Love Bites Men Faster

by Linda Franklin 

They are the three little words at the heart of every serious relationship. And for years, there has been a perception that women, rather than men, are almost always the first to confess ‘I love you’.

But it turns out that it’s men who not only fall in love earlier but are also more likely to declare they are smitten sooner than their female lover.

Previous studies have found that not only are women more expressive about how they feel but that they are expected, by both sexes, to be ones who fall in love first.

The reality, according to the latest findings by psychologist Marissa Harrison, from Pennsylvania State University in the U.S., is that women are actually more circumspect than men when it comes to romance.  

Professor Harrison interviewed 172 college students on whether they had ever been in love and, if so, whether it had taken days, weeks or months to realise they were infatuated with their partner.

They were then asked how far into a relationship they got before they openly declared their emotions.

The results, published in the Journal of Social Psychology, showed men were more likely to fall in love within a few weeks, while most women said it took several months.

Men were also more inclined to tell their partner they loved them much sooner in the relationship.  

The results fly in the face of common belief that women fall in love more easily than their male counterparts. ’Perhaps women are perceived as less rational about love because they have a greater capacity for processing emotional experiences.’

More predictably, this new research showed that men wanted sex for the first time after a few weeks, while most women preferred to wait a few months. 

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Finding Love Again

by Linda Franklin -

Lisa spent 15 years alone after her husband died and thought she would never have sex again. Then, at age 71, she met a wonderful partner and has fallen madly in love again. She should be thrilled right?  She is - but the rest of the world seems less happy.

Both Lisa and her guy both have children who are having problems with their parents intimacy.  They roll their eyes when they kiss, and when Lisa tries to talk to her daughter about her new love she says she ‘can’t cope’.

Why are people so hostile to older lovers? 

We’re told ‘all the world loves a lover’, but that doesn’t ring true if the courting couples are 60-plus and don’t restrict their PDAs (public displays of affection) to holding hands.

There’s a misconceived cultural prejudice which leads some people to think older people who have sex are behaving inappropriately.

It’s difficult for a chid of any age to accept their mother being physically familiar.

Paul McCartney’s offspring weren’t exactly delighted by his puppyish displays of attraction (in the early days of the courtship) to Heather Mills — they felt it was disrespectful to Linda McCartney’s memory. His new bride, Nancy Shevell, has been far more diplomatic and has won the family’s approval.

Lisa’s daughter reluctance to discuss your partner is, on the face of things, unfair, but not unusual. She wants you to be her mother, not a girlfriend and confidante. 

If you’re lucky enough to find love, celebrate it; the point about growing older is you finally have the confidence to make bold choices.

Just remember in your bliss to be sensitive about the fact your families need time to adjust to the new landscape. When they have, I am sure they will share your joy.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Love. Are Some Women More Needy Than Others?

When it comes to love are some of us more needy than others?  Have you ever wondered why you become clingy as soon as you have a partner? Or why you’re unable to stick in a relationship for long? New research has found that the way we act in relationships is pre-determined by which ‘attachment type’ we are. By identifying whether you are an ‘avoider’, ‘anxious’ or ‘secure’, you can find your perfect match and transform your relationships.

Everyone – whether they have just started dating or have been married for 40 years – falls into one of these categories. By understanding which one you are, you can view your own behaviour and the actions of people around you in a new light.

If you’re single and looking for love, this knowledge can help you find the right match; or, if you’re already in a relationship, it can help you understand why you think and act as you do. In either case, you’ll start to experience change – for the better.’  

The science of attachment is based on the fact that we are all biologically programmed to find love. Although we live in a culture that tells us independence is good, nothing could be further than the truth. People in good relationships have been found to live longer, healthier lives.  

The need to be near someone special is so important that the brain has a biological mechanism, called the ‘attachment system’, that consists of emotions and behaviours that ensure we stay close to our loved ones.

But while we all have this need for attachment, the way we show it differs.
In the Sixties, tests found that babies were either ‘secure’, ‘anxious’ or ‘avoidant’. If a secure baby’s mother left the room he would start crying, but as soon as she returned he calmed down and started to play again. 

The anxious baby was distressed, but when the mother came back, he pushed her away and burst into tears. Finally, the avoidant baby acted as if nothing had happened when the mother left and returned to the room. But tests showed that his heart rate and levels of the stress-hormone, cortisol, rose.

Research has now shown that adults behave in a startlingly similar way to babies when it comes to romantic relationships. What type we are (which depends on our upbringing and adult experiences) determines how you react in romantic situations.

Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back. Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and keep their distance.

By using attachment theory both your own behaviour and that of others no longer seems baffling and complex, but rather predictable… So, which attachment style are you?

To find out the answer click here.

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The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream.  All things are possible”.  Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest

Real Cougars Know They Are A Great Catch

George Bernard Shaw said, “Youth is wasted on the young”. Let's all chime in and say "Amen!  Yes, we are all getting older, but we are also getting better and that's why we are such a great catch. 

I get emails all the time from women telling me that the dating experience is tough and it's not how they remembered it. Wish I had a nickel for every time I hear that dating is a young person's game and putting yourself in such a vulnerable position just ain't worth it.

Well, don't be so fast to count yourself out of the game.  It's time to recognize that the added years are actually expanding your chances of making a perfect match.  Real Cougar women, I am proud to say, are able to attract wonderful men at any age. They have that special blend of class and sass that men just eat up.

If you don't believe me, allow me to remind you why you are such a great catch.

You know yourself better now.
At the heart of wise dating is a clear understanding of who you are. You must know your needs, temperament, strengths and weaknesses before you can select the right partner.

You are better equipped to assess potential partners.
How people present themselves often is not an accurate gauge of what’s going on inside. As we get older, we become more skilled at figuring out what makes others tick. We look for clues about their true character. We watch for signs of emotional health, spiritual commitment, and sound decision-making.

You have a clearer sense of what matters.
By the time we’re well into adulthood, most of us understand that lasting love hinges on heart-and-soul qualities. Kindness, unselfishness, compassion, joyfulness—these are the qualities that enrich relationships over the long haul. We know that these internal characteristics are far more significant than external factors.

You have clarified your dreams and goals. 
We are more focused and do only the things that we feel called to do. That’s important because a great marriage includes two people whose goals and dreams overlap. As you have become more selective about the ambitions to pursue, you are better able to evaluate whether your goals complement those of your potential partner.

You have more realistic expectations.
You've undoubtedly been in some rough relationships. Those experiences, though painful at the time, have an upside: they provide valuable lessons and create a more reasonable, sensible view of love and marriage. Older singles know that any kind of romantic relationship, however wonderful, will have problems to work through. A long-term relationships can be fabulous, but it will never be flawless.

If you cringe when you think about your age, do yourself a huge favor and tune out all those negative vibes.  Instead, make a list of all the reasons why any man would be lucky to be with you. Your years have prepared you to find and enjoy a lasting and fulfilling relationship.  So if that's what you want – just go out and find it! 

Real Cougars Are Redefining Happiness

What is the cherished gift we spend our entire lives searching for?  The answer is happiness. 

Happiness is often referred to as 'the elusive butterfly' and that's because we're not really sure what it is, where to find it or what it should feel like when we do.  To compensate for not having that special feeling we spend our lives trying to do things that will distract us from the pain we feel.  We work too hard, watch too much television, spend too much money, spend too much time online, drink too much, have sex with with the wrong people and the list goes on. 

So what can you do to catch this 'elusive butterfly'?  Here are a 5 principles that have worked really well for me.  I'm not saying that I have this happiness thing completely figured out but I am making progress.  

• start looking at every obstacle as hidden opportunity
• don't compare yourself to anyone else – know what really turns YOU on
• understand that as you grow the things that make you happy change – don't hold on to the past
• know that inner happiness can't be taken away – it's your gift to yourself
• in place of distractions do things that touch your heart

As you look at your life this New Year I hope you will consider following these five principles.  If you do a new kind of happiness will be born – a happiness that no one can take away.