Older Husbands Are An Asset To Ambitious Women

by Linda Franklin

We’ve all heard that behind every great man is a great woman.  But does that same theory work in reverse?

According to Xerox CEO Ursula Burns, it does.  In fact, she says the ‘secret’ of her success was marrying a man 20 years older than her.

Burns’s husband Lloyd Bean also worked for Xerox as a scientist and researcher, but she was the real star. The engineering hotshot started as a summer intern at Xerox and rose rapidly through the ranks to become the first African-American female CEO.

It seems that Burns, who was known for challenging conventional wisdom at work, wasn’t afraid to do the same in her personal life. She saw her husband’s age as an advantage instead of an obstacle because, according to The Wall Street Journal, he ‘had already gone through this ‘growing up’ stuff.

Of course there are always issues in any relationship, but older men are biologically wired to be more nurturing. As someone raised by a single mom in a Lower East Side housing project, this was undoubtedly an important quality to Burns.

Other high-profile females have spoken out about the importance of choosing the right partner. Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg has openly praised her husband’s willingness to split childcare and housework.

And for some power couples like Hewlett-Packard CEO Meg Whitman, whose neurosurgeon husband Griffith Harsh IV moved from Harvard to California when she became CEO of eBay, the secret seems to be prioritizing and compromise.

So for ambitious women, it seems that the most important factor isn’t a partner’s age. It’s his attitude.

Most successful people have learned the importance of picking the right person on the job. But since relationships can build us up or tear us down every day, the most important member of the team is the one waiting for us at home.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Facebook Envy

by Linda Frankilin

Facebook can make you feel miserable and inadequate.  Looking at other people’s exotic vacation photos,  their handsome partners, reading about their successful relationships, how they’re knocking the ball out of the park professionally, can trigger lots of negative feelings. After all we are human.

A study conducted by two German universities found rampant envy on Facebook, and it has produced an unprecedented platform for social comparison.

The researchers found that one in three people felt worse after visiting the site and more dissatisfied with their lives, while people who browsed without contributing were affected the most.

“We were surprised by how many people have a negative experience from Facebook with envy leaving them feeling lonely, frustrated or angry,” researcher Hanna Krasnova from the Institute of Information Systems at Berlin’s Humboldt.

“From our observations some of these people will then leave Facebook or at least reduce their use of the site,” said Krasnova, adding to speculation that Facebook could be reaching saturation point in some markets.

They found people aged in their mid-30s were most likely to envy family happiness while women were more likely to envy physical attractiveness.

Men were shown to post more self-promotional content on Facebook to let people know about their accomplishments while women stressed their good looks and social lives.

“From a provider’s perspective, our findings signal that users frequently perceive Facebook as a stressful environment, which may, in the long-run, endanger platform sustainability,” the researchers concluded.

Have you ever been a victim of Facebook envy?  Before you go beating yourself up – remember this.  Many of the updates are uber-hyped.  Successful people don’t have to go overboard to promote themselves on social networks.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Is It Time To Break Up With Your Facebook Page?

                                                                                                                                                                            By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D. 

Are you caught up in the social media craze/addiction? Do you sit on the toilet updating and reading your posts on Facebook on your IPhone until your legs fall asleep? What does adding “friends” on Facebook really mean?Yesterday I went on my Facebook page and scrolled down to my very first post in December of 2010. I scrolled through two years of happy birthday wishes, tons of “Likes” and even more “LOL” messages and for the life of me couldn’t remember half of the references. I had over 2,000 friends; most of whom I don’t know, will never meet and could care less about following. Was my real social life so lacking that I had to manufacture “friends” on a website in order to feel validated? Apparently, yes.

Clearly, it was time to break up with my Facebook page. But breakups are never easy, and what one does in the passion of the moment of self discovery may soon be regretted. So I decided to do it slowly.
 
First, I took down most of the photos I posted. Do I really want strangers (aka “friends” I don’t know) who may have malevolent intentions peruse them and copy them for God knows what reasons?

Secondly, I started culling the herd of “friends”, a daunting task, as I just want to get the roar down to a bearable and manageable hum. I have worked my way through the names beginning with the letter “A”. Over 200 friends were gone just like that.

Thirdly, as I read the postings others make, I decide if I really want to  keep this person on my list or not. Nothing personal, but if people post pictures that are disgusting, beg for money, push their causes, whine constantly, inbox me every time I am on line and try to engage me in endless, inane conversation–They are history.
 
Fourth, each day I look at the friends I have with birthdays. I no longer wish everyone a happy day. If I don’t know them, I delete them.

Fifth, people who live across the world and type in a language I will never take time to learn, well, I say “adios” to them.

My goal is to get my friends list to only real friends, family members and people I really want to connect with or follow. Other than that, I have bigger fish to fry…like living my life and spending less time on a social networking site that really isn’t helping me socialize.

It’s a start. It will take time to cull the herd. I am not accepting any new friend requests and haven’t for a while. I don’t play the games. I don’t use the applications. I have spent two and a half years of a lot of time reading, posting and clicking. And for the life of me, I can’t remember any of what I have read 24 hours later, except for the people I genuinely care about; which is what healthy relationships are really about. Right?

If you agree, click “Like”. (Sorry. Force of habit.)

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Hiding Money From Your Hubbie

by Linda Franklin

Money makes the world go around.  It also causes too-many-to-count problems in a marriage.  I have always recommended that women be financially independent by having their own bank accounts, file their own tax returns and try to keep as many assets as they can separate from their husband. But apparently that’s getting a lot harder to do.

This might sound way to radical when we were led to believe that marriage is based on love and trust. But, too many women, and some men too, have been left high when love flies out the window and all that’s left in a nasty divorce battle.  Anger and hurt can make us do things we never thought we could do.

On that cheery note I wanted to share an article that Veronica Dagher, a writer for The Wall Street Journal, wrote today.  She agrees that couples do hide money from each other, whether to spend it on extramarital mischief or keep from sharing it in a divorce. Her article warns hiders that electronic discovery is making it a lot easier to uncover all that covert activity.  This is important to know.

Divorce lawyers and forensic experts are employing new strategies of their own.  Instead of having to sift through reams of paper records to find irregularities they’re now able to used advanced search tools to analyze thousands of digital bank statements, credit-card bills and other files in the blink of an eye.  

Many spouses who think they’re being clever forget one simple fact: All of that electronic activity leaves traces. Experts say many people assume they have permanently deleted an email, Facebook post or other communication—when that’s often not the case.

“Realize that any time you have an electronic device on, information can be saved and it can be later tracked,” says Michael Arkfeld, a Phoenix-based educator in the field of electronic discovery.

To get an idea of just how widespread financial mischief is, consider a couple of surveys. According to the National Endowment for Financial Education, 31% of U.S. adults who combined assets with a spouse or partner say they have been deceptive about money, and 58% of these adults say they hid cash from their partner or spouse.

Love ain’t it grand?  Read the article so you protect yourself if the you-know-what hits the fan.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Facebook Interface Offers More Privacy

by Linda Franklin 

Did you know that if you’re on Facebook and sign up for an app or a game you will override your global privacy settings?  I didn’t.

Now scientists have created a simple interface that clearly shows what information you’re about to give the app access to.  This is important for us to know.

The sign-up interface was devised by Penn State University researchers, who claim that many Facebook app developers may try to profit from their games and tools by selling or sharing the data with advertisers and other companies. The information could also be leaked to identity thieves.

Members who sign up for an app must agree to new terms of information disclosure that are often different from their main Facebook privacy settings, they say. 

Penn State assistant professor of information sciences and technology Heng Xu pointed out that although each app must provide a link to its terms and conditions, the consequences for your privacy settings are obscure.

She said: ‘The only way to find out how the information is going to be used is to go to each app’s website and review the terms of use. And most people won’t do that.’ 

The sign-up screen currently is a general agreement that shows information third-party developers are requesting. If the member does not agree, the member cannot use the app.

The screen designed by the researchers allows members to decide what types of information they are comfortable sharing and with whom they want to share it.

The design features three boxes to offer members the option to share their app activity history with all the members of their network, just specific people, or keep all of the information private.

Privacy settings allow members to determine how much information the member wants to display or share with their members of their network and Facebook.

Xu said that people may not even know that they may expose their friends’ personal data if they use apps. A calendar app, for example, could allow developers to access the member’s birthdate, as well as the birthdate of friends who are part of the member’s network.

As you would expect, a Facebook spokesperson vigorously denied that using apps is a risky process for its users. 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,” there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system and a dream.  All things are possible”.  Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougar Women and Facebook

After a weekend of trying to set up a new Facebook page, I am surprised I have any hair left on my head.  These techie geniuses don't make it easy.  But I, like all of you Real Cougars, are tenacious and refuse to give up.

Facebook used to offer users a Fan Page – now they don't. It took me hours to figure that out.  I finally discovered that I needed to set up what they now call a Profile Page. That was just the tip of the iceberg.  Everything after that was even more confusing. More hours spent tearing out my hair.   I did have some help from Eric, who does such a magnificent job designing and maintaining this blog, but even he felt challenged. I guess you have to be 12 to understand all the bells and whistles.

Anyway, I am happy to report I am finally making some progress and the new page is up. It's a beginning with lots more coming – I hope.  I would love if you could check it out.  My goal is to set up a conversation and I would love you to join in that conversation.

Shining Service Worldwide is set up for appreciating and supporting our 'combat cougars' – the bravest of the brave.  These fabulous females need our help when they are in service and when they return home.  I am finding out the challenges they face are immense. Through this conversation, we will get a better handle on what their needs are, and be able to extend a helping hand.

Apparently, I need 25 people on this new Facebook page to be able to establish a URL identity.  Who knew?  So please help me achieve that first goal by going to the Facebook page and spreading the word.  Thank you so much.

Gay is OK – Will Cougar Ever Be OK?

In yesterday's New York Times there was an article entitled "Celebrities Come Out With Fanfare".  That article got me thinking which is always dangerous. 

Basically what it said was so many high-profile gays have come out that we hardly pay attention any more. Once it was seen as a defiant and courageous act of such social and political significance that gay rights activists created a holiday for it – National Coming Out day.  But, experts say, "ultimately it isn’t  the
celebrity that changes people’s minds, or the politician. It’s the individual,
one on one.”

After I read the article I got all fired up.  When I finished I went directly to my  Passbook page to vent and created a real hornet's nest.  Here's what I said:

This morning I'm pissed. It took 40 years for people
to start accepting that Gay is OK. Well now it's time for Cougar Woman to be OK
too. This kind of discrimination by Google and others is really not acceptable.
Women have worked too hard to be pigeon holed by society just for making
different choices. We need toget rid of prejudice against women once and for
all!!!

Well 75 comments later the debate was far from resolved. You see, its difficult for people to get past the cougar and realize The Real Cougar Woman is all about eliminating the old and antiquated double standard. Many of the comments from this one gentleman were pretty nasty. He was saying how dare I talk about the injustice to gays in the same breath as the injustice to cougar women.  If I had left out the word cougar and just said women perhaps there wouldn't have been a debate at all.

It's sad to me that so many people can't get over the term "cougar".  If one celebrity would come out and embrace it perhaps the tide would turn. But, unfortunately that's not happening.  And, just last week Kim Cattrall, the ultimate cougar, declared she's not a cougar but she did say she was a confident, sexy and independent woman.  That's a Real Cougar in my book.

So maybe Gay is OK but I wonder if Cougar will ever be. And, I wonder if my next book will have to be entitled "Don't Ever Call Me Cougar"?

Sex Is Always On Our Minds

Yesterday I read an article that said men think about sex every few minutes or every 7 seconds – you take your pick.  That's pretty crazy.  If you assume that the average male is awake for 16 hours a day, each man would have to think about sex more than 8,000 times a day. That's about as many times as a person breathes while awake.

The Social Organization of Sexuality found that 54 per cent of men reported thinking about sex every day or several times a day, 43 per cent a few times a month or a few times a week, and four per cent less than once a month.

When asked the same question: 19 per cent of women reported thinking about sex every day or several times a day, 67 per cent a few times a month or a few times a week, and 14 per cent less than once a month.

After reading those statistics I wanted to do my own survey, so I asked my friends on FaceBook if they thought about sex every day.  Here are a few of their responses.

• I've been thinking about sex every day ever since I lost my virginity at 19. Love it and my goal is to be a dirty old lady with or without a partners.  Thank goodness for toys!  
• Sex is way over rated… and I think I over rated it! And sex is so seldom openly talked about, a taboo topic, yet so predominant in our thoughts and world. How strange. 
• I think about it every day….several times a day. It's very important to me.  Sometimes i think my sex drive is greater than my husbands.
• Since I turned 40 three years ago I realize I think of sex so much more often. Absolutely every day. I'm fortunate enough to now have an amazing man in my life who is quite happy about that.
• I'm sorry, what was the question? I was lost in a sexual fantasy.

Our sexuality is part of who we are. Maybe if more people were doing it we wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it. 

True Love With a $25,000 Price Tag

A couple of days ago I put this question up on my FaceBook page. Would you pay $25,000 to find the love of your life?   I had just read about a matchmaker in New York City who charges that much money.  So I wondered how many would be willing to part with their hard-earned bucks in the pursuit of happiness. I got a lot of very interesting responses.

Samantha Daniels, matchmaker extraordinaire refers to her service as an exclusive, discreet and high-end matchmaking for the ultra-successful, ultra-busy, ultra-cultured and the ultra-educated. According to Daniels her track record is excellent.  Over 100 marriages and 1000's of significant relationships later she calls herself the best in the business.    

Okay having said that, back to my FaceBook responses. Most of the women said "thanks but no thanks."  They were willing to take their chances and find true love on their own.  But, there were a few who said they would really consider signing up by the price was too high.

Here's what one of the guys had to say:  "Send me $25,000 and I will GUARANTEE that you meet all the men you want!!!".  He went on to say, "You could travel overseas, review hundreds of potential mates and ship two or three of them back for a trial run for that kind of money".  Typical guy response.  

So what do you say?   How much would you be willing spend to find true love?