Menopause and Your Man – What Is He Feeling?

 

by Linda Franklin

 

Menopause and Your Man - What Is He Feeling?  Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanMenopause is a time of profound change for women, both physically and emotionally. But what about the husbands and partners we share our lives with? How are the changes we are going through affecting them?

It’s a subject that touches millions, but is rarely spoken about. Until now. In her new book, Sex, Meaning and The Menopause, psychotherapist Sue Brayne persuaded a group of men, all married to women who were going, or had gone, through menopause, to open up about their experiences.

Their stories show how menopause can cut right to the heart of a man’s sense of masculinity.

Women have each other to talk to or pick up the pieces when our worlds fall apart. But men don’t have that innate capacity. They may mumble to their friends about something that’s bothering them, but it’s rarely an open or honest conversation.

Most of the men featured in the book had never spoken about these things to anyone, but they were desperate for an outlet for their fears.

As one husband said, “its personal to talk like this, but I feel a sense of relief that I’ve been able to put it into words.”

One husband, 67, confessed he had an affair when his wife was going through menopause 13 years ago. While the father of four ended his transgression long ago, the emotion is still raw. ‘I don’t know if she was in denial about what she was experiencing, but it ended up with me shying away from speaking to her about anything to do with intimacy.

‘Only now can I see what a monumental change she went through. She moved from the role of wife, mother and lover to this matriarchal authority figure. That was a real challenge for me. Being married to a post-menopausal woman makes you face your own aging process. At the time, I didn’t understand any of this, so I reacted by falling in love with a much younger woman. And, then, of course, the damage is done.”

This might be an extreme example of the havoc the menopause can wreak, but I’m sure there are many men who will empathise with those who confessed they suddenly found their menopausal wives to be almost impossible to live with.

Some husbands found the change so dramatic they compared it to their wives undergoing a personality transplant. “I have no problem with my wife’s body or the fact she’s aging. So am I. In fact, I love the way she looks. She’s still a beautiful woman to me. But I get confused when she wants to get close to me because in the past this always led to sex, but now she rarely wants to make love.”

“I started to feel marginalized, especially when we ended up in separate bedrooms. I was servicing the family financially, eating with them and driving them around, but without having a relationship with my wife. It made me feel lonely, sad and angry.”

In the past ten years, divorces among the over-50s have triped, with the majority being filed by women

It’s clear that ignorance and confusion add to the problems couples suffer when a woman goes through  menopause. It’s so important to give men a chance to speak up — some women might be astonished to learn what they really think.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women More Adventurous In Bed

by Linda Franklin

Women More Adventurous In Bed by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanTalking dirty and being sexually adventurous seems to come more naturally to women than men.

In a new survey, it turns out women are not only more experimental in bed, but were far more likely to talk dirty and share fantasies with their partners than men.

While most respondents – all of whom were in relationships – said that they enjoyed sex with the lights on, wearing sexy lingerie, having sex in different areas of the home and using lubricants, more women than men were willing to go further in the bedroom.

This is good to know because for far too long women have been made out to be the prudes who actually restrict their male partners.  That’s just not the case is it ladies?Being sexually adventurous is, perhaps unsurprisingly, linked to the sexual satisfaction of both partners – so much so that the more open-minded and repeatedly adventurous the couple, the longer the relationship lasted.

50 per cent of the survey’s respondents said that they watched porn as a couple.

In a previous survey I read, revealed that women are more bored in their relationships than men, despite being more sexually satisfied.

A quarter of those respondents – over half of whom were married – said that boredom in their relationship had led to infidelity, and nearly 60 per cent were keen to try something new to spice up their sex lives.
One thing both sexes agree upon is their shared enjoyment of orgasm – though simultaneous climaxes are far rarer than many a Hollywood movie may have some believing.
 
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sex and Yoga – Perfect Partners

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Yoga You are drenched in sweat and your heart is racing.  You've just completed 50 minutes of contorting your body is ways you never thought you could.  Now as you lay quietly you notice you fee happy, energized and inspired.  So what made you feel that way?  Was it yoga or was it sex?  Or was it both?

Sex and yoga are a match made in heaven. Both use the body to calm the mind and stimulate the spirit. And just as a fulfilling yoga practice is based on physical agility, mental clarity, and spiritual openness, every successful sexual union relies on a similar set of artfully orchestrated characteristics. When you bring increased awareness and sensitivity into each sexual experience it does enhance your pleasure.

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Sex Is Better Than Any Pill

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Sex is better than any pill by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman Sex is one of our biggest preoccupations, and so it’s natural that it would be the subject of a slew of research projects. Scientists at Rutgers University, are using scans to monitor women’s brains during orgasm and are coming up with some interesting factoids.  

Two minutes before orgasm the brain’s reward centers become active. These are the same areas that are activated when we’re eating and drinking. Then, immediately before we climax,other areas of the brain – the ones that receive ‘touch’ messages from the body - are activated.

The final part of the brain to be activated is the ‘control’ part which regulates temperature, hunger, thirst and tiredness.  So, having sex at the end of the day, has many stress-relieving benefits, especially for men.  Having a powerful orgasm is equal to having a 2-3mg shot of Valium.  Now you know why they have sex and then immediately turn over and start to snore.

What else happens to a woman’s brain when she slips between the sheets?  Is sex mind altering?  The answer is yes. 

The oxytocin, released during sex lowers our defences so we become more trusting. It’s also the key to bonding, because it increases our levels of empathy. Women produce more oxytocin than men and that’s why we are more likely to let down our guard and fall in love with a man after sex. Unfortunately, our body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material — oxytocin is released either way. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.   

Men, on the other hand, don’t get that same surge of bonding hormone, they get a surge of pure pleasure. That’s because the main hormone released for them during sex is dopamine – the pleasure hormone. For women especially – the mind plays a major role in achieving orgasm. The key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.  

 
Regular sex – are you ready for this – may actually help us grow new brains cells too.  That’s what researchers at Princeton are finding. So does that mean the more sex you have the smarter you get??? Factors such as stress and depression have been shown to shrink the hippocampus, yet exercise and sex counteract this effect.
 
The benefits of sex are numerous to list on a blog posting, but I’ll leave you with this.  Our lips have 100 times

more nerve endings than our fingertips.  So, if you kiss a lot before intercourse, the sex will be much better.   

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Bad Sex – Is It A Deal Breaker?

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman
 
Bad Sex - Is It A DealBreaker? by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman You met this great guy. You have been have dated five or six times and are thinking this could be the start of something big.  But, then your marvelous fantasy is abruptly derailed.  The spark you thought was there fizzled in the bedroom.  So what do you do – send him packing?

Yes, bad sex can be a totally legit reason to break up. The idea that the quality of sex within an otherwise good relationship is “trivial” was invented by people who are not having good sex.  Do you really want to listen to them?  I don’t think so.

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Cancer Survivors Dating Site Attracts Thousands

Cancer survivor website by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Having survived stage 4 cervical cancer, Laura Brashier knows she is lucky to be alive. But when the twice-divorced hair stylist, from Rancho Santa Margarita, California, tried to start dating again, it proved more difficult than she ever imagined.

Ms Brashier, then 37, found the aggressive radiation and surgery that beat the disease had left her body so damaged that intercourse was impossible.

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Sex Has No Expiration Date

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman

Sex Has No Expiration Date by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanWhen it comes to sex, there’s no such thing as as expiration date.  Sex is proven to be a good way to stay healthy,but it seems to have an extra special benefit in August.  Researchers from Boston State Hospital have found that summer sun at least doubles levels of the sex hormone testosterone.  So now have more fun in the sun takes on an entirely new meaning. 

There are so many benefits of having sex on a regular basis and here are just a few that you may not be aware of. 

Sex 3X a week halves the risk of heart attack or stroke – A study in Israel found that women who had two orgasms a week were up to 30 per cent less likely to have heart disease than those who didn’t enjoy sex or didn’t orgasm. ‘The endorphins released during sex also neutralize the stress hormones in the body, which are linked to heart disease.

Just a word of caution however -  if you’re over 50, overweight and unfit, there is a risk to your heart — just as there would be if you suddenly and vigorously took up any form of exercise.

Sex Strenthens Your Bones - Menopausal women who have sex every week have estrogen levels twice as high as their abstaining counterparts. Estrogen protectsbone health and losing it after menopause has been linked with osteoporosis.

Sex Helps You Quit Smoking – Here’s a simple way to get your man to kick his smoking habit — remind him that it causes the penis to shrink and can cause impotence. Erections are all about good blood flow, and lighting up worsens blood flow to the spongy tissues in the penis. As a result, it is starved of oxygen and become fibrotic — forming scar tissue — which is less elastic and less able to expand during an erection than regular healthy tissue.’  Smoking is also a known cause of erectile dysfunction as it causes hardening of the arteries and hampers good blood flow.

Sex Is A Natural Sedative – For a man, a powerful orgasm is the equivalent of having a 2-3mg shot of diazepam (or Valium).  It works as a muscle relaxant which is why so many men nod off after finishing — there really is a biological reason.  The endorphins released during sex can really help treat depression and clear the mind.\

Sex Guards Against Incontinence -  If a woman is active during sex, it’s a good workout for her pelvic floor muscles. The muscles that stem the flow of urine, reducing leakage and incontinence, all benefit and this reduces the risk of stress incontinence and prolapse later in life. After having children many women don’t have the time to do dedicated pelvic floor exercises, so sex provides this natural workout.

Sex doesn’t come with an expirtation date.  There are people in their 80′s having sex on a regular basis.  Look at sex as the most fun workout ever. Just lay back and enjoy the benefits.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.