Fear of Sitting Still – What’s That All About?

by Linda Franklin

Why is it that most humans are filled with a constant restlessness that makes us feel uneasy when we’re not busy, and makes it impossible for us just to ‘be’?

We spend so much time bogged down by anxieties, worries  — and  our drive to accumulate ‘more’, even though, ‘more’ really don’t guarantee that we will feel content.

In his book, Back To Sanity — Healing The Madness Of Our Minds, Steve Taylor argues that we are all slightly mad — but that it’s so intrinsic we’re not aware of it. This madness is the reason we focus our attention outside ourselves, and fill our lives with constant activity and distraction, like addicts who need a constant supply of a drug. It causes discord in relationships and impels us to search for well being and fulfilment outside ourselves, which of course, is impossible.

Studies show that the average person now watches 28 hours of television a week — its primary function is to put us into a mental slumber, to blot out reality; to take us out of ourselves and out of the present — so we don’t have to face our own thoughts and our own lives.  But the more we run away from our thoughts and our reality, the more unsettled and anxious we feel.

THOUGHT CHATTER

So what are the thoughts we are running away from? Try this. Stop reading this posting and close your eyes.

After a few seconds you’ll probably become aware of the thoughts buzzing away inside your mind. Let them stream through your mind for about two minutes, then think back to the first thought that you were aware of, and retrace the steps from there to your final thought.

You’ll probably be amazed at the number of different thoughts you’ve had. This constant stream of thoughts can sometimes be pleasant but before too long your thoughts become negative. Worries, memories and fantasies about future scenarios whiz around our heads making us feel unsettled and uneasy.

We feel anxious even when there’s nothing tangible to feel anxious about. Sometimes this thought chatter is so habitual and firmly fixed it forms a script that goes constantly through our minds.

We spend most of our lives in a state of absence, either because we are thinking about the past or the future, or because we seek out distractions. With gadgets like BlackBerrys, eBook readers, iPads, smart phones and iPods, there is instant, easy access to external ‘elsewhere-ness’ in every situation.

Many people’s whole lives are based on pushing forward into the future, rushing around, trying to achieve ambitions and goals.

They wish away their lives by switching their attention from one future event to the next. Almost as soon as they are back from one holiday, they book another and start telling friends they can’t wait . . . or they spend their weekdays looking forward to the weekend.

One problem with the future is that at some point it becomes the present and it usually doesn’t live up to expectations, because you carry exactly the same background anxiety in your mind that you always do.

GETTING BACK  TO SANITY

The good news is that despite its devastating effects, this kind of ego madness is neither deep-rooted nor permanent. We can all take steps to restore a sense of ease, wellbeing and harmony — moments when we are totally happy within ourselves and in the present moment.

But how can we do it?

Spend Time With Yourself

We need to make a conscious effort to spend time with ourselves, in our own mental space, even if at first it feels uncomfortable.

This means weaning ourselves off distractions, trying to reduce the time we spend watching TV, surfing the internet or shopping.

It may mean not having the radio on in the kitchen, or not sending texts on the train. Do it gradually.

Go For A Run

One of the most important things we need to do is to quieten our minds a little, slow down the thought-chatter. There are a lot of activities we can use for this: sports like swimming and running have a mind-quietening effect, as does walking in nature.

Listening to music, dancing, doing yoga or having sex can also bring about a feeling of harmony.

In these moments, everything just feels right.

GET INVOLVED

The other main cause of ego madness is our sense of separateness — the way we feel we’re ‘in here’, inside our own mental space, with the rest of the world — including all other people — ‘out there’, on the other side. This sense of separateness creates a sense of incompleteness.

One way to overcome this is through connection — both with others and with nature.

Try doing something to help others. Research has shown that as well as making us happier, altruism makes us feel connected to something bigger.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Happiness – The Best Choice

by Linda Franklin

Happiness is a hot topic. Science is claiming that happy adults are more productive – and that’s better for the struggling economy.

Is there a person on the planet who doesn’t want to be happy? Probably not. But is it possible to be happy all the time?  Some claim it is.  And those are the people who are attracting prosperity in everything they touch. 

True happiness is not about being perpetually perky.  But it also not about with the momentary ecstasy we might feel when our team scores a goal, or we make an impulse buy of some fabulous shoes.

The real deal is all about a deeper sense of contentment and, and about valuing ourselves, and others. It’s also about looking for positives in situations, and feeling confident that we have the resilience to deal with life’s more challenging moments. And this, I believe, is achievable for all.

Awful things happen to even the most optimistic of us. And being a happy person does not prevent anguish and heartbreak when your dog dies, or you lose your job, or when you have problems with a partner. But, individuals who are optimistic do tend to deal with life’s downturns better than people with a less upbeat default setting.

The Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus said: ‘It’s not things that upset us, it’s our view of things.’ In other words, happiness actually involves our own attitudes and choices.

It’s marvellous if someone loves us, or we get a promotion; and it’s natural that such benefits augment our happiness. But none of us should regard these sorts of events as essential to our contentment. When we do, we live in dread that they will be snatched away. 

Good news.  Less than two decades ago, it was commonplace to believe that the brain was fully formed by the age of 25 and that it couldn’t develop or grow after that. But now, thanks to developments in neuroscience, we know that the brain can form new neural connections through life. And we also know that when a person deliberately thinks of something joyful, the brain becomes more active in the part of its structure that registers happiness.

It’s not too far-fetched to believe that if we keep thinking cheerful thoughts, we can exercise and grow the happy section of our brain.

In his book Science Of Happiness, physicist Stefan Klein says: ‘Unhappiness comes on its own, but we have to work for happiness.’ 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

Katie Couric & Boyfriend Split – Another Cougar Relationships Bites The Dust

By Linda Franklin 

Better Times

Katie Couric has split with her boyfriend of five years Brooks Perlin. Apparently, things have been rocky for a number of months and they both decided to call it quits. The couple had a 17 year age gap, so another famous cougar relationship bites the dust. 

Katie who lost her husband to colon cancer in l998 met the 37-year-old in 2006. Speaking later of their meeting she said: ‘I thought he was really cute. He asked me if I wanted to have dinner sometime and I liked that it was so direct and natural.

‘When he called, he asked me if I wanted to be in a sailing competition with him. I don’t sail. Then he asked me if I wanted to go surfing, and I’d never surfed. I said, “listen Mr Outward Bound, how about something normal?”.

The mother-of-two said it didn’t even cross her mind how old he was at the time. It was only later when she confided in friends that she was going on a date that they googled him.

She considered cancelling but was persuaded by friends not to and did not look back. 

In April, Couric gave a gushing interview to People magazine about her relationship, saying Brooks ‘challenges me in ways no one has ever challenged me before’ and that ‘they just clicked’.

But only a month later, she hinted at trouble with the green building-materials distributor, saying: ‘I am in the process of figuring out the future, and so is he. I am really happy in my personal life . . . but it is complicated.’ 

So, are all cougar relationships doomed to failure?  I don’t think so, but like any other relationships it requires constant attention and dedication.  

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Finding Love Again

by Linda Franklin -

Lisa spent 15 years alone after her husband died and thought she would never have sex again. Then, at age 71, she met a wonderful partner and has fallen madly in love again. She should be thrilled right?  She is - but the rest of the world seems less happy.

Both Lisa and her guy both have children who are having problems with their parents intimacy.  They roll their eyes when they kiss, and when Lisa tries to talk to her daughter about her new love she says she ‘can’t cope’.

Why are people so hostile to older lovers? 

We’re told ‘all the world loves a lover’, but that doesn’t ring true if the courting couples are 60-plus and don’t restrict their PDAs (public displays of affection) to holding hands.

There’s a misconceived cultural prejudice which leads some people to think older people who have sex are behaving inappropriately.

It’s difficult for a chid of any age to accept their mother being physically familiar.

Paul McCartney’s offspring weren’t exactly delighted by his puppyish displays of attraction (in the early days of the courtship) to Heather Mills — they felt it was disrespectful to Linda McCartney’s memory. His new bride, Nancy Shevell, has been far more diplomatic and has won the family’s approval.

Lisa’s daughter reluctance to discuss your partner is, on the face of things, unfair, but not unusual. She wants you to be her mother, not a girlfriend and confidante. 

If you’re lucky enough to find love, celebrate it; the point about growing older is you finally have the confidence to make bold choices.

Just remember in your bliss to be sensitive about the fact your families need time to adjust to the new landscape. When they have, I am sure they will share your joy.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Money Does Buy Happiness

by Linda Franklin

People say money doesn’t  buy happiness. But according to a new study from Princeton University’s Woodrow Wilson School, it kind of does to the tune of about $75,000 a year. The lower a person’s annual income falls below that benchmark, the unhappier he or she feels. But no matter how much more than $75,000 people make, they don’t report any greater degree of happiness.

The study points out that there are actually two types of happiness. There’s your changeable, day-to-day mood: whether you’re stressed or blue or feeling emotionally sound. Then there’s the deeper satisfaction you feel about the way your life is going. While having an income above the magic $75,000 cutoff doesn’t seem to have an impact on the former (emotional well-being), it definitely improves your day-to-day mood. In other words, the more people make above $75,000, the more they feel their life is working out on the whole. .

The authors found that most Americans — 85% — regardless of their annual income, felt happy each day. Almost 40% of respondents also reported feeling stressed (which is not mutually exclusive with happiness) and 24% had feelings of sadness. Most people were also satisfied with the way their life was going.

For more of the details about the money/happiness relationship check out this article in Time Magazine.

Mr. Big Or Mr. Sensible – You Get To Choose

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Mr. Big has money, ambition and good looks, but is that what Real Cougars really want?  It might be our fantasy, but as we mature we realize other qualities matter a lot more.

Researchers found that younger women are much more likely to be seduced by a high-flier but more seasoned women come to value more deep-rooted qualities like reliability, friendship, understanding and a man who loves us for who we are – warts and all.

A survey of 9,000 women aged 16 to 75 found that wealth and ambition in a man were the two favourite qualities for younger women, with half admitting they look for one who can afford to lavish them with expensive amenities.

Thin Women Make Men Happier – Really????

by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman 

 

Here's a dreadful headline I read the other day - ‘Happiness is Her being Slimmer than Him’.  Oh no, once again women are being subjected to this absurd drivel.  Propaganda that tells us that if we are not perfect 10's we are not good enough.  It's this constant focus of being thin that causes eating disorders, and if not that, women who just don't feel they are good enough to please a man.  

 

This infuriates me.  Are we that insecure that we're waiting around for other people to tell us if we're pretty enough, good enough, smart enough, rich enough???  I sure hope not.  The only opinion that really counts is the one you have about yourself.  That rules the quality of your life.

Real Cougar’s 12 Secrets For Keeping Love Alive

by Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

Cougar women are inventive, energetic and fun loving.  It’s really no surprise that we have learned how to keep love alive in a relationship.

Learning from my own experiences and those of couples I have worked with, I have 12 secrets on how to keep the flames of amour burning.

1) Be accepting. Allow the other person to have rights to their own feelings/emotions. Don’t try to tell someone how they “should” feel about something. It is important not to dismiss, deny or diminish the feelings of another, even if you don’t agree. 

Real Cougar Tips For A Long Term Relationship

In this day and age, when women 50+ are the largest demographic initiating divorce, remember there are couples who do make it through.  My husband and I have many rocky patches in our relationship but both of us feel we are better together than we would be apart.  That’s an important consideration and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly.  

When you are with a spouse that shows you he cares, that makes you feel like you are not alone, you’re fortunate. Both men and women want to feel like they matter. We all need that especially when the going gets rough.  Knowing there is someone there to support you, no matter what, means everything.   

As part of long term relationship that started almost four decades ago, I’ve learned a few things about what it takes to go the distance.  Here are a few tips I want to share with you.

1. Give more than you expect to receive back. The trick to this, and what saves me from the wrath of the goddesses of feminism, is that this is a two-way street.  This not only goes for you, but for your husband, too.  If you are both giving more than your “fair share”, the marriage has half a chance of succeeding.
2. Knock. You live together in the same house, but you still need boundaries.  Everybody can use some privacy now and then, and common courtesies that you can depend upon.  Both of us knock on a closed door and wait to be invited in.  It’s usually not really necessary, but it speaks loud and clear:  you are you and I am I, and I respect your right to protect your sacred sanctorum.
3. Cultivate a short memory.  Forgive quickly and don’t hold grudges.  It’s a hard lesson to learn but the payoff is worth the effort.
4. Two Independent People That Share A Life Together.  Be independent.  Both of you do the things that make you happy apart and then come together to share the things you love to do as a couple. Two happy people equals one happy couple.

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship that worked please share your secrets.   

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

The Real Cougar Woman Shares Her Secret For Happiness

The Real Cougar Woman is celebrating the start of summer by taking time out for some personal reflection.  It is time to take inventory, in fact, it's long overdue. For the past couple of days I have been looking at the choices I have made and evaluating what's working and what not. 

To reflect effectively you have to get quiet.  It's impossible to do it when you are smack in the middle of your day-to-day craziness.  You know what I mean.  As women, we just keep trucking along regardless of how we feel.  There is a huge price to pay for not taking time out to re-evaluate. When we are at dis-ease we create disease which can manifest in many different forms.

It's easy to figure out what's working and what's not.  But, too often I forget just how easy it is