Fake It Till You Make It – Even In Love

by Linda Franklin

If you want to feel in love, perhaps you should fake it until you make it.

A new study by psychologist Richard Wiseman said that behaving as if you find someone attractive increases your susceptibility to their charms, and increases the likelihood of you falling in love with them.

His study suggests that behavior can lead to emotions just as much as emotions can lead to behavior.

Separate research suggests those in arranged marriages – or who have had their partner chosen for them by a parent or matchmaker – tend to feel more in love as time grows, whereas those in regular marriages feel less in love over time. 

To test the theory of behavior affecting emotions, Professor Wiseman held a speed-dating night, where some of the prospective partners were asked to act as though they were already in love with each other.

The 100 volunteers, taking part in the study in  were encouraged to hold hands, gaze into each other’s eyes, and whisper secrets to each other.

When questioned at the end on their feelings, 45 per cent of those who had ‘acted in love’ wanted to see each other again – more than double the average rate of 20 per cent.

Professor Wiseman said: ‘This is a remarkable finding. Just as people feel happier when they force their face into a smile, so pairs of people behaving as if they find one another attractive became emotionally close.

‘The assumption was that the emotion leads to the action or behaviour, but this shows it can happen the other way round.

‘Behaving like you are in love can lead to actually falling in love. People are always going about positive thinking when this suggest positive action is just as valid.

In separate research, Harvard’s Dr Robert Epstein has studied the subject of arranged marriages for eight years, looking at the approaches taken in cultural groups including Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish.

He has interviewed more than 100 couples in arranged marriages to assess their strength of feeling and studied his findings against more than 30 years of research into love in Western and arranged marriages.

His work suggests that feelings of love in love matches begin to fade by as much as a half in 18 months, whereas the love in the arranged marriages tends to grow gradually, surpassing the love in the unarranged marriages at about the five-year mark.

The connection felt by those in arranged marriages is said to be around twice as strong. Relationship experts claim this is because arranged matches are carefully considered, with thought going into whether potential partners’ families, interests and life goals are compatible.

This means they are more likely to commit for life – and to stick together through rocky patches.

Those who marry for love, on the other hand, tend to be blinded by passion and so overlook these crucial details.

With soaring divorce rates and record numbers of single-parent households in the West, researchers suggest it is time to rethink the Western approach to love.

He said: ‘The idea is we must not leave our love lives to chance. We plan our education, our careers and our finances but we’re still uncomfortable with the idea that we should plan our love lives. I do not advocate arranged marriages but I think a lot can be learned from them.

No matter how pragmatic you are in choosing a partner, it sure helps if there is chemistry between two people.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Hipness – What Sets You Apart?

By Linda Franklin 

A new study from Harvard University has revealed that setting yourself apart from your peers is the answer to eternal hipness. 

I don’t know about you but I have always loved doing something that other people didn’t approve of.  

I was the first woman to live with my boyfriend.  I was the first Canadian woman to have a seat on The New York Stock Exchange. I always kept my finances separate – no co-mingling allowed. I didn’t have children and lived with my now husband, for over 20 years before we got married.  Today, I am a champion for other hip women – the rebels I call Real Cougars.  

Whether it comes to your taste in careers, men, or lifestyle, what you do is hip – as long as no one else is doing it at the same time.

The study which was published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, involved 200 college students who had their Facebook pages analyzed over a four-year period.

Kevin Lewis, lead study researcher and a PhD candidate in sociology at Harvard, added this. 

‘The meaning of an indie/alternative taste rests not just in the taste itself – but also in being the only one among one’s friendship circle that expresses it”.

Of course, this cat-and-mouse game of standing out from the crowd might leave you with some pretty esoteric tastes – and not a whole lot of friends.

But when you’re that cool, do you really care?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.