Ashton & Demi Splitting? Say It Isn’t So

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are, or should I say were, the model Cougar couple. Now rumors are flying about Ashton’s fling with another woman on his sixth anniversary. How tacky is that?

Neither one, both prolific Tweeters, have sent out any comment about the rumor to their combined 12 million followers.

As you might imagine, I’m rooting for Ashton and Demi. And, yes, it’s because of their 16-year age difference. I still don’t understand why it’s okay for older men to be with younger woman but not the other way around?

Are cougar relationships tough? Of course they are, but you tell me what relationship isn’t. Just read yesterday’s blog posting – Marriage – The Ultimate Endurance Test.  Maturity plays a big part if making it work. We know it’s not all about passion and fun.

Let’s face it, cheating isn’t confined to “cougar relationships.” Nor are those relationships doomed to fail. I talk to hundreds of Real Cougars who are with men 16 years younger and are happy as clams.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Erotic Capital Is A Learned Skill

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Take a look around your friends and colleagues. Chances are the ones you consider most attractive possess not only beauty, but intelligence, charm and that special je ne sais quoi. People fall over themselves to help them.

It may not be fair, but it’s definitely a big plus to have been born good-looking.  The good news, however, is that attractiveness can be learned; it’s a skill like any other that requires some effort.

At the heart of true attractiveness is what Catherine Hakem calls “erotic capital”. In her new book  The Power Of Erotic Capital  she says, “It’s an asset that’s been ignored in the stampede to analize people’s economic capital (what you earn and possess), social capital (who you know) and human capital (what you know)”.

Erotic capital is a blend of beauty, sex appeal, liveliness, charm, social skills, sexual competence and talent for dressing well. In other words, it’s a crucial mixture of physical and social attractiveness.

Think of someone like Madonna. She’s not the most conventionally beautiful woman,  but she has transformed herself into probably one of the most famous woman in the world, certainly one of the most compelling and successful.

It’s true that the naturally beautiful are more likely to have erotic capital because they get a head start in the cradle. As babies and small children, they’re treated more warmly. Even professional nannies perceive six-month-old babies differently according to how attractive they are. And among their peers, good-looking children are often the most popular.

All this positive attention has lasting effects on the personalities of children, speeding up their intellectual and social development.

Does this mean all average-looking women should immediately start saving up for cosmetic surgery? After all, at least one psychotherapist suggests that reshaping the features of unattractive people may be more likely to make them feel better than years of therapy. 

But there is no need to consider going to extremes. The French, for instance, have always recognized that a woman can make herself extremely attractive by the way she presents herself.  And anyone can learn social etiquette, good manners, color.  Try to smile more often — when you smile the world smiles back.

Some feminists argue that it should be against the law for employers to judge a woman by her appearance.. So it’s not surprising that many young women regard feminism as irrelevant. The steady growth in sales of cosmetics, fashions and cosmetic surgery suggests that rising affluence and everyday reality are more influential than any feminist rhetoric.  I guess they will have to learn by life experience that true beauty comes from the inside.

Consciously or unconsciously, everyone’s affected by looks. That’s why possessing erotic capital gives you an average earnings mark-up of 15 to 20 per cent, according to experts. It also makes it more likely that you’ll land the job in the first place.

It does not, by the way, mean women should immediately start baring their cleavage at work.Your erotic capital includes your skill at presenting yourself — and that includes adopting dress styles that are appropriate for the venue or occasion.

The great thing about erotic capital is that anyone can develop it.   Do you agree?

Beauty Offers Real Cougars Can’t Refuse

Beauty is an expensive business but thanks to the rise of social coupon Web sites such as Groupon and LivingSocial, Real Cougars are able to bargain-hunt for goods and services that were once rarely, if ever, discounted. Recent sales include an oxygen facial at Bliss Spa in South Beach for $112 (30 percent off) on Gilt City and two 60-minute massages at Balanced Health in Boston for $95 (53 percent off) on LivingSocial.

Users of Lifebooker, meanwhile, can book health and beauty services at discounted rates at off hours any day of the week, and take advantage of daily promotions, which the company calls “loot.” A Brazilian blowout at Gavert Atelier in Los Angeles for $129 (68 percent off) was a recent offer. Membership on all these sites is free.

Sexual Satisfaction and How Real Cougars Are Getting Back Their Sizzle

We hear it all the time -  sex has lost it's sizzle. In fact, loss of sexual desire has reached reached epidemic proportions in this country.  That's why Mary and I recently sponsored a symposium inviting health editors of leading consumer publications  to hear the latest findings released by internationally recognized sexual health, wellness and relationship experts.  Their cutting-edge research revealed some interesting reasons why Americans are experiencing, what Dr.Mehmet Oz has identified as a “sexual famine”.  

Dr. Susan Kellogg, internationally recognized sex and wellness authority, explored the neurochemistry behind sexual response.   According to Kellogg, new experiences in which we engage in with partners (including activities that may be new or induce excitement or a sense of quasi-danger) can help to activate chemicals in the brain….notably dopamine and norepineprine.  The result is that couples feel more romantically exhilarated. Another chemical..oxytocin…generally released upon sexual stimulation and orgasm….can heighten romantic and sexual response, too.

In the most recent national sex study published released in September, the truth about women and orgasms was revealed.   Men’s perceptions of women reaching orgasm did not match reality.  Women were having fewer orgasms than men imagined.

Real Cougars Hate Being Called Ma’am

Real Cougars those fabulous women over 40, hate being called ma'am and they are not alone.  Women of all ages hate it equally as much.  Last week I spoke with a 28-year old who just got her first dose of being called ma'am and she was devastated. I know it's supposed to be a respectful way to address a woman but why use it's so objectionable to the recipient?

Classes are now underway at Penn State University, and Judith Kroll, a professor of psychology, linguistics and women’s studies, will soon be greeting her undergraduate students with the usual brief spiel. “I get up and say, you can call me Dr. Kroll, or professor, or Judith if you like, but do not call me Mrs.,” she said. “I am not Mrs. Kroll. I kept my name when I got married and my husband kept his name.”

There is one other honorific that Dr. Kroll dislikes and that she dearly wishes she could bar from the classroom: ma’am. Whenever a student says, “Yes ma’am” or “Is that going to be on the test, ma’am?” Dr. Kroll says she cringes and feels weird. Yet because ma’am, unlike Mrs., isn’t factually incorrect, Dr. Kroll resists the urge to scold. “My first take has got to be, this person is just trying to be polite,” she sighed.

In Saturday's New York TImes, Pultizer winner Natalie Angier wrote a great article called "The Politics of Polite"  and if you hate being called ma'am I suggest you read it. 

Natalie reminds us that the message of respect is lost on many real-life powerful women, like Senator Barbara Boxer, who told a brigadier general to refer to her as “senator” rather than “ma’am” at a hearing last year. “I worked so hard to get that title,” she said, “so I’d appreciate it, yes, thank you.”

I hate the term so much I called by book Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am and women all over the world have chimed in to back me up.  So far, I have not come up with a term that more accurately portrays all of fabulous females, but I'm working on it. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

Naked Love – Embracing Your Body

Just the thought of standing naked in front of a mirror sends shock waves down the spines of most Real Cougars  – especially those of us who have seen the other side of 45.  Even though we have created so much to be proud of, when it comes to our own bodies, we see ourselves as failures.  I wonder if there was ever a time that we embraced the magnificence of our own bodies?  It's hard, I know - the perpetual stream of idealised beauty has definetely distorted our view of what we should look like. 

I am a size 10 but have always thought of myself as heavy.  That's crazy isn't it?  I go the gym twice a week week and try to eat healthy, but my body still has it's fair share of jiggly parts.  I would love the sculpted arms, the endless legs and the flat tummies of the women I see in the gym locker room, but that's not a realistic dream. Being healthy is.  

It's interesting to see that those gorgeous toned women I see and talk to, are walking around with an amazing lack of self confidence.  So what's with that?  Are we never good enough?  Is there something in our DNA that makes all of us so self-critical?

Loving our bodies is a challenge but it can be done. Start by knowing, really knowing, that there's so much more to being womanly and sexy than wobble-free thighs or a washboard stomach.  Being womanly has an allure all its own.  When you start believing that – whatever your shape or size - you will start to feel happy in your own skin.  And, believe me when I tell you, that confidence is far sexier and attractive than those so-called-ideals of perfection.

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The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,"there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are posssible". Linda's book, Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest

 

Sex And Lots Of It Is The Best Medicine

Fantastic News!  It's time to throw out your prescription meds.  Science is proving that a  good old-fashioned roll in the hay is the best way to cure all of your ills.

There are at least 25 health related problems, from the common cold to high blood pressure, that can be helped by lots of hot and heavy sex. Here's the short version of the list.  To find out all of them  head over to Nerds Do It Better. 

Depression:  Without the help of researchers, just about anyone can agree that sex will make you feel good about yourself and just a bit more confident. But one researcher has said there’s a scientific explanation that goes a bit farther. Professor Gordon Gallop says that there’s an unknown chemical in semen that has an antidepressant effect on women.

Headaches:: Although sex can sometimes bring on a headache, it can cure them too. The tension release your body experiences during and after sex can ease restricted blood vessels in the brain.

Arthritis:: In his book, “How to Treat Arthritis with Sex and Alcohol,” rheumatologist Carter V. Multz asserts that sex, as well as alcohol and other complementary treatments, can reduce pain, swelling, and inflammation associated with arthritis.

Common Cold: Manfred Schedlovski, a Swiss researcher from Zurich, asserts that sex has a positive effect on phagocytes, which are a part of the immune system that goes after alien bodies, like cold germs, and kills them. Phagocytes are increased signficantly during sex, and will often double after orgasm.

Weak Bones and Muscles: Sex brings on a boost of testosterone, which helps to make your bones and muscles strong.

Before you pooh-pooh this theory, I highly suggest you go test drive it for yourself.

Real Cougars OK Telling The Occasional White Lie

We all do it, often without even thinking about it, and sometimes several times a day. But new thinkers are trying to persuade us that telling lies – even little white ones – is bad for us.

According to psychotherapist Brad Blanton, pioneer of the 'radical honesty movement', telling the truth is the essential foundation for psychological health. Lies, he believes, leave us with an 'emotional stain'. So, instead of hiding the truth, we should concentrate on expressing every underlying thought and emotion. Yikes, that's a scary thought isn't it? 

How realistic is it to think we can live a life of uncompromising truthfulness?  In my opinion, not very.  And, honestly, what is more detrimental telling the occasional white lie or blurting out absolutely everything that's on our minds?   

I know that in certain situations I will tell a white lie. Sometimes, it's to protect the feelings of someone I care about, while other times it's to protect me.  The truth can be a harsh mistress and we have to know when it's in our best interest to let her have her say.

I don't advocate lying.  Real Cougars know they have to be honest, especially with themselves.  But, on the other hand, none of us are perfect.  So, don't beat yourself up when you hear words come out of your mouth that don't totally ring true.

Cougar Women Are Definetely Not A Myth

What??? Cougar Women don't really exist?  All of you fabulous females reading this better pinch yourselves to make sure you're real, because according to researchers in Australia The Cougar Phenomenon is a lie.

A study of 22,400 singles from all over the world listed on popular dating websites found a "consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men." However, there was "copious evidence revealing a distinctive preference by men for youthful women." 

Lead researcher Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute told the Australian Associated Press: "Yes I do believe the cougar phenomenon is a myth and, yes, [it is] a media construct." He added that "a clear beneficiary [of this myth] would be the 'cougar' or 'toy-boy' dating agencies." The fantasy of the older woman who seeks out younger men is simply "in no way reflective of the desires evident in the general population."

How ridiculous is that?  I have been talking to thousands of cougar women for over three years now and I can assure you they are not only real but they are thriving.  The older woman, younger man relationship is not a trend – i'ts here to stay.  I can't go anywhere without finding women who are are in serious relationships with younger men.  And, let me assure you, they are an exceptionally happy group.

The study has a major flaw. They went to dating sites to collect data. Real Cougars aren't out prowling for men, they are too busy living their full, happy, delicious lives.  And, 9 times out of 10, it's the men who are in hot pursuit, not the women.  That growl and prowl routine is just ridiculous media hype.  It's not happening that way in the real world.  

So, please all you naysayers, give your older women phobia a rest.  We are smart, confident, independent and we're going to continue to make waves, whether you like it or not.  It's finally our turn and were saying "damn the torpedoes – full speed ahead".

Cougars And Their Teenage Daughters

Cougar women with daughters have an awesome responsibility. They have to be the living, breathing role models for their daughters and show them how important it is for  today's woman to be smart, independent and confident.  How vital it is for them to be their own person and not be governed by what other people say.  I said it was an awesome responsibility.

This morning I was watching the Today Show and there was a segment on tween fashions.  It was hard to know whether the clothes being shown were for the mom or the daughters.  Truth is, they weren't really appropriate for either age group.  Young girls today are super creative and the last thing we want to do is stifle that creativity.  But, at the same time, it's up to the Mom to set a standard so their girls don't get off track and send out the wrong signals. 

It's funny how age is always a problem for women.  When we were younger we couldn't wait to be older, and now that we are older, being younger sounds pretty good.   Cougar women have been accused of doing anything to retain their youth,  Well that may be true for some, but most of us are opting for growing old gracefully.  That doesn't mean throwing your hands up in defeat, it means, taking care of your self in every way – health, beauty, love sex, financially and spiritually.  It's becoming that 5-carat diamond I talk about..

I don't have a teenage daughter, but that doesn't mean I don't see how painfully aware they are of their  mother's fears. Did you know that young adults under 20 are the largest users of Botox to correct their perceived flaws? One 16 year old girls says, "every time I wrinkle my forehead, my mother warns it leads to wrinkles".  Another young women says she engages in  "competitive dieting" with her mom,  even though she think her mother's obsession with fat is crazy.

There is a study out from the Girl Scouts of the USA telling us what we already know, which is that the fashion industry and its use of ultra-thin models is making teenage girls too obsessed with being skinny, and distorting their body image. In my more limited unscientific research, the mothers are as strong an influence. Going on shopping trips with mom, usually a bonding experience, became all about hearing moms moan about their fat and rolls. Or seeing your mother trying on something, look in the mirror and say, ""I look ugly."

Daughters need their moms to be more satisfied with their own bodies and the lives they have created.  So many women look at photos of themselves as teenagers and say, "hey, I was really cute and I never realized it."   Well ladies, it's not too late – realize it now.  You will be a lot happier and so will your teenage daughters.