Open Relationships – Can They Ever Work Out?

by Linda Franklin 

The secret to having an intimate  relationship isn’t bringing more people into our lives. It’s learning how to stop the destructive patterns that tear us apart and make it seemingly impossible to reconnect.  There is no action more devastating in relationships than an affair with another person. In fact, that action always communicates to our partner that they don’t matter and that they’re not important. That’s the reason infidelity creates a pain like no other. Even if the wayward party still cares for their partner, it won’t feel that way to the one who was been betrayed.

Author Holly Hill says she’s done with open relationships. Once an advocate, her experiment with open relationships has now brought her to a place of monogamy. What seems to make logical sense doesn’t always work out as expected.  She began her experiment after a breakup with a married man and determined to find out what went wrong. She concluded that men were hardwired to need sex with more than one person. She believed that we were not made to have monogamous relationships. 

While her theory was interesting, it also goes against the reality of human history. If that were the case, wouldn’t marriage as an exclusive relationship have disappeared long ago?  Instead, history reveals a need for someone special in our lives.  In fact, the need for relationship is so strong that the worst punishment you can give another is solitary confinement. We will eventually go insane if separated from meaningful relationships.  

Ms. Hill has courage. After running her experiment, she admitted that her conclusions were incorrect.  Having an open relationship didn’t work. Instead, it made her feel paranoid and made her partner feel emasculated.  Far too often we have a tendency to blame the people we’re with rather than exploring whether our beliefs are correct.  Rarely is our problem other people; instead it’s about how we see life. 

The need for human attachment is apparent as early as infancy. We are hardwired for connection. If a parent walks out of the room of a toddler, that child experiences a primal panic, and the child begins throwing a fit to get the parent to come back. They want that connection.  Adults are no different. If our partner does anything that leads us to believe they don’t care for us and that we don’t matter to them (like a tone of voice) we experience the same distress of disconnection and we react in much the same way. The simple fact that we strive so hard and for so long to work things out with another is proof that we need those primary relationships. 

The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the hill; the grass is greener where you water it.  If you’ve been running your own hypothesis that open relationships work, then at least have the same integrity as Ms. Hill and evaluate to see if it’s really working. If it is not, come take the Affair Analyzer at affairrecovery.com and we will help you discover why. We can help you find another path.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Embracing Who and Where You Are Today

By Linda Franklin

 

If you are a woman who has worked hard to achieve success, you probably will become deeply frustrated when you discover you can no longer satisfy your desires as quickly as you might like. It feels like you are stuck and don’t appreciate that these delays may be laying the foundation for future accomplishments that you have not yet conceived. Or the universe may have plans for you that differ from the worldly aspirations you have pursued up until this point.

Clearly, our self-created timetable and the timetable the universe has set up for us are on two different tracks. However, every person fulfills their purpose when the time is right.

When delays in our progress kindle pangs of disappointment or the pace of life seems overwhelming, peace can be found in the simple fact that we are exactly where we need to be at this moment.

Allow yourself to embrace a postponement of progress as an auspicious opportunity to prepare for what is yet to come. If, however, you feel as though the universe is pushing you forward at too fast a clip, you may be unwittingly resisting your destiny.

Your unease regarding the speed of your progress could be a sign that you need to cultivate awareness within yourself and learn to move with the flow of fate rather than against it. The universe puts nothing in your path that you are incapable of handling, so you can rest assured that you are ready to grow into your new situation.

You may feel compelled to judge your personal success using your age, your professional position, your level of education, or the accomplishments of your peers as a yardstick. Yet we all enjoy the major milestones in our lives at the appropriate time; some realize their dreams as youngsters while others flourish only in old age. If you take pride in your many accomplishments and make the most of every circumstance in which you find yourself, your time will come.

Words of wisdom from Daily Om. 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Body Image and Sexual Satisfaction

21 Sep 2011 | 10:06 am

By Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Body Image

How you perceive your own body plays an important part in achieving sexual satisfaction.  If you don’t feel good about your body how can you feel sexy?   If you don’t feel sexy how can you enjoy sex?

I know women who are have the most amazing sex lives and they do not have great bodies. They are making a conscious choice not to focus on their flaws.  The  stretch marks, the flabby belly, and the wing bat arms, are not going to interfere with their sexual enjoyment.     

Loving acceptance of who you are is a process that can begin with re-focusing on small things that you like about yourself.  The key is turning down the volume on your own self judgments.   It’s these negative, critical voices playing in your head, that stifle pleasure of any kind.  And, in the bedroom, that are particularly deadly.  

Women have to be less concerned about what they imagine their sexual partners are thinking and more about how they want to feel. 

 Believe me, men are not half as critical about your body as you are.  Most of them care far less about how their partner looks and much more about creating an intimate connection.It’s not easy for women to overcome the strong societal forces telling us to look and act a certain way. However, we have to make that a priority – our happiness depends on it. 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Stress At Work Might Be Killing You

by Linda Franklin

Most of us spend at least 15% of our lifetime working in an office.  So, it makes sense that how you spend that time, will have a profound effect on your health. If you experience chronic levels of stress – and isn’t that what happens in most workplaces, the risk of contracting a long list of ailments is dramatically increased.  In fact, work-related stress is the most important single variable in determing the length of our lives.

It’s not that genes and risk factors don’t matter it’s that levels of stress matter more.

A new study conducted by Arie Shirom at Tel Aviv University, which examined the impact of the workplace on the health of 820 individuals for 20 years, showed that the factor most closely linked to health was the support of co-workers.  Less kind colleagues were associated with a higher risk of dying.

Something else was found to be deadly - a lack of control at the office, but only for men. Women faced a greater risk of mortaility when they were put in positions with more control.  This could be because high-powered women have “more life responsibilities than men”. And those who are working mothers have added pressures trying to maintain work-life balance.

You don’t need me to remind you that stress has no redeeming features.  It makes perfect sense to do whatever you can to chill out.  Life is just too precious and too short not to be kind to yourself.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women’s Guilt Is Undeniable – It’s Time To Free Ourselves

Women’s guilt is undeniable   We are always apologizing and feeling bad about something. Here’s a statistic that might surprise you – or maybe it won’t.  Apparently, ninety six percent of women feel guility at least once a day and sometimes as much as four times a day.  If you skipped the gym today, which I did, or you forgot to call your mother, you are probably feeling guilty right now.

Dubbed the GAT (guilty all the time) generation, the study found women beat themselves up daily about their friendships, relationships, work and body shape. It also discovered that almost half of the women interviewed were kept awake at night by guilt.

Author, Erica Jong said: ‘Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I will show you a man’.

So what topped the list of things that make us feel guilty?

 Eating the wrong foods, followed by not spending enough time with family and neglecting work.  OMG what demon do we possess that drives us to always feel bad about something.  Susan Carrell, author of Escaping Toxic Guilt, said: ‘Women feel guilt when they don’t think they are being good enough in their various roles – especially as wife, mother and daughter. ‘That’s because familial, cultural and religious tenets teach women that being “good” is the most important thing. ‘When a woman feels she is not putting another first, she quickly feels like she’s doing something bad, then guilt rushes in.’

Men are completely different animals. They tend to externalise faults. If they fail an exam it’s because “the room was too hot” while women are more likely to internalise faults and would be more likely to admit to feeling guilty because “I am stupid”’.

Guilt is useless, I think you would agree, so let’s make a pact to rid ourselves of that energy sucking demon. To break a nasty habit, like guilt, we have to replace it with a better choice.  How about pride?  Instead of beating ourselves up when things aren’t perfect, give ourselves a big hug for making the effort or taking the risk.  Let’s give ourselves permission to be human.

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The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest