment of orgasm – though simultaneous climaxes are far rarer than many a Hollywood movie may have some believing.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sexual Friendships Sans The Sex

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Sexual attraction is a powerful thing.  From the moment your eyes meet, you feel that undeniable spark. You tingle with excitement and immediately reconnect with how much you love that sexual energy rush. It's been too long since your body reacted in such a powerful way to another person.  But, then reality hits – you're married and are commited to remaining faithful.  So what do you do?

You wonder if it's possible to have ahighly charged flirtatious friendship with a work colleague, a neighbor or even a friend's spouse if it never extends beyond the bedroom door?  What if there was a way of sharing many of the things that make a romance exciting — flirting, positive reinforcement, compliments, desire — without messing it all up by leaping into bed together? 

Atheists Having More Fun In Bed

Atheists have far better sex lives than those who are religious. This is because they are not plagued with guilt during sex and for weeks afterwards. 

A study discovered that non-believers are more willing to discuss sexual fantasies and are more satisfied with the actual sexual experience.

Both groups of people admitted that they masturbated, watched pornography, had oral sex and had affairs. 

Female Orgasm – Two Pathways To Pleasure

The ability for a woman to orgasm is a delicious but mysterious thing.  Orgasms bring unbelievable pleasure but also a high degree of frustration. Now a study of the brain is helping scientists unlock the secrets of the female orgasm.

By using scanners to observe which parts of a woman’s brain become active when they are aroused, it appears there are at least two ‘pathways to pleasure’.