Discovering Your Strengths

By Linda Franklin

Charlotte Beers is a titan of the advertising industry. She’s graced the cover of Fortune magazine as one of the most powerful women in business, worked for Presidential administrations, and currently serves on the Board of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.

In this video of her TEDx talk, Charlotte shares many insights about discovering your strengths, learning from your background and doing what needs to be done. She’s a very smart lady.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Bad Sex Is Pandemic

Bad Sex Is Pandemic Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanBad sex is pandemic so says, Paul Nelson an  Erectile Dysfunction coach and patient educator. A prostate cancer survivor at 46, Paul discovered during his recovery from surgery, that there was almost no authentic information about erectile dysfunction anywhere on the internet.

 

In 2009, he founded www.franktalk.org, the first noncommercial website for ED. He is now president of the Erectile Dysfunction Foundation, Inc (501c3) the country’s only advocacy/support organization for men with sexual dysfunction.

Here’s what Paul has to say:

Every day I sit down with guys who tell me the same story. Something isn’t working. It’s always a combination of causes. But the underlying cause of it all is somewhere, somehow, someone spread a lot of rules about sex (really bad rules) that sex is a hard penis in a vagina (or any other orifice). Women are supposed to crave it; men can base their self-esteem on how long they can keep it there.

Part of the problem is that many guys aren’t sure what to do other than intercourse or oral sex. This is where the woman has a fantastic opportunity to teach – but for many reasons, many women continue to have sex by the same bad rules.

This is a letter I wrote this morning to a 37 year old guy who was having performance issues. He watches a lot of porn and he can stay hard. With his wife, he loses his erection. I could photocopy this letter and give it out to most of my guys.

To read Bob’s answer to this question so many guys have click here.

There’s lots more information on Paul’s website  http://www.theedcoach.com/

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sexual Attraction To Older Women

by Linda Franklin

Sexual Attraction To Older Women Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI was surfing online this morning and found this interesting email from a 24 year old man who is attracted only to older women.   He wrote for advice from Betty Dodson.  Betty is an 80+ sex educator extraordinaire, so I wanted to share her insights with my readers.  By the way,  Betty and I share the same views on Cougar relationships, which have always gotten such a bad rap.  If you, or someone you know is questioning their attraction  – send them this brief article.

I am a good-looking 24 year old man. I am writing to talk about a strange psycho-sexual perversion I have. Since teenage years I am tremendously and almost exclusively attracted to older women, that is women who are 35 or above (the ages I find most attractive are 40 to 55 but I have fantasized about women a lot older than that too). This is not some fantasy for fit looking ‘milfs’ as is the trend these days, but I like women who look natural, have wrinkles, crow’s feet, grey streaks of hair and other markings of age.

I like women who have experienced life, understood themselves and their bodies and accepted the ways of nature- so the more a woman accepts her true physical body, the more I tend to find her irresistible. A woman who accepts her sexuality or her emotional nature or for that matter her strength or masculinity, should she be fundamentally that way, is attractive to me. I understand there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, except that this attraction seems exclusive, to the extent that it is very hard for me to stay aroused around younger partners, I have to think up some older women I fantasize about. This makes my love life terrible and hellish. I sometimes think I have this idealistic vision of an older woman who is radiating intelligence as well as motherly warmth, who respects and adores and accepts me, as she accepts herself, and we love each other deeply.

Let me elaborate. I can love and deeply care for women around my age (I am 24). I forge deep, loving emotional bonds with women in my age range, and usually these relationships are sisterly rather than romantic. But put in a woman above 35 around me and I start seeing something sexual in her.

My personal theory is that it results from how I grew up- I had a cold, undemonstrative mother and an almost cruel, truculent grandmother in my house when I was growing up. Also my mom always wanted to superficially hide her age and look younger. In fact I always used to ask her how old she was but she would never tell me. My mother also was rather strict and wanted me to suppress my sexuality, never masturbate or date in school. I feel that now when I see women who could fit in the roles of mothers or grandmothers for me, and are rather sweet, kind old women, I somehow get sexually aroused and fantasize of being intimate with them.

I know this is rather long, but I have tried to probe myself honestly. Given that society has such a taboo against younger men dating older women, I have never had an older lover. In fact i do not know how to find them. Most older women looking to have sex with younger men seem to treat men like young meat to be used for a fling. I therefore want to be able to feel sexual attraction to young girls as well.This is affecting my personal life. Please advise. I will be really grateful.

A

Dear A,

The dynamic you describe is more prevalent than we are led to believe. As a matter of fact, the whole “Cougar” phomenon deals with this in a crass commercial way that emphasizes the sexual double standard. When a man has the same interest, he’s called a “Silver Fox” and society completely approves. We often sneer at the older woman doing the same thing.

The first problem is your own harsh judgement. I would not consider this attraction of yours to be a “psycho-sexual perversion!” Embrace your attraction and learn from the experience. What you resist will persist.

Throughout my seventies, I had a live-in lover who was some 40 years younger. He became my apprentice and I taught him about sex from my POV. After 10 years, he moved along and has since gotten married to an age appropriate young woman. So I personally know the joys and pitfalls of the younger/older couple dynamic. For any young man, having an older woman who is knowledgeable about sex as a lover is the best way to learn about sex. Get my e-book *Orgasms for Two* which reflects the special relationship I had with my very young lover.

Now that I’m in my early 80′s, a younger man would be in his 40′s or 50′s. But if you lived next door, I swoop you up in a heartbeat and you would be ravished by a wise old grandmother. Well, it’s at least fun to fantasize isn’t it. Acceptance my dear boy, acceptance. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older women. Declare your sexual independence day and Live out this attraction which will liberate you to be free to enjoy both younger and older women.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Women’s Sexual Fantasies Updated

Women's Sexual Fantasies Updated Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanBy Linda Franklin

There’s a new book out that is aiming to revamp Nancy Friday’s 1973 bedroom rulebook, My Secret Garden. Ah yes, remember it well.

Garden Of Desires: The Evolution Of Women’s  Sexual Fantasies by Emily Dubberley delves into the female sexual zeitgeist and explores what’s changed (and why) when it comes to women and sex over the past  40 years: specifically, what turns us on these days.

In her book Dubberley zones in on five key  female sexual desires. And they are?    submissive fantasies, dominant fantasies, exhibitionism and voyeurism, group  sex, and partner fantasies.

SUBMISSIVE  FANTASIES

Fantasies of this nature vary from simply  being tied-up to the bed all the way through to having a formalized sex contract  complete with rules about which way you look, in the vein of Christian Grey and  Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades Of Grey.

Props such as whips, handcuffs, gags and  blindfolds are common in this type of fantasy.

Submissions could be emotional or physical  and may involve role-play – in some cases even going as far as pretending to be  a rape victim or a sex slave.

DOMINANT  FANTASIES

When the roles are reversed and the man  becomes the submissive to the female dominatrix. Role-play includes cheating on  a partner and being in control of a sex slave.

With research suggesting it’s very popular,  and almost a third of people report having these fantasies at some point, the  (sometimes literal ball-buster is a very popular role indeed.

The fantasy is about the woman being in  control of what happens in bed and inflicting both pleasure and pain as she sees  fit.

EXHIBITIONISM AND  VOYEURISM

Whether you’re doing it in the garden, the  park, on an aeroplane, in the stationery closet at work or simply beside an open window in your own home, the idea of being somewhere where you could get  caught or even be watched is a big turn-on for women.

Indeed, women in the book talk about the  secondary eroticism of watching others having sex, and the excitement of being  intimate when you know for certain you are being watched.

GROUP SEX

With so much going on when you have sex as  part of a group, many women relish the idea of being very, er, well-looked.

There is also an element of anonymity in some  cases, or, if you are part of a couple, bringing something new, different and  exciting into the bedroom.

For others the idea of experimenting with  your sexuality by engaging intimately with a member of the same sex is where the  fantasy lies.

PARTNER  FANTASIES

Quite simply, the idea of having sex with a  loving, exclusive partner really gets women hot under the collar.

Similarly, the idea of regular sex with a  specific partner who is not your own is also a fantasy, for example a celebrity,  a friend, or a work colleague crush.

Well, there you have it.  Do you agree with the latest findings?  Or do you have your own secret garden fantasy you want to share with us?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Female Orgasm Great For The Brain

by Linda Franklin

Female Orgasm - Great For The Brain Linda Franklin, The Real Cougar Woman Exciting News!!! Having an orgasm could actually give your brain a better workout than doing a crossword puzzle or a Sudoku, a neuroscientist has claimed.

The sensation increases brain activity across the whole organ whereas a puzzle activates only relatively localized regions, said Professor Barry Komisaruk.

The Rutgers University professor came to these conclusions after studying women in his laboratory at the university’s Department of Psychology. He measured the blood flow to their brains as they climaxed. He believes there is much more to learn about sexual climax, saying, we know virtually nothing about pleasure.

So while the good professor is doing more research, keep having those fabulous orgasms.  Not only are you having fun, it’s actually making you smarter.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cowell Not Only Man Who Chooses Lookalike Lovers

by Linda Franklin

Cowell Not Only Man Who C

Sharon Stone on Aging and Sexuality

by Linda Franklin

Sharon Stone on Aging and Sexuality Linda Franklin, The Real Cougar WomanSharon Stone has never been the shy type so when she talked about aging and sexuality now that she’s 55 I was curious to what she had to say.

And,  even at 55, she has  no problem attracting younger men in a town that worships youth.  She is not alone – women tell me the same thing all the time.  Older woman have a special je ne sais quoi that’s quite intoxicating.

“It’s not like fifty is the new thirty. It’s like fifty is the new chapter. We know so much at this age, and people realize we’re the ones with experience. We’re a very colorful generation that is leading once again.

People are afraid of changing; that they’re losing something. They don’t understand that they are also gaining something.

I thought I lost the deep vortex on my eyelid that you have when you’re younger, but I gained almost a kind of beautiful abyss. As I lost the fullness in my face, I got in these great cheekbones. I can’t tell you how many doctors try to sell me a facelift. I’ve even gone as far as having someone talk me into it, but when I went over and looked at pictures of myself, I thought, “What are they going to lift?”

Yes, I have come close – but, frankly, I think that in the art of aging well there’s this sexuality to having those imperfections. It’s sensual.”

I feel more beautiful and sensual today than I did at 22…older women turn me on”.

There you have it.  Love yourself no matter what age you are.  When you do – others will too.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Identifying Your Sexual Personality

by Linda Franklin

Identifying Your Sexual Personality Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI never really thought about it but apparently, we all have a sexual personality.  And, understanding yours (and your partner’s) is the key to having great sex together.

Here are the differently categories your sexual personality fall into:

Energizers

Catch you on a good day and you’re an exciting, seductive creature who mesmerizes and dazzles your lovers with bucket loads of confidence, extraordinary technique and unbridled enthusiasm. The downside is you’re a little self-absorbed and like to be top of the game in everything you do – including sex.

Is this you?

  • Are you pretty much up for anything? You like talking dirty, watching porn, trying out sex toys and having sex outside?
  • When you ask ‘How was it for you?’ do you really mean ‘How was I?’…?
  • Do you see sex as a source of pleasure, fun and a great way to connect to your partner? 

Stabilizers

Cautious and cooperative, as the name suggests, you’ll do anything for a peaceful life. Kind and generous, you initially present as heaven on a stick – especially to someone who’s just emerged, bruised and battered from a relationship with a demanding energizer. But – unusually – you’d rather give than receive pleasure. You don’t like talking about sex problems and tend to clam up.

Is this you?

  • Do you get more pleasure giving than receiving?
  • Do you feel uncomfortable speaking up about what you need your partner to do to satisfy you?
  • Do partners often ask if you enjoy having sex with them because they’re not sure?

Connectors

For you, sex is more about expressing love and feelings than it is physical release. You’re less interested in sexual performance and more focused on the emotional benefits of sex: intimacy rather than orgasm is your aim.

Is this you?

  • Are you more inclined to cuddle up than initiate sex?
  • Does the emotional temperature have to be just right before you can get in the mood for sex?
  • Are you more interested in romantic sex than lusty or ‘dirty’ sex?

Worriers

It’s not that you don’t enjoy sex, it’s just something that’s often fraught with anxiety. You often feel under pressure to perform and worry you’re inadequate – both in how you look and what you’re doing in bed.

Is this you?

  • Do you have a naturally low libido – or none at all?
  • Have you had some distressing sexual encounters in your past and think of sex as something to be feared or disliked?
  • Is your self-esteem low both in bed and out of it? 

Controllers

You like routine both in and out of the bedroom and the feeling of being in control. You dislike change and find it quite stressful so the impromptu sexual surprise that would thrill others, instead freaks you out. Predictable sex that follows a tried-and-true set pattern is your idea of sexual nirvana.

Is this you?

  • Do you feel threatened or insulted if your partner wants to try something new?
  • Can you only orgasm through a particular, often quite specific technique?
  • Do you like to be in control of your emotions generally? 
If you don’t fall into any of these categories, please feel free to comment on other options.
The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

First Time Sex Tips – The Second Time

First Time Sex Tips - The Second Time Around Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanAnother week and another study. The latest one reports that it’s unlikely that we will  go the distance with our current partners.  Yikes!  So there’s a better than even chance you will once again have the FIRST TIME SEX experience.
In case you’ve forgotten what works well with first time sex here are a few important reminders:
Oral Sex -  it’s not only one of his favorite things, (and hopefully yours) it shows you’re as interested in giving as you are receiving pleasure.

Be active -  I’m not suggesting you bounce around the bed like a excited puppy, but please don’t leave it up to him to make all the moves.

• Don’t Stress About Your Body - Hiding under the covers, insisting the lights are turned out – you know the drill. Even if your thighs don’t look like they did 20 years ago – here you are having sex!  Revel in thinking about that.

. Relax -: Don’t stress about his performance or yours or you will both be disappointed.  First time sex can be intense and erotic but it’s also highly charged with expectations. Both of you are nervous and eager for it to go well, but it’s easier for a woman to hide what’s really going on. Don’t over-react, take it personally or make him feel bad if the first time he has trouble maintaining an erection or experiences premature ejaculation.Treat it lightly, don’t make a big deal out of it and let him know it’s normal and you understand.  Let him know you’re set for open, honest, communicative sex.

• Save the post-sex emotional fallout for your friends: If he really doesn’t want to know you now after he’s had his way with you, trying to find out if you’re an item will be even more humiliating. If he really likes you, he will be in contact within a day or so to plan the next date.

The more relaxed you are about the whole thing, the more smitten he’ll be. Be affectionate and shoot a few meaningful looks so he knows it meant something (if indeed it did), but resist hanging onto his leg as he makes for the front door.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sexual Relationships With Older Women

Sexual Relationships With Older Women Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Womanby Linda Franklin

Younger men who have a sexual preference for older woman often wonder if there is something wrong with them.  One young man says, “for some reason older women just seem to attract me a lot, but it’s really not that commonplace.”  He went on to say, ” girls my own age don’t turn me on but older women - oh boy”.   He’s asking what should he do?

First of all it’s important to realize that there is nothing wrong with the cub and cougar dynamic. However, always remember that older women are NOT predators.  They are confident, independent females who have come to realize what they want and what makes them happy. These relationships make all the sense in the world when you think about it: What better way for a young guy to learn the fine art of pleasing a woman than learning from someone who has figured that out on her own.

There are many types of relationships that can blossom from this dynamic – anything from enjoying the moment to something more lasting.  Like anything else it depends on what’s important to both people involved.  Never be afraid to make that known up front.

There shouldn’t be a problem - as long as both parties don’t become too possessive and are willing to let go when and if the time is right to do that. Often when the sexual relationship is over the friendship does remain intact.

So bottom line – don’t be afraid to dip your toe in the water if it feels right.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.