Cougar Cub Couples

by Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.
I can’t help but wonder if Ashton & Demi weren’t a Cougar/Cub couple if people would care so much or if they’d be getting as much attention? Will the media now make a broad statement that these relationships just don’t work?

In my 20+ years of researching this age difference and dating/marriage dynamic between younger men and older women, I have come to some interesting conclusions.

I have seen May/December marriages that only get stronger over time. The women and men both tell me “things just keep getting better.” I know now that there is a difference between a younger man who is simply an opportunist, and the younger man who is truly imprinted psychologically and sexually to an older woman and would not consider bonding with a woman is own age or younger.

Let’s take a look at Ashton and Demi. I don’t know them personally, but I do know Hollywood. I have lived in Beverly Hills over 23 years and truthfully, three dates there is considered a long term relationship. The fact that this couple has lasted as long as they have is to their credit.
.
We can’t know what is in the minds and hearts of others, so we have no right to speculate on whether Ashton was truly in love with Demi or if he married her for career advancement and media attention. Maybe the marriage just ran its course based upon “Hollywood statistics.”
.
It isn’t easy for anyone to hold together a marriage in that town. Just look at J Lo and Marc Anthony who lasted some 7 years. Who knows, maybe Demi married Ashton to give herself some media boost?

Perhaps, as with many couples in the entertainment industry, the coupling was mutually beneficial. Only they know the truth and frankly, as salacious as it is to speculate, it’s really none of our business.

What I can say about this is, I am sorry if their marriage is on the rocks. I am sorry for anyone who has to go through the rigors of divorce. Loss is never easy.
.
It’s like I always say: You are either working on a marriage, or working on a divorce.
.
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest

Cougar Women Come In Many Different Varieties

I was watching an online video of a recent Cougar convention in Northern California. The attendees, younger men and older women were being interviewed as they danced the night away. The women were unified about why  they sought out younger men. There was no new news about that. Then, one Cougar said, "And the young men don't have to worry about putting a ring on it."
 

Excuse me? I hope she was only speaking for herself and not making a blanket statement about what ALL Cougar women want.

Cougar Dynamic – Is It Really Just About Sex and Money?

So many women tell me they had unfulfilled sex lives when they were married. Child rearing, career, taking care of the home and hubby left them totally exhausted. Marrying young, without the experience of varied sexual partners, and not having fulfilling married sex, all contributed to them wanting more. 

 

They want what they feel they have missed out on, and many are finding this experience with a younger man.

 

It's important to know that 90% of women are looking for a relationship, as opposed to a one night stand or friends with benefits.

 

Is the media to blame for how we view older women, younger men relationships?  Many of the younger men I talk to tell me they are not happy in how the media portrays them; horny, bumbling frat boys trying to lose their virginity. I know doctors, lawyers, engineers, MBAs and other professionals  who are seriously looking for a meaningful relationship with an older woman. 

New Year, New Man – And Your Kids Who Hate Him

 Kids always want to think their parents will be together forever, despite the fact that they may get along likeoil and water. Seeing one or both of their parents with someone new can bring up their own issues of abandonment. Since your children haven't walked in your shoes, they may not be able to fully understand what took you away from each other in the first place. 

For girls especially, seeing their father with a new woman may make them feel less like Daddy's little girl. Seeing mom with a new man can make them subconsciously fearful of their own potential future shattered relationship with a man.

  

Whatever the fear, it does not feel good. Here is what is important to understand: Anger is usually a mask for fear. Fear is usually about loss. Keep those words in mind as you read further.