Greedy Wife Leaving Husbands With Nothing

by Linda Franklin

Divorce is an ugly business!  Nobody wins!  Wives are left hurt and looking for revenge and many husbands are forced to leave a house and children to live in a  furnished studio apartment.

Women seem to be  living by the principle of ‘don’t get mad, get everything’. And often, they go on getting everything for years, long after time has been called on their marriage.

In these days of equal education,  opportunities and access to professional careers, women are still expecting (and receiving) huge and continuing settlements when a marriage  ends.

I consider myself an advocate for women,  but I don’t see why today’s divorcing women should expect any kind of settlement at all.

If modern marriage is an equal  partnership, divorce should be the same, surely, with both parties getting out what they have put in, as when any other type of contract ends.

Yet modern women are still positioning  themselves as the weaker of the two sexes having to be kept by a big strong man, whether married or divorced. We have fought for equality, and many battles have been won, but divorcing women are still portraying pathetic little housewives unable to fend for themselves, before ruthlessly fleecing the men  they once professed to love.

Want to secure a juicy settlement?  Based on the Heather Mills principle, have a kid.   The presence of a child will ensure generous maintenance payments for years, maybe decades, to come.

It’s easy for an attractive woman to use her  charm and wiles to entrap a rich man, all the time calculating the cash they  receive when they can call time on the marriage. Why can’t they women give that kind of forethought into developing careers and financial independence rather than  sponging off someone else?

The bulk of women are married to ordinary earners and they too can be set up for years with the house, car, custody of children and a regular lump  sum in their accounts.

Some divorcees are reluctant to remarry, in case they kill the goose that lays the golden egg — maintenance usually stops when you have another husband to support you — so they are content with boyfriends and lovers.

When a wife has been brutally dumped, there might be greater grounds for sympathy. But these days, an estimated 70 per cent of  divorces are brought by women. What are these women being paid for, when no  longer married?

One woman, let’s call her Jane, was married for about 20  years when she decided she wanted a divorce. There were no particular  grounds, and no one else was involved. Both parties got a lawyer, and Jane was awarded 85 per cent of the joint assets. There were no children and she had never worked.

In 2013, women who demand everything and expect maintenance forever after, should hang their heads in shame.  We must prove to ourselves that we are not simpering victims, but proud, strong and, above all, financially independent females.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sex With The Ex

by Linda Franklin

Having sex with the ex seems to be a fairly typical part of the breakup process for young adults, or says a new study. But those of us who are older and wiser know this is risky business. I

According to a recent study, 43 percent of women admit to regularly sleeping with an ex while searching for someone new.

Female participants reported several reasons for seeking sex with a former partner, according to Seeking Arrangements:

1. “Missed physical intimacy.”

2. “Wanted to re-start the relationship.”

3. “Things went too far after too much to drink.”

5. “Bumped into each other on a night out and ‘it seemed like a good idea.”

A Few Things to Mull Over Before Sex With The Ex:

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• Don’t forget the reasons for your divorce. If your marital problems were so severe that divorce was your only option, do you really want to sleep with the ex? If you divorce someone to get him/her out of your life inviting him/her back in for intimate get together is only inviting him/her back into your life.
• The person you are now considering having sex with is the same person you no longer wanted share your life. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that only sharing intimacy won’t give this person access to other parts of your life.

•  

• Who else has your ex had sex with? Is he/she dating and is there a possibility they’ve been intimate with others? You may think that sex with your ex is safe, both emotionally and physically but, are you sure? Don’t take it for granted that sex with your ex is safe sex. Always be sure to protect yourself by using a condom and some form of birth control.

In the end, if you decide to have sex with your ex it is important to be honest with yourself and your ex. Discuss your expectations, make sure you are both on the same page and that no one is being fooled by the new intimate relationship.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest. 

Wives Calling It Quits

by Linda Franklin

   Ask any man on the planet and they will tell you women are complicated.  So, it’s no wonder that husbands have a tough time knowing if their marriage is going through a rough patch or it’s headed for the rocks.  Today the greater percentage of divorces are initiated the wife.  That’s quite a switch.

Most men might be vaguely aware of problems at home, but write it off to a ‘rough patch’ that will pass and be forgotten.

January 3rd has been nicknamed ‘divorce day’ by lawyers, because it’s the most popular day for couples who have been struggling to hold it together over the holidays, to pick up the phone and call their lawyers.

The warning signs are always there if you look for them. Women tend to stifle their emotions and their needs to keep everyone happy. But this suppression causes problems.

By shutting off negative emotions such as anger, frustration and sadness  you end up switching off all feelings — even positive ones, like love.

The male myth that relationships are women’s work just doesn’t apply any more.  Men may be conditioned to buy flowers, chocolates or an expensive dinner occasionally, but they often fail to keep an eye on the health of the relationship.  This is what women crave – a man who is sensitive to their needs.

Men think that if there was a real problem, their wives would tell them and they could fix it. So – the unhappiness goes unchecked. By the time the alarm buttons are going off,  she’s not saying ‘You’re taking me for granted’ or ‘We should go out more’ but: ‘I want a divorce’.

Men are emotionally ill-equipped to deal with this, because the one person they always turn to for advice — their wife — is unavailable for them now.

And, while women have close friends to talk things through with, men keep their personal feelings held pretty close to the vest.

Of course, it’s not just a husband’s job to save a marriage. If you feel you are falling out of love, chances are that you’re alternating two strategies, neither of which is working.

First, you keep trying to fix the relationship single-handedly, but feel increasingly resentful of this.

Second, after suppressing your unhappiness for some time, you explode about something trifling and all the pain and bitterness floods out.

This will barely register, as men tend to put outbursts down to feminine over-sensitivity or they simply can’t understand why such a minor issue has caused so much fury and soon forget about it.

The time to broach your issues is when you’re getting along. Calmly, explain that you’re exhausted and running out of hope that things can change.

The words ‘I don’t love you any more,’ may be harsh, but they are ones he will, at least, understand. If the situation is not quite so bleak, say: ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you.’

This will give your husband a final chance to shoulder his share of the responsibility for saving your marriage. It’s much better than joining the line of women outside the lawyer’s office.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Dating Fears After Divorce – Especially Getting Naked

by Linda Franklin

Dating after divorce can be daunting.  You’ve been sequestered in a relationship for decades and here you are about to embark on a whole new life.  For some, this transition might be easier than others, but I’ll bet all women over a certain age are terrified about exposing their naked bodies to a new man.

It’s hard for us to believe that any man will see you as sexual being when all you see is every little imperfection in your body.  Every bit of cellulite, every spider vein, every sag that you make you cringe.

Friends can tell you that you are a total babe and any man would be lucky to have you.  But, until you believe it yourself you will be scared to death to let a man near you. The sexual confidence that accompanies youth recedes when your body shows any signs of wear and tear.

We forget that physical attraction has as much to do with personality and confidence as it  does your appearance.

According to psychologist Dr Sharron Hinchliff, a lecturer at Sheffield University who has spent 12 years researching female sexuality and aging, women in mid-life who are apprehensive about venturing into new relationships because they lack confidence in their bodies should take heart — men are not impervious to the passing years, either.

‘The women in our study reconciled the awareness of their own expanding waistlines and aging bodies with the fact their new partners might have a bit of a paunch or a bald spot,’ she says, ‘It’s quite possible they also had their own sexual hang-ups and difficulties, such as erectile dysfunction. Women often overlook the very obvious fact that men age, too.’

Now, what  if you have set your sights on a younger man like many women are these days?  Well, they are not immune to insecurities either.  Their fears of rejection often surpass your own.  They want to please you but don’t know how to do it.  I get emails from lots of guys who want my advice on how to please an older woman in every way.

So, you just have to take that leap of faith.  Get back out there, be yourself and have confidence that you will attract the right men into your life. Confidence is a huge turn on.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Six Ways to Keep Money from Sabotaging Your Next Marriage

by Terri Orbuch PhD

Money is more worrisome to newlyweds as a source of conflict than any other topic or concern. In second or third marriages or serious relationships, however, partners are so gun-shy about sharing bank accounts and expenses that a majority of them simply don’t.

That’s one of the surprising findings from my landmark study of hundreds of married and divorced individuals, which has been ongoing for more than 25 years.

You can find love again after a serious relationship or marriage has ended. And when you do, here are some ways to keep money from straining your new love partnership.

1. Acquire a new money vocabulary.
Examine your past–how your parents dealt with money, what money meant to you growing up, and how you dealt with money in your former relationship. Look for patterns in how you think and talk about money. For example, “I can’t catch up,” or “I’m afraid I won’t have enough,” or “I can’t stick to a budget.” Try to change your typical money vocabulary into more positive action statements. So, “I can’t catch up” becomes “It’s time to get control over my finances.”

2. Think like the opposite sex.
One of the reasons money is a source of conflict in marriage is that men and women view and interact with money differently. Studies show that women tend to see money as a sign of security. They like to save for emergencies and they become worried when financial problems arise. Men, on the other hand, take more risks with money and see money issues as a threat to their self-esteem. Try to understand the role of money in your partner’s life so you can meet differences with compassion rather than anger.X

3. Keep money matters simple the second time around.
In my study, almost 6 out of 10 divorced singles (57%) who are now in healthy new relationships don’t share living expenses with their partner. Many recognized that shared bank accounts and expenses weren’t worth the trouble, so they keep these separate in their new partnership. They discover that with kids and property from previous marriages, money matters can become unnecessarily complicated in second marriages.

4. Toss out assumptions; ask questions instead.
Don’t assume your partner wants to split everything 50/50, even if he or she did this in a previous relationship. And don’t assume that you understand how your partner feels about money. Instead, have a dialogue with each other and talk about what money represents. Listen carefully to your partner’s answers to see if there are deeper, older issues going on that have been unresolved.

5. Share financial knowledge and decisions.
Money is such a hot-button topic that 49% of those who divorce and remarry in my study still worry that money will become a monster issue in their new relationship. Even if you keep your money in separate accounts, studies show that couples have less tension when they each weigh in on big financial decisions. It is also essential that you know about each other’s assets, debts, retirement plans, and large purchases. Secrecy or lying about money, incidentally, is perceived as a betrayal of trust–similar, emotionally, to an affair.

6. Get off to a new money start.
My research shows that in the early years of a relationship, money is the number one source of conflict. You’ve learned a lot from the mistakes and missteps in your previous marriage. In addition to all the other new, healthy behaviors you intend to try this time around, make money honesty and money openness one of them. Talk often about each other’s money so that it becomes routine. Come to agreements about spending. Set ground rules and expectations that will help you avoid conflict about money later on.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Hiding Money From Your Hubbie

by Linda Franklin

Money makes the world go around.  It also causes too-many-to-count problems in a marriage.  I have always recommended that women be financially independent by having their own bank accounts, file their own tax returns and try to keep as many assets as they can separate from their husband. But apparently that’s getting a lot harder to do.

This might sound way to radical when we were led to believe that marriage is based on love and trust. But, too many women, and some men too, have been left high when love flies out the window and all that’s left in a nasty divorce battle.  Anger and hurt can make us do things we never thought we could do.

On that cheery note I wanted to share an article that Veronica Dagher, a writer for The Wall Street Journal, wrote today.  She agrees that couples do hide money from each other, whether to spend it on extramarital mischief or keep from sharing it in a divorce. Her article warns hiders that electronic discovery is making it a lot easier to uncover all that covert activity.  This is important to know.

Divorce lawyers and forensic experts are employing new strategies of their own.  Instead of having to sift through reams of paper records to find irregularities they’re now able to used advanced search tools to analyze thousands of digital bank statements, credit-card bills and other files in the blink of an eye.  

Many spouses who think they’re being clever forget one simple fact: All of that electronic activity leaves traces. Experts say many people assume they have permanently deleted an email, Facebook post or other communication—when that’s often not the case.

“Realize that any time you have an electronic device on, information can be saved and it can be later tracked,” says Michael Arkfeld, a Phoenix-based educator in the field of electronic discovery.

To get an idea of just how widespread financial mischief is, consider a couple of surveys. According to the National Endowment for Financial Education, 31% of U.S. adults who combined assets with a spouse or partner say they have been deceptive about money, and 58% of these adults say they hid cash from their partner or spouse.

Love ain’t it grand?  Read the article so you protect yourself if the you-know-what hits the fan.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Lifetime Thinks 7 Days of Sex Can Save Your Marriage

 by Linda Franklin

The amount of sex on television isn’t going to be cut down anytime soon as Lifetime announced “7 Days of Sex” a show that challenges couples to report back about their nightly trysts.   It appear that Lifetime believes the only way to attract viewers is to resort to having lots of sexual content.  Another upcoming show is ‘The Client List’ which is about a real life mom-turned-prostitute.

7 Days of Sex, will highlight couples who have hit a breaking point in their relationship and are trying to save their marriage by having sex every night for one week.  According to the network, the couples will ‘attempt to make radical fixes to their troubled relationships by asking the frank question: can a diet of daily sex help them recharge their marriage? 

Each episode will feature two couples and see how their relationship progresses over the course of their given week.  If only it was that simple.

Lifetime says, “‘7 Days of Sex is a reflection of the challenges in our relationships — balancing time, family, work and trying to achieve real intimacy while being honest and true to ourselves.”

If you are interested enought to tune in, the première episode airs on April 26th.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Leaving The Relationship First – Someone Has To

 By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

The more I listen to people, the more I learn. In fact, I learn more by listening than I do by talking. No surprise there. But what is surprising is that I hear a common refrain from both men and women about leaving a relationship.They want to leave but are waiting for the other person to make the first move.

They are actually hoping the other will make some grand, unforgivable relationship faux pas so they can justify breaking up, as opposed to just initiating “the talk” with their partner and calling it quits.

Another thing I hear people doing is picking ridiculous fights with their partner or purposely doing something to annoy or tick the other person off. They are provoking conflict so they can justify a break up and blame it on the other person or at the very least absolve them from any “guilt” about leaving. This almost always results in ill will and damaged egos and bruised feelings. You don’t need to justify why you want out. The fact that you want out is justification enough.

If breaking up is what someone truly wants to do, then just do it. Don’t cause a rift. Don’t pick a fight. Don’t blame, shame or guilt the other person. Do the break up cleanly, with integrity and by taking the high road. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond,”This just no longer works for me and I am moving on with my life. I wish you the best.”

If you aren’t happy with your relationship and you know there is no potential for a future with your partner, you are doing both of you a favor by moving on. Time is a precious commodity we can’t afford to waste and we can never get it back. Empower yourself by moving forward and find the love you are looking for. Learn from your current situation by making a fair and impartial assessment of the dynamics that did and did not work and improve yourself to attract what it is you truly want.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

 

Cheating Spouse? – 9 Giveaway Signs

by Linda Franklin

Did you ever have that gut feeling that’s telling you your spouse is up to no good. That maybe he has got something going on the side.  That nauseating feeling of betrayal is so horrible that you may consciously choose not to pay attention to the warning signs.  Knowing for sure can get ugly and your life could be turned upside down.  But wait a minute….

Don’t you owe it to yourself to know the truth?  Your happiness, your self-esteem, your financial future are on the line here.  It’s up to you to protect yourself.  If you don’t know the telltale signs of a cheating spouse, these nine signs provide pretty conclusive proof.

1. The sex

Your hubbie wants more sex. His libido is over stimulated, but it’s just sex – there is no emotion attached.  Of course, the other side of that coin is that he doesn’t want sex at all.

2. His Appearance

A cheating husband will make sure his hair looks right, and will start taking more interest going to the gym. (He can even use that time to have that secret rendesvous..who knows).

3. More Time Away From Home

Work obligations are demanding more of his time.  And, add to that, more out-of-town tmeetings.

4. He takes up a time-consuming hobby that doesn’t involve you

This regular hobby can include the gym (if you can call that health hobby), the library, jogging or some kind of sport. The less you are interested in it, the more chance of him taking it.

5. His cell phone has become his constant companion

A cheating husband needs to take his cell phone everywhere (Yes even to the bathroom with the door locked from the inside). This is just in case the other woman call or it’s for him to contact that other woman.

6. He eats less, or he has stomach upset

Not so smart cheater will have dinner with his secret lover and won’t have want to eat when he gets home.

7. You catch some lies – white lies, big lies..

You realize he’s been lying and getting better at covering them up. He avoids eye contact with you, and won’t participate in any discussion about infidelity. And when you push him to the edge ready to prove that he’s lying, he’ll get defensive or very angry. 

8. Emails – New email address, new passwords, no history

He is using the computer a lot. When you walk in the room he minimises all windows – or closes them altogether. When he finally gets off the computer nothing is left in the history. All temporary cookies are deleted too.

9. Obvious evidence

This can be perfume on his laundry items, lipstick on his collar or shirt, or even the fact that he wants to do his own laundry. Hair can also be evidence (Like…you see blonde hair in his car, and your hair is black)

On top of these signs of infidelity, you’ll find that a cheating husband will stare off into space a lot, talking much less and losing interest in you and the family

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Does Cheating Ever Work Out?

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

 

Back in my grandparents’ era, divorce was relatively uncommon. Women had fewer choices then and fewer financial resources. “Divorce” and “adultery” were dirty words only whispered.  Most wives looked the other way. There was not any No Fault Divorce on the books, so one had to prove adultery or cruelty, which brought even more whispers and shame from the community.

Flash forward to the ‘60’s and women’s struggle for civil rights, equal pay for equal work and sexual freedom. Increased financial resources meant women didn’t have to put up with infidelity any more; they could now take care of themselves.

Nowadays, almost as many married women as men are cheating. The “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” is alive…but is it well…for relationships, that is. Celebrities do it. Politicians do it. Now Middle America is doing it. But I have to believe it is taking its toll on relationships and perhaps people are not really focused on the gravity of the marriage commitment so much when they think,”If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just get a divorce, or find someone on the side.”

I also have to believe, there are those of us out there who still believe in the integrity of the institution of marriage. Just this week, a young man whom I have known for a few years texted and asked me to have an affair with him. “Aren’t you married?” I asked him. “And don’t you have a young child with your wife?”

Here is the rest of the conversation:

Him: You know you want to see me. I really want to see you.

Me: There is no potential upside for me to see you.  And it would not be fair to your wife or your son. I am sorry you chose to marry a woman with whom you now say you don’t love and don’t feel sexually compatible, but you made that choice and now you have a child with her.

Him: Do you want to see me or do you just want to tear me apart?

Me: I don’t break up marriages or families and I don’t help married men cheat. I have integrity and ethics about that.

Him: OK. I get it. How about we meet just for coffee? We can be friends. Good friends.

Me: Frankly, I don’t associate with liars and cheaters.

Him: You know you want to see me. We had such great chemistry together once. Let’s see if it’s still there.

Me: There is no future for us either romantically or as friends. I hope you focus instead on your relationship with your wife and son.

Afterwards, it occurred to me if women didn’t cheat with married men (and vice versa) then the rate of infidelity would go drastically down.  People would think hard about making a marriage commitment and work harder at making better choices and working on the relationship.

 

Men cheat because we LET them cheat. Maybe wives don’t give them permission to do it, but it makes it easier if other women make ourselves available. I happen to believe I am worth more than being the “other woman.”  A LOT more. Think of it this way: Would YOU want some woman helping your husband or partner cheat on you? 

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.