What Your Man Really Thinks? Do We Want to Know?

by Linda Franklin   

Call it protecting their fannies or just good old-fashioned common sense, there are some areas of married life where honesty is most definitely not the best policy.

Apparently, a third of all men would NEVER tell their wife that she looks fat.  That’s probably a very good idea if they want to keep the peace. Give them credit for being smart enough to know that just one small comment about your weight could fire a barrage of consequences that would make him a very unhappy camper.

We all know how sensitive a topic weight is, but it’s just one of many taboo topics where men should keep their opinions to themselves.

Five very brave husbands were asked to name the major complaint they have never dared to confront their wife about.  Here’s the list, but to me it’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Bravery only goes so far. 

You Can’t Cook – You Can’t Drive – I Don’t Like Your Hair – I Don’t Like The Way You Dress, and last but certainly by no means the least – You Are Turning Into Your Mother.

Yikes, any one of these could start a battle royal, especially the one about turning into your mother.  It’s interesting though that there wasn’t one complaint about sex in the top five. I find that highly unlikely since men always seem to have major issues around their bedroom activities, or lack of them.

Now that we’ve heard from the men, let’s turn the tables.  What would you say is the top complaint you have about your mate?  It’s hard to pinpoint only one isn’t it!  Tell me what drives you crazy and I will share them in my next posting.   

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sex Isn’t Meant To Be Orchestrated

by Linda Franklin 

Sex is wonderful and sex is complicated.  Getting two people to be on exactly the same page takes time and good communication.  What you think is pretty darned fantastic doesn’t necessarily translate to the other person.

Recently I talked with a woman who is concerned because her partner of four years has become obsessed with the idea of simultaneous orgasms. She feels every time they’re in bed, he is trying to synchronize their climax. Yikes, talk about pressure. This has gotten so bad, she’s even tried faking it to keep him happy, and we know that never works. 

Only in the movies does sex look perfect.  In real life it isn’t.  You never see any heroine say”, Hang on a minute, you may have popped your cork, but I haven’t — don’t you dare roll over and go to sleep!’ 

I talk to a lot of women and most say that simultaneous orgasms — while not quite as rare as unicorns — aren’t all that common (and often get less frequent with age). Only two have experienced the phenomenon with any frequency.

Most women will admit that in their 30′s it was easier to time their orgasms with their partners, but after having children is was almost impossible.  And, with some partners it was easier to coordinate peaks, but it didn’t always mean the sex was better.

Early in the dating process perhaps is was easier to experience simultaneous climaxes, but when that pattern didn’t continue the man thought he was doing something wrong. 

A word of advice for the guys.  Women hate when you stare down and ask how close we are.  It makes us tense and irritated.  To avoid that many women  fake orgasm to please you but it is really making them miserable.   

The biggest downside of fake orgasms is that men think they have pushed some kind of magic button when they haven’t. They then become perplexed when they try to repeat the process and nothing happens.

It’s clear you need to talk to your partner about sex outside the bedroom, when emotions aren’t running so high. The question is -  what has made him feel that synchronised climaxes are so vital? Perhaps they were a feature of a previous relationship and he’s come to believe that they’re vital for good sex?

No two women peak in the same way (some don’t have orgasms at all, so much as a pleasurable plateau of sensation) and he needs to understand that.

Rare is the man who has never watched pornography and many develop unrealistic expectations from scenes where trigger-happy porn stars climax on cue. Why? Because they’re faking it and the whole thing’s a fraud. Explain to your partner that you feel you’re being held up to some golden standard that doesn’t exist.

True erotic love is free and easy and doesn’t conform to any preconceived plan. There are no rules when it comes to good sex — we just need to release ourselves and enjoy the moment.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Love Shows Some Of Us Needier Than Others

by Linda Franklin

When it comes to love are some of us more needy than others?  Have you ever wondered why you become clingy as soon as you have a partner? Or why you’re unable to stick in a relationship for long? New research has found that the way we act in relationships is pre-determined by which ‘attachment type’ we are.

By identifying whether you are an ‘avoider’, ‘anxious’ or ‘secure’, you can find your perfect match and transform your relationships.

Everyone – whether they have just started dating or have been married for 40 years – falls into one of these categories. By understanding which one you are, you can view your own behaviour and the actions of people around you in a new light.

If you’re single and looking for love, this information can help you find the right match; or, if you’re already in a relationship, it can help you understand why you think and act the way you do. In either case, you’ll start to experience change – change for the better.  

The science of attachment is based on the fact that we are all biologically programmed to find love. Although we live in a culture that tells us independence is good, nothing could be further than the truth. People in good relationships have been found to live longer, healthier lives.  

The need to be near someone special is so important that the brain has a biological mechanism, called the ‘attachment system’, that consists of emotions and behaviours that ensure we stay close to our loved ones.

But while we all have this need for attachment, the way we show it differs greatly.
In the Sixties, tests found that babies were either ‘secure’, ‘anxious’ or ‘avoidant’. If a secure baby’s mother left the room he would start crying, but as soon as she returned he calmed down and started to play again. 

The anxious baby was distressed, but when the mother came back, he pushed her away and burst into tears. Finally, the avoidant baby acted as if nothing had happened when the mother left and returned to the room. But tests showed that his heart rate and levels of the stress-hormone, cortisol, rose.

Research now shows that adults behave in a startlingly similar way to babies when it comes to romantic relationships. Our type (which depends on our upbringing and adult experiences) determines how you react in romantic situations.

Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back. Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and keep their distance.

By using attachment theory both your own behaviour and that of others no longer seems baffling and complex, but rather predictable… So, which attachment style are you?

To find out the answer click here.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream.  All things are possible”.  Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Holiday Breakups – Tis The Season

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

 

Seeing more couples breakup around the Holidays is not that uncommon.  Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They are defining moments of joy as well as sorrow. If we are in a marginal relationship with someone, we are inclined to start thinking, “Thanksgiving is around the corner. Christmas is next. Then there’s New Year’s. Do I really want to take this relationship into the next year?”

 

If you are not in a serious relationship, it is a time for thinking, “Do I really want to spend the holidays with this person I have been seeing but don’t really feel all that committed to? If we spend the holidays together, will he think this is getting too serious?” Then there are other considerations: What do you spend on a gift? How much time should you spend together? Do you take him home to meet family and friends? 

 

Holidays do mean something relationship wise. They mean you are spending more time, effort, money and emotional energy with someone else. It also means introducing that person to family members and friends and being pulled aside and asked, “Is this serious between the two of you?” While you may be wondering if he is worth keeping around, he may be wondering the same about you. This sets up tension in a relationship. 

 

It may be time to evaluate your relationship and have a frank discussion about where it is, where it is going, where it is not, and what you each want to do about it. There is nothing so bad as being alone for the holidays, unless you are with someone who doesn’t make you happy.

 

 The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest. 

 

Women Fat Check Each Other All The Time

Never mind the hours spent choosing new clothes, applying make-up and getting your hair just right: if you care what other women think, the priority should be the size of your waistline. 

In a survey 54 per cent of the women said the first thing they checked out was the size of a woman’s waist.  Next on the list were the 45 percent who said they checked if you were wearing too much makeup.

 

Here are some of the other things women are critical of when sizing up another woman. 

• How you dress
• Hair Syle
• Smile
• Skin 
• How tall they are
• If your roots are showing
• Fake Tans
• Eye Makeup
• Shoes
• Boob Size
• Tattoos
• Length of the skirt
• Teeth
• Jewelery
• What their man looks like
• Nails 

Yikes!  Are we really that bad?  The majority (56 per cent) said it took them just 20 seconds before passing judgment on someone, while a conservative four in ten said they gave them a few minutes to impress.

I have to admit that I am guilty of checking out too many things on that list. Do you?  We tend to jump the gun and form opinions for the wrong reasons.  What happened to believing you can’t judge a book by it’s cover. 

Don’t you agree that first impressions have to be based on something more meaninful that the color of another woman’s nail polish?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream.  All things are possible”.  Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Donatella Versace – A Female Misogynist?

By Babe Hope 

You can run but you can’t hide. Some designers are cheating real women and don’t want us to know about it. For example, it would appear that Donatella Versace recently refused to allow ‘real women’ to model her new collection for H&M, reneging on a previous agreement to do so. 

What is Donatella afraid of? What would be the motive for such a cowardly, overtly disrespectful decision? Is she afraid that her designs will not look good on the women who would buy them? 

Her rhetoric has it that only professional models can convey the modern edge that the line requires to be shown at it’s best. Further, that branding is the impetus behind commercial success and that such a decision is made in the world of the merchandiser not the designer.  I’m not buying that and neither should you. (Yes, double-entendre intended!) 

My guess is that poor design, fabrication and construction is at the heart of the decision. If a garment only looks look while draped on a hanger (sorry, uber-thin/tall professional models,) it’s probably not for real women. If skin, muscle and curves destroy the ‘designer quality’ or silhouette of the item, why buy it? 

There are female designers such as Donna Karan who have embraced their own lovely reality and design with cut and fabric that celebrate softness, sensuality and femininity. Karan’s commercial success should be an inspiration to all female designers: look in the mirror and see what real women need and will buy. There lies the unstoppable synergy between merchandiser and designer and the formula for mega commercial success. That, I’m buying! 

Babe Hope is a stylist, blogger and model at Ullapopken.com. She is the author of Pretty Plus: How to Look Sexy, Sensational and Successful, No Matter What You Weigh, Her weekly column can be found at http://ullablog.blogspot.com/

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Pretty Women Have Their Own Set Of Rules

 

by Linda Franklin

It’s no shock that the portrayal of women in the media – young, sexy, skinny, tall – makes the rest of us feel flawed. When we look at the 40,000 or so ads that the average American is exposed to each year, it’s no wonder women are feeling inadequate. The average female model weighs up to 25% less than the typical woman and maintains a weight at about 15 to 20% below what is considered healthy for her age and height. It leaves us wondering how much importance is placed on pretty in this mixed up world we live in.

Well, as it turns out, pretty counts for a lot. As much as we want to believe we are not judged on how we look, that’s the very thing that opens so many doors for us. A pretty woman gets more opportunities and lots more help when she needs it. Just try getting any kind of assistance on a day when you are looking particularly frumpy – no makeup, stringy hair, sweatsuit and sneakers. If you don’t believe me get all dolled and see if you are treated any differently. The more attractive version of you will always win out – it’s just the way it is.

Actually, there are a whole set of different rules for the pretty woman. She can slip past velvet ropes, get preferential seating in restaurants, and even smile their way out of traffic tickets…and that’s just for starters.

People assume that if a woman is attractive, she possesses other positive traits, such as kindness and intelligence,” says behavioral psychologist Stephen Josephson, Ph.D., of Weill Cornell Medical College. So it’s not surprising that a study conducted by Daniel Hamermesh, Ph.D., and Jeff Biddle, Ph.D., economics professors at the University of Texas and Michigan State University, respectively, revealed that “plain” people earn 1 to 15 percent less than people with average looks, who in turn earn 1 to 13 percent less than those deemed good-looking.
Job recruiters have come to learn that sending out attractive women will get a much better reaction from their clients. Whether they admit it or not, many employers feel that having pretty female employees will reflect well on their firm. And, let’s face it, men want to be surrounded by pretty women.

So here’s the bottom line. You can choose to fight the obvious or perhaps it would be wiser to get a few well-placed highlights and dab on a little lip gloss. This will help create an aura not only of attractiveness but also of self-confidence. When you feel good about yourself, it changes the way you carry yourself. You can noticed.
“Occasionally being pretty can backfire”, says Stephen Josephson. “It’s the bimbo effect. “If a beautiful woman succeeds, she often finds herself fielding insinuations that her accomplishments are based solely on her looks.” And although a 2009 Journal of Applied Psychology report found that handsome people do have an edge over their less comely counterparts with regard to salaries, it turns out that intelligence trumps all.

So ladies, all is not lost – intelligence is still our most important asset. Nevertheless, I’m not ready to give up my highlights or lip gloss anytime soon.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Number One Reason People Get Divorced

By Linda Franklin 

Falling out of love is the new number one reason couples are divorcing according to Your Tango. After doing a survey of divorced or divorcing couples, infidelity has now been bumped down to number two.  Cheating had been number one for the eight years.

Essentially, the survey has found that couples are more willing to work through a partner’s sexual indiscretions than they are through a dry, loveless relationship. And who can blame them?

In the old days, there weren’t any options and women didn’t have their own incomes. Things have changed with the two income household among other things. I’ve always questioned whether or not women’s resolve to stay in a sexually decrepit marriage was due to the the idealistic reasons they posed. Men, on the other hand, have gone to mistresses and sex workers to satisfy their needs, seeing that as their right– their entitlement. The show Mad Men on AMC does a great job displaying this.

Today more couple are rethinking sex’s role in a relationship. They’re spending more time getting better at it and the other things that make it great and communication smooth.  They’re taking sex more seriously. . When they do, it makes them wake up one day and say things like, “I’m falling in low with my husband/wife all over again”.

Sustainable great sex, is a major untapped resource to refuel the state of being in love. 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Aging Has It’s Rough Moments

By Linda Franklin -

 Is it true that once we hit 45 looking in the mirror becomes painful? I guess most of us would agree that it’s hard to come to terms with getting older and our faces only confirm what we feel inside.

In a survey of 3,000 people done in Briton, they found just a handful of middle-aged people checked their reflection more than once a day. I find that hard to believe don’t you?  Even though I may not always like what I see looking back at me, I am compelled to check myself out when I pass by a mirror.  For me that likely to be more than 10 times a day.

They found that women with dyed blonde hair are four times as likely to check themselves out in their mirrors at home (or in store windows) than those with grey hair.

Here’s what one woman had to say.  “We don’t like what the aging process does to us and by the time we reach 45 we are no longer, as far as most are concerned, looking our best. Those pesky mirrors just remind us that we’re not getting any younger and so we tend to look into them far less.”

Well I don’t know what’s going on in Briton but here in the good old USA women are looking fabulous well into their 70′s.  It doesn’t happen magically – it involves putting many different pieces of the anti-aging puzzle in place.  Better diet, regular exercise, bio-identical hormones, a good skin care regime, a flattering wardrobe, regular trips to the hair salon, lots of sex and of course happiness paired with a great attitude.

So the next time you pass a mirror and take a look at yourself stick out your chest, smile and say to yourself I’m fabulous -  “bring it on”.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Willpower, Sugar Levels and Life’s Frustrations

By Linda Franklin

Ask people to name their greatest strengths and they’ll often credit themselves with honesty, kindness, humor, creativity and even modesty — but not self-control,’ write Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney in their book Willpower: Rediscovering The Greatest Human Strength.

Conversely, when people were asked about their failings, a lack of self-control was top of the list.’

It’s true isn’t it.  We live in a world filled with temptations and distractions. It’s too easy to say: ‘Oh I’ll finish this work later, after I’ve checked Facebook, looked at Twitter and had a search of the internet.’ 

So what can be done — is it possible to learn willpower? Baumeister and Tierney say yes. 

Cravings can be beaten by controlling glucose levels and sleep habits. Self-control is about more than just saying no to things. Their findings show the moments when our glucose levels are at their lowest are the moments when we make poor decisions or fail to get anything done. The lower our blood sugar levels, the angrier we feel and, in turn, the less control we have over our actions.

In one test, subjects were split into two groups. One was given lemonade mixed with sugar, the other a drink with diet sweetener. Both were then told to play a computer game. As the game got harder, those who had sipped the drink with sugar grumbled mildly, but kept playing, while those who had the diet drink ‘started cursing and banging the computer’.  Sound familiar???
It’s not our levels of tiredness and aggression which are affected by low blood sugar. According to the book, using the part of our brain that determines self-control uses up more of our body’s glucose supplies than normal. This causes us to crave sweet things to replenish our blood sugar levels. We know this is bad news if we’re trying to lose weight and explains why healthy eating plans can be so hard to stick to.

Another key factor is when we eat it. Glucose depletion can turn even the most charming companion into a monster,’ write the authors. ‘The old advice about eating a good breakfast applies all day long, particularly on days when you’re physically or mentally stressed.

‘Don’t get into an argument with your boss four hours after lunch. Don’t thrash out serious problems with your partner just before dinner.’

The book claims if we want to improve our resolve, our sleeping habits need to be altered as well — those who sleep longer at night have more willpower as they are more rested.

HOW TO MAXIMIZE YOUR WILLPOWER

• Know your limits. Your supply of willpower is limited so you may start each day with a renewed stock, but things will gradually deplete it.
• If you sense your glucose levels are low, reach for a low GI snack, such as a handful of blueberries or nuts.
• Pick your battles. You can’t control the stresses in your life, but you can make sure you’re not trying to diet at the same time as giving up alcohol and starting a new job.
• Don’t get stuck in a routine. To break a habit like smoking, do it on holiday when you’re far away from the people, places and events you associate with cigarettes.
• When you set a goal, have a reward for reaching it. Never underestimate how little it takes to motivate.
• Remember, what matters is the exertion not the outcome. If you struggle with temptation and then give in, your reserves of willpower are still depleted because you struggled.

So can you rediscover your willpower with this book? Many readers say YES.  They spent seven days following its rules — sleeping eight hours a night, eating healthily and keeping a food diary and prioritizing the things they found most important. But, by the end of the first week, most said they felt healthier and happier.  And, the best part, they lost a few pounds.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.