Dating Secrets For Over 50′s – What You Need To Know

By Linda Franklin

The secret to dating over 50 is –  there are no secrets. It’s still all about common sense and listening to your intuition. Women wonder if there is some  new approach in 2013 that they aren’t aware of.  I don’t think so.  The dating “basics” have remained the same through the decades.

There are three principles that are tried and true, no matter what age you happen to be: 1) relax, 2) pay attention and 3) be yourself.

In my opinion, most people set the bar far too high when it comes to dating. C’mon, it’s not that serious. It’s supposed to be FUN!  Enjoy the moment!

Here’s a little more insight into those three tried and true principles:

• Relax
  Take a tip from the “younger” set and “just chill.” Don’t look at your date as the answer to all of your problems — your ills, shortcomings, things you didn’t get as a child, things you did get and want to keep getting, or any other entitlements on your list. Rather, enjoy your date’s company and look at the experience as a chance to make a new friend, or to be enlightened on a subject you knew little about before the date.
• Pay Attention…
  Remember, even though you’re still “chilling,” if you’ve gotten past the first few dates, it’s time to show the other person you are sincere about getting to know them. Let’s stop right here and think about that phrase (go back and say it out loud if you need to)…OK, now ask yourself, did you really get to know the person during those first few dates, or were you concentrating on your needs again and what you want and expect? This is where many of us get into trouble — especially women.Avoid tunnel-vision and keep an open mind about his potential as a mate (if that’s what you’re looking for) based on what you have already learned about him.

  I’ve heard so many horror stories from women and men who didn’t pay attention and missed those all-important clues that told them it was time to move on. And believe me, you know what those clues are — that funny feeling in your gut that tells you something isn’t quite right.

• Be Yourself
  I know you’ve heard this before, but if you still find yourself acting weird on a date, then you are not been paying attention to the red flags. Keep in mind that the other person is nervous too; it’s natural. Meeting a complete stranger can make anyone uncomfortable. By being relaxed and acting natural, you can help your date do the same.

Here are a couple of pet peeves women have shared with me about their dating experiences:

• Dating Pet Peeve No. 1: The guy who has to tell all his personal business in the first five minutes after meeting him. This signals that he’s impatient and wants to cut to whatever chase he has in mind. Usually, this man is scared to death of growing old alone and doesn’t want to waste time.What to do? Avoid this type like the plague.
• Dating Pet Peeve No. 2: When a guy tries to impress you  with all the things he says he owns. I emphasize “says” because how do you know he’s telling the truth?  And, who cares anyway, because y more than likely you have enough THINGS and at this stage of your life are looking for “substance.”

Bottom line: If you feel comfortable with this person don’t allow convention (or your friends) to decide what’s right for you.  If it feels good it probably is, and if it doesn’t feel right, follow your intuition and run fast before you get stung.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Five Things A Man Isn’t Thinking When He Sees You Naked

by Linda Franklin 
Women worry too much about how their bodies looks.  It even discourages many from having sex because the stress of looking perfect is just too much. If you are focused on your saggy belly – you are not focused on the exciting sensations in the moment.

You’ve got to trust me on this, no man is going to say or even think any of the following:

 

 

• “Oh, gee, you have so many wrinkles!”
• “You’d be so pretty if you lost weight.”
• “Huh — I thought you looked younger with clothes on.”
• “I like firmer butts and perkier breasts.”
• “Uh, I gotta go now.”

Whether or not he voices it out loud or conveys it with a smile or melting eyes, here’s what he’s thinking:

                   ”Oh wow, did I get lucky! This is going to be wonderful.”

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Dating Fears After Divorce – Especially Getting Naked

by Linda Franklin

Dating after divorce can be daunting.  You’ve been sequestered in a relationship for decades and here you are about to embark on a whole new life.  For some, this transition might be easier than others, but I’ll bet all women over a certain age are terrified about exposing their naked bodies to a new man.

It’s hard for us to believe that any man will see you as sexual being when all you see is every little imperfection in your body.  Every bit of cellulite, every spider vein, every sag that you make you cringe.

Friends can tell you that you are a total babe and any man would be lucky to have you.  But, until you believe it yourself you will be scared to death to let a man near you. The sexual confidence that accompanies youth recedes when your body shows any signs of wear and tear.

We forget that physical attraction has as much to do with personality and confidence as it  does your appearance.

According to psychologist Dr Sharron Hinchliff, a lecturer at Sheffield University who has spent 12 years researching female sexuality and aging, women in mid-life who are apprehensive about venturing into new relationships because they lack confidence in their bodies should take heart — men are not impervious to the passing years, either.

‘The women in our study reconciled the awareness of their own expanding waistlines and aging bodies with the fact their new partners might have a bit of a paunch or a bald spot,’ she says, ‘It’s quite possible they also had their own sexual hang-ups and difficulties, such as erectile dysfunction. Women often overlook the very obvious fact that men age, too.’

Now, what  if you have set your sights on a younger man like many women are these days?  Well, they are not immune to insecurities either.  Their fears of rejection often surpass your own.  They want to please you but don’t know how to do it.  I get emails from lots of guys who want my advice on how to please an older woman in every way.

So, you just have to take that leap of faith.  Get back out there, be yourself and have confidence that you will attract the right men into your life. Confidence is a huge turn on.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality.  Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Men Who Aren’t What They Seem

 

by Linda Franklin

Even if they won’t admit it, most women dream of a handsome, charming man who will sweep her off of her feet. The toughest part is figuring out whether the charmer sitting across the table from you is sincere, or just a guy looking to add another notch on his bedpost.

The experienced player has plenty of tricks up his sleeve to keep even the savviest of women guessing.  Here are ten signs from Best Dating Sites that might give you a clue that your new beau might be harboring some less than honorable intentions.  

1. He always knows exactly what to say – Some people, male and female alike, simply have a knack for words. While being suspicious of someone based solely on the fact that they’re articulate isn’t usually a good idea, when his lines seem so perfect that they almost sound rehearsed, there’s a good chance that they probably are.
2. He’s never ruffled or agitated – Even the most confident man will be a bit nervous in the presence of a woman he’s interested in. When a guy never seems flustered or anxious, never makes an awkward move and always maintains a cool-as-a-cucumber exterior, it’s a red flag that he’s not really feeling those tremor-inducing butterflies.
3. .He always has an excuse – A smooth operator can break a date at the last minute with an ironclad excuse. While unexpected events will inevitably arise in any relationship, establishing a pattern of canceling with an unassailable alibi in place might indicate that he’s still playing the field.]\
4. He’s evasive about his past – When a guy’s past is questionable or likely to give a good woman pause, he’s not going to be eager to discuss it. Shady characters may insist on “living in the present,” simply to keep you from piecing together bits of his sketchy past.
5. You’ve caught him in a few lies – Little white lies are one thing; no man wants to tell you that he isn’t wild about your new haircut or that your skirt is a bit tighter around the hips. That being said, if you catch him telling whoppers about deal-breakers, he may be hiding some predatory tendencies. 6.
6. He’s surgically attached to his cellphone – A man who never leaves his phone unattended, even if he ignores it all night, may be doing so to avoid presenting you with an opportunity to uncover two-timing or other ungentlemanly acts.
7. He steers the subject away from commitment – The reluctance of most men to discuss the future and the state of your personal union is the stuff of legend; even good-hearted guys have been known to get squirmy when the subject is broached. However, a guy that deftly steers the conversation in another direction on a regular basis might be keeping his options open on an indefinite basis.
8. You’ve never met his friends – In the first few weeks of a new relationship, you’re both so enthralled with one another that you may not even be entertaining the idea of spending time in groups. Still, if you’ve been dating for months and you have yet to meet a single person in his life, it’s a sure sign that he’s not invested in your relationship and probably doesn’t feel that it has long-term potential.
9. He’s a little bit too smooth – As the old adage says, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. When smooth starts to seem more like sleazy, take a step back and evaluate the relationship as a whole; if he’s slick across the board, it might be a good idea to move on.
10. He assumes that you’ll be available on very short notice – Cocky, overly confident guys may call you at the last minute on a Saturday night, assuming that you’re keeping the evening open on the off chance that he’ll call. When the bulk of his calls come around the time that the bars close, he almost certainly thinks of you as a last resort.

It’s a good idea to also be on the lookout for another trick out of the cad’s playbook: the backhanded compliment. By praising one trait while insulting another, men are able to subconsciously convince a woman to crave his approval. Still, the most important thing to rely on when assessing a man and determining his intentions is your own gut instinct. If there’s a part of you that smells a rat, even in the throes of early infatuation, it’s a good idea to heed that warning.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Love Bites Men Faster

by Linda Franklin 

They are the three little words at the heart of every serious relationship. And for years, there has been a perception that women, rather than men, are almost always the first to confess ‘I love you’.

But it turns out that it’s men who not only fall in love earlier but are also more likely to declare they are smitten sooner than their female lover.

Previous studies have found that not only are women more expressive about how they feel but that they are expected, by both sexes, to be ones who fall in love first.

The reality, according to the latest findings by psychologist Marissa Harrison, from Pennsylvania State University in the U.S., is that women are actually more circumspect than men when it comes to romance.  

Professor Harrison interviewed 172 college students on whether they had ever been in love and, if so, whether it had taken days, weeks or months to realise they were infatuated with their partner.

They were then asked how far into a relationship they got before they openly declared their emotions.

The results, published in the Journal of Social Psychology, showed men were more likely to fall in love within a few weeks, while most women said it took several months.

Men were also more inclined to tell their partner they loved them much sooner in the relationship.  

The results fly in the face of common belief that women fall in love more easily than their male counterparts. ’Perhaps women are perceived as less rational about love because they have a greater capacity for processing emotional experiences.’

More predictably, this new research showed that men wanted sex for the first time after a few weeks, while most women preferred to wait a few months. 

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Finding Love Again

by Linda Franklin -

Lisa spent 15 years alone after her husband died and thought she would never have sex again. Then, at age 71, she met a wonderful partner and has fallen madly in love again. She should be thrilled right?  She is - but the rest of the world seems less happy.

Both Lisa and her guy both have children who are having problems with their parents intimacy.  They roll their eyes when they kiss, and when Lisa tries to talk to her daughter about her new love she says she ‘can’t cope’.

Why are people so hostile to older lovers? 

We’re told ‘all the world loves a lover’, but that doesn’t ring true if the courting couples are 60-plus and don’t restrict their PDAs (public displays of affection) to holding hands.

There’s a misconceived cultural prejudice which leads some people to think older people who have sex are behaving inappropriately.

It’s difficult for a chid of any age to accept their mother being physically familiar.

Paul McCartney’s offspring weren’t exactly delighted by his puppyish displays of attraction (in the early days of the courtship) to Heather Mills — they felt it was disrespectful to Linda McCartney’s memory. His new bride, Nancy Shevell, has been far more diplomatic and has won the family’s approval.

Lisa’s daughter reluctance to discuss your partner is, on the face of things, unfair, but not unusual. She wants you to be her mother, not a girlfriend and confidante. 

If you’re lucky enough to find love, celebrate it; the point about growing older is you finally have the confidence to make bold choices.

Just remember in your bliss to be sensitive about the fact your families need time to adjust to the new landscape. When they have, I am sure they will share your joy.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Men Who Don’t Want To Leave

by Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D

 

It starts out very insidiously. You have a few dates with a new man; dinner, movie, an event with mutual friends. All is going well and it feels like you have been together forever. You invite him over to your place for pizza and a DVD. He brings his toothbrush and you think nothing of it since he is staying the night and it is just a toothbrush. A week later you look in your fridge and there are 7 types of bread, a six pack of beer – none of which you have bought.

 

As you stand there ferreting through all his food stuff, you realize the amount of laundry you have been doing lately has doubled. Sure, he has been spending the last several nights at your place. Why not? He is easy to get along with, the sex is great and since he does live one town over, it is just more convenient for the both of you. You also realize that since he has been camping out at your place, he has acquired two of your dresser drawers, several hangers in your closet and now his car AND his motorcycle are parked in your driveway. And then it hits you: When did he move in?

 

You tell yourself, “I should have seen it coming.” You are no stranger to the toothbrush routine and this isn’t your first rodeo. But here it is again–a situation that went from inertia to warp speed, from just meeting and starting to date to finding his socks and underwear all over the house. As you stand bewildered in front of the fridge wondering who on earth needs 7 types of bread, you hear him in the living room on his cell phone telling the newspaper to change his delivery from his house to yours.

 

Gulp.

 

When did this turn from casual to commitment without a summit conference and press release? Why didn’t you get the memo? And most importantly, are you ready for cohabitating with a man you really haven’t known very long? Isn’t the reason for dating to get to know someone well enough through all the seasons before you make a life altering decision such as this?

 

Moving in together changes a lot and for those of us women who are accustomed to living on our own, it can mean redesigning our plans, patterns, and daily decisions. It means having to have 24/7 consideration for the person who is now under our roof.  Moving in is a big decision that should not be taken lightly nor without much discussion. Ground rules need to be set. (Don’t leave your dirty underwear and newspapers all over the house.) Division of labor needs to be addressed. (If he cooks, you clean up the kitchen.) Finances need to be discussed. You need to discuss what is and what is not acceptable to you; since it is YOUR roof he is living under. And you also need to let him know where you draw the hard line that can get him kicked out.

 

If your new man starts to move in on you, be aware of the tell tale signs. It usually begins with a toothbrush. The best case scenario is that things go wonderfully and the relationship is strengthened; but this can only happen with honest communication and boundaries that are set and respected by both parties.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

Soul Mate Search Hinders True Love

By Linda Franklin

According to the myth, soul mates not only have a deep connection, but love and accept everything about each other. Being soul mates with someone implies you have similar tastes and interests, and love doing everything together.

Last year I wrote a blog Soul Mates Are Not Who You Think They Are.  I don’t believe in soul mates and I never have.  

Single women worry there is something wrong with them because they can’t find their soul mate, and married women question whether one nasty argument means her husband isn’t her soul mate after all. But what does the term really mean?

The inference is that once you find your soul mate, there are no fights, and you will be unquestionably accepted for who you are. No wonder everyone wants one — particularly this generation, many of whom had a front-row seat for their parents’ divorce.

Instead of worrying about the heady connection with a so-called soul mate, people should focus on what really counts.  Falling in love is easy – staying in love is where the challenge really lies.

Here are a few relationship skills that really hold two people together. 

• Managing to argue while being respectful of each other’s opinions and finding a compromise
• Being open and upfront about feelings; and listening without interrupting or making assumptions – call it mind reading
• Couples needs their space. Time apart, separate interests and knowing there is always something more to discover about your partner promotes intrigue, excitement and desire

Being different should also be regarded as an asset — not a problem — as each partner brings added dimension to the relationship.

Finally, relationships need strength of character as much as a deep connection.  You cannot feel defeated by the first piece of adversity that comes your way.  Overcoming problems together, as a unit, really binds people together.

Rating our relationships on how connected we feel is making us miserable, and leaving us helpless when something goes wrong.

So, do yourself a favor.  Get your head out of the clouds and banish the word ‘soul mate’ from your vocabulary.  From now on focus on improving relationship skills and accepting the differences. 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Bad Sex – Is It A Deal Breaker?

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

 

You met this great guy. You have been have dated five or six times and are thinking this could be the start of something big.  But, then your marvelous fantasy is abruptly derailed.  The spark you thought was there fizzled in the bedroom.  So what do you do – send him packing?

Yes, bad sex can be a totally legit reason to break up. The idea that the quality of sex within an otherwise good relationship is “trivial” was invented by people who are not having good sex.  Do you really want to listen to them?  I don’t think so.

Cancer Survivors Dating Site Attracts Thousands

by Linda Franklin – The Real Cougar Woman

Having survived stage 4 cervical cancer, Laura Brashier knows she is lucky to be alive. But when the twice-divorced hair stylist, from Rancho Santa Margarita, California, tried to start dating again, it proved more difficult than she ever imagined.

Ms Brashier, then 37, found the aggressive radiation and surgery that beat the disease had left her body so damaged that intercourse was impossible.