Menopause and Your Man – What Is He Feeling?

 

by Linda Franklin

 

Menopause is a time of profound change for women, both physically and emotionally. But what about the husbands and partners we share our lives with? How are the changes we are going through affecting them?

It’s a subject that touches millions, but is rarely spoken about. Until now. In her new book, Sex, Meaning and The Menopause, psychotherapist Sue Brayne persuaded a group of men, all married to women who were going, or had gone, through menopause, to open up about their experiences.

Their stories show how menopause can cut right to the heart of a man’s sense of masculinity.

Women have each other to talk to or pick up the pieces when our worlds fall apart. But men don’t have that innate capacity. They may mumble to their friends about something that’s bothering them, but it’s rarely an open or honest conversation.

Most of the men featured in the book had never spoken about these things to anyone, but they were desperate for an outlet for their fears.

As one husband said, “its personal to talk like this, but I feel a sense of relief that I’ve been able to put it into words.”

One husband, 67, confessed he had an affair when his wife was going through menopause 13 years ago. While the father of four ended his transgression long ago, the emotion is still raw. ‘I don’t know if she was in denial about what she was experiencing, but it ended up with me shying away from speaking to her about anything to do with intimacy.

‘Only now can I see what a monumental change she went through. She moved from the role of wife, mother and lover to this matriarchal authority figure. That was a real challenge for me. Being married to a post-menopausal woman makes you face your own aging process. At the time, I didn’t understand any of this, so I reacted by falling in love with a much younger woman. And, then, of course, the damage is done.”

This might be an extreme example of the havoc the menopause can wreak, but I’m sure there are many men who will empathise with those who confessed they suddenly found their menopausal wives to be almost impossible to live with.

Some husbands found the change so dramatic they compared it to their wives undergoing a personality transplant. “I have no problem with my wife’s body or the fact she’s aging. So am I. In fact, I love the way she looks. She’s still a beautiful woman to me. But I get confused when she wants to get close to me because in the past this always led to sex, but now she rarely wants to make love.”

“I started to feel marginalized, especially when we ended up in separate bedrooms. I was servicing the family financially, eating with them and driving them around, but without having a relationship with my wife. It made me feel lonely, sad and angry.”

In the past ten years, divorces among the over-50s have triped, with the majority being filed by women

It’s clear that ignorance and confusion add to the problems couples suffer when a woman goes through  menopause. It’s so important to give men a chance to speak up — some women might be astonished to learn what they really think.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Finding Love Again

by Linda Franklin -

Lisa spent 15 years alone after her husband died and thought she would never have sex again. Then, at age 71, she met a wonderful partner and has fallen madly in love again. She should be thrilled right?  She is - but the rest of the world seems less happy.

Both Lisa and her guy both have children who are having problems with their parents intimacy.  They roll their eyes when they kiss, and when Lisa tries to talk to her daughter about her new love she says she ‘can’t cope’.

Why are people so hostile to older lovers? 

We’re told ‘all the world loves a lover’, but that doesn’t ring true if the courting couples are 60-plus and don’t restrict their PDAs (public displays of affection) to holding hands.

There’s a misconceived cultural prejudice which leads some people to think older people who have sex are behaving inappropriately.

It’s difficult for a chid of any age to accept their mother being physically familiar.

Paul McCartney’s offspring weren’t exactly delighted by his puppyish displays of attraction (in the early days of the courtship) to Heather Mills — they felt it was disrespectful to Linda McCartney’s memory. His new bride, Nancy Shevell, has been far more diplomatic and has won the family’s approval.

Lisa’s daughter reluctance to discuss your partner is, on the face of things, unfair, but not unusual. She wants you to be her mother, not a girlfriend and confidante. 

If you’re lucky enough to find love, celebrate it; the point about growing older is you finally have the confidence to make bold choices.

Just remember in your bliss to be sensitive about the fact your families need time to adjust to the new landscape. When they have, I am sure they will share your joy.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women More Adventurous In Bed

by Linda Franklin

Talking dirty and being sexually adventurous seems to come more naturally to women than men.

In a new survey, it turns out women are not only more experimental in bed, but were far more likely to talk dirty and share fantasies with their partners than men.

While most respondents – all of whom were in relationships – said that they enjoyed sex with the lights on, wearing sexy lingerie, having sex in different areas of the home and using lubricants, more women than men were willing to go further in the bedroom.

This is good to know because for far too long women have been made out to be the prudes who actually restrict their male partners.  That’s just not the case is it ladies?Being sexually adventurous is, perhaps unsurprisingly, linked to the sexual satisfaction of both partners – so much so that the more open-minded and repeatedly adventurous the couple, the longer the relationship lasted.

50 per cent of the survey’s respondents said that they watched porn as a couple.

In a previous survey I read, revealed that women are more bored in their relationships than men, despite being more sexually satisfied.

A quarter of those respondents – over half of whom were married – said that boredom in their relationship had led to infidelity, and nearly 60 per cent were keen to try something new to spice up their sex lives.

One thing both sexes agree upon is their shared enjoyment of orgasm – though simultaneous climaxes are far rarer than many a Hollywood movie may have some believing.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Female Orgasm – Many Paths To Pleasure

by Linda Franklin

Women definitely have the advantage over men when it comes to sexuality because we can experience not only multiple orgasms, but can even reach orgasm through different stimulation in different areas.  There are women who can reach orgasm having their breasts and nipples stimulated, some from certain areas on their thighs or knees, some from their elbows, their hips and buttocks, and still others from their back, neck, or scalp.  As you can see, when it comes to a woman’s orgasm, there can be a very wide range of possibilities.

Most commonly, however, women reach orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris. Again, there are choices.  Stimulation can range anywhere from a tongue during oral sex, to fingers in foreplay or masturbation, a vibrator, or a steady stream of water.  So many paths to pleasure.

There are many women who can reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation, but don’t think they are normal because they can’t have an orgasm with penetration.  Those women too often feel there is something wrong with them because, unless they can find a position where they can rub their clitoris against their partner’s body, they can’t reach orgasm.  And there are plenty of men too, it seems, that want to know what is wrong.  Why isn’t there partner having an orgasm when they have intercourse?  Is there something wrong with her?  Is there something he is doing wrong, or something different he needs to do?  The reality is, there is nothing wrong and she is probably perfectly normal.

Only about 30% of women can reach orgasm with intercourse or penetration alone.  When these women are reaching orgasm from penetration, it is usually due to rhythmic stimulation of their cervix, found at the top of the vagina.   Many women describe this orgasm as happening “on the inside,” as opposed to the orgasm they get from stimulating the clitoris, which they feel more “on the outside.”  So that leaves approximately 70% of women that cannot have orgasm with simple intercourse or penetration.  These women are the norm, not the other way around.  I repeat, only having orgasms from stimulation of the clitoris is normal and is the most common scenario.

Orgasm should never be a mission and sex should focus most on pleasure and closeness.  With that said, it is not unreasonable to suggest that a woman receive plenty of oral or manual stimulation before, during, or after intercourse so that she has maximal opportunity to have an orgasm (or two or three).

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Bad Sex – Is It A Deal Breaker?

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

 

You met this great guy. You have been have dated five or six times and are thinking this could be the start of something big.  But, then your marvelous fantasy is abruptly derailed.  The spark you thought was there fizzled in the bedroom.  So what do you do – send him packing?

Yes, bad sex can be a totally legit reason to break up. The idea that the quality of sex within an otherwise good relationship is “trivial” was invented by people who are not having good sex.  Do you really want to listen to them?  I don’t think so.

Sex Dropping In Popularity With Young Women

by Linda Franklin

Just when we thought today’s woman had thrown away all the old taboos about sex, one of our leading feminist’s Erica Jong says no.

Erica believes today’s young women are less interested in sex than those of the previous generation.  In a new article, Jong, explained that where her peers aspired to sexual freedom, her daughter’s has a conservative, almost Fifties sensibility, sparking a ‘backlash against sex’.

The Fear of Flying author wrote in the New York Times: ”Just as the watchword of my generation was freedom, that of my daughter’s generation seems to be control.

‘Is this just the predictable swing of the pendulum or a new passion for order in an ever more chaotic world? A little of both. We idealized open marriage; our daughters are back to idealizing monogamy.’

Ms Jong revealed that the difference between the generations became clear to her while editing a new anthology of women’s sexual writing.

She said that the older contributors to Sugar In My Bowl were more raunchy, while the younger generation’s approach to sex was more closely linked to motherhood and marriage.

She explained that there were several factors contributing to the trend, one simply being that daughters will always rebel against choices made by their mothers. 

Ms Jong’s own daughter, Molly Jong-Fast, once wrote an essay titled: ‘They Had Sex So I Didn’t Have To’ but she also blamed the internet, which she believes appeals to the younger generation because it is a tool they can control. The Internet obliges by offering simulated sex without intimacy, without identity and without fear of infection”.  Not only did the sixties generation fail to corrupt our daughters, but we gave them a sterile way to have sex, electronically.

Jong says, women’s health care is considered expendable in budgetary negotiations… How far will we go in destroying women’s equality before a new generation of feminists wakes up?’  Good question. I hope it doesn’t take too long.

Since Ms Jong’s article was published this weekend, she has sparked a blacklash.

A response on Feministing.com, read: ‘Contrary to being a clinical rejection of passion, the internet is often a wild west of sexual exploration and expression, and young feminists are very often at the helm.’

Erin Gloria Ryan of Jezebel added: ‘I’ve not yet met one woman in my age group who has divulged to me her extreme preference for internet porn and sexy texting, to the point that she’s chosen to fore go real sex.’

And according to Rosie Gray of the Village Voice, sex is certainly not passe. 

Well, this Real Cougar Woman certainly hopes not.  What a major step backward for women that would be. 

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.