Sex Isn’t Meant To Be Orchestrated

by Linda Franklin 

Sex is wonderful and sex is complicated.  Getting two people to be on exactly the same page takes time and good communication.  What you think is pretty darned fantastic doesn’t necessarily translate to the other person.

Recently I talked with a woman who is concerned because her partner of four years has become obsessed with the idea of simultaneous orgasms. She feels every time they’re in bed, he is trying to synchronize their climax. Yikes, talk about pressure. This has gotten so bad, she’s even tried faking it to keep him happy, and we know that never works. 

Only in the movies does sex look perfect.  In real life it isn’t.  You never see any heroine say”, Hang on a minute, you may have popped your cork, but I haven’t — don’t you dare roll over and go to sleep!’ 

I talk to a lot of women and most say that simultaneous orgasms — while not quite as rare as unicorns — aren’t all that common (and often get less frequent with age). Only two have experienced the phenomenon with any frequency.

Most women will admit that in their 30′s it was easier to time their orgasms with their partners, but after having children is was almost impossible.  And, with some partners it was easier to coordinate peaks, but it didn’t always mean the sex was better.

Early in the dating process perhaps is was easier to experience simultaneous climaxes, but when that pattern didn’t continue the man thought he was doing something wrong. 

A word of advice for the guys.  Women hate when you stare down and ask how close we are.  It makes us tense and irritated.  To avoid that many women  fake orgasm to please you but it is really making them miserable.   

The biggest downside of fake orgasms is that men think they have pushed some kind of magic button when they haven’t. They then become perplexed when they try to repeat the process and nothing happens.

It’s clear you need to talk to your partner about sex outside the bedroom, when emotions aren’t running so high. The question is -  what has made him feel that synchronised climaxes are so vital? Perhaps they were a feature of a previous relationship and he’s come to believe that they’re vital for good sex?

No two women peak in the same way (some don’t have orgasms at all, so much as a pleasurable plateau of sensation) and he needs to understand that.

Rare is the man who has never watched pornography and many develop unrealistic expectations from scenes where trigger-happy porn stars climax on cue. Why? Because they’re faking it and the whole thing’s a fraud. Explain to your partner that you feel you’re being held up to some golden standard that doesn’t exist.

True erotic love is free and easy and doesn’t conform to any preconceived plan. There are no rules when it comes to good sex — we just need to release ourselves and enjoy the moment.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sex Has No Expiration Date

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman

When it comes to sex, there’s no such thing as as expiration date.  Sex is proven to be a good way to stay healthy,but it seems to have an extra special benefit in August.  Researchers from Boston State Hospital have found that summer sun at least doubles levels of the sex hormone testosterone.  So now have more fun in the sun takes on an entirely new meaning. 

There are so many benefits of having sex on a regular basis and here are just a few that you may not be aware of. 

Sex 3X a week halves the risk of heart attack or stroke – A study in Israel found that women who had two orgasms a week were up to 30 per cent less likely to have heart disease than those who didn’t enjoy sex or didn’t orgasm. ‘The endorphins released during sex also neutralize the stress hormones in the body, which are linked to heart disease.

Just a word of caution however -  if you’re over 50, overweight and unfit, there is a risk to your heart — just as there would be if you suddenly and vigorously took up any form of exercise.

Sex Strenthens Your Bones - Menopausal women who have sex every week have estrogen levels twice as high as their abstaining counterparts. Estrogen protectsbone health and losing it after menopause has been linked with osteoporosis.

Sex Helps You Quit Smoking – Here’s a simple way to get your man to kick his smoking habit — remind him that it causes the penis to shrink and can cause impotence. Erections are all about good blood flow, and lighting up worsens blood flow to the spongy tissues in the penis. As a result, it is starved of oxygen and become fibrotic — forming scar tissue — which is less elastic and less able to expand during an erection than regular healthy tissue.’  Smoking is also a known cause of erectile dysfunction as it causes hardening of the arteries and hampers good blood flow.

Sex Is A Natural Sedative – For a man, a powerful orgasm is the equivalent of having a 2-3mg shot of diazepam (or Valium).  It works as a muscle relaxant which is why so many men nod off after finishing — there really is a biological reason.  The endorphins released during sex can really help treat depression and clear the mind.\

Sex Guards Against Incontinence -  If a woman is active during sex, it’s a good workout for her pelvic floor muscles. The muscles that stem the flow of urine, reducing leakage and incontinence, all benefit and this reduces the risk of stress incontinence and prolapse later in life. After having children many women don’t have the time to do dedicated pelvic floor exercises, so sex provides this natural workout.

Sex doesn’t come with an expirtation date.  There are people in their 80′s having sex on a regular basis.  Look at sex as the most fun workout ever. Just lay back and enjoy the benefits.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.