New Year Resolution That Actually Works

by Linda Franklin

New Years Resolution That Works Like you, I have read countless renditions of why New Year’s resolutions never work. We make promises to ourselves that we don’t keep and then kick ourselves in the ass because we didn’t.

Well I think that may change if you can actually do what Laurie Johnson suggests. I know I am taking her words of wisdom to heart and plan to start 2014 doing things in a more productive way.

Here is what Laurie suggests:

Just like creating successful vision boards, prayers and spells, there is a method to making New Year’s resolutions successful and it’s above and beyond just making a list or announcing how you’re going to change.

If you’re really committed to bringing a change or newness into your life, here is a formula that is taken from several different spiritual practices, all with the same core ideas, boiled down into a simple working instruction manual. The trick is, as it is with everything: the more you put into it, the more you get back.

Be very clear what you want. That sounds too simple, but the truth is most people know what they want in theory, not in fact. Some practices say to be exact and detailed in creating an intention. However, because we are aware of perhaps only one or two ways out of 1,000 to get what we want, being detailed limits how a desire can be accomplished.

We all have guides, angels and ancestors helping us achieve these goals. They know so much more about what is possible than we do. Give them your clarity and let them do the details. By saying: “I have my perfect job that provides more money than I need, in a convenient location with respectful co-workers and a smart, understanding boss who appreciates me,” your spiritual posse can bring you something in a way you might not have considered that is better than you could have imagined.

Know you deserve it. Many times I’ve met people who want a love spell that is more about finding someone to fix them than it’s about finding a soul mate. That can be seen as the same thing but it isn’t. If you’re unhappy that you’re overweight and want to call in someone to understand all the traumas you’ve had in your life without working on them yourself, all you get is someone who is as displeased with their bodies as you are and is looking for someone to understand them. You get what you put out. So know you deserve what you’re resolving to get or work on changing that within yourself before you call anything else to you.

Believe you get what you ask for. If you put out clear resolutions verbally but your energy is exuding doubt and resentment because you don’t believe anything will change for you, you’ve already defeated your intentions. Again, what you put out is what you get back. If you don’t have faith you can get what you ask for, take a leap.

Give your guides, angels and ancestors permission to help. The energies that look out for us help us accomplish whatever we ask for. But there’s a non-interference clause on the other side that stops them fixing things that we don’t ask for. So give them permission to help you accomplish your goals in any way they see fit for your best and highest interest.

Using correct words is vital. It’s important to put your resolutions in words that do the best good. That means avoid all negative “n” words: no, not, never, especially negative contractions. And avoid all words expressing lack, like “need”, “want”, “desire”, “wish”, “require”. The subconscious, which changes your vibrations to accept what you ask for, skips over any negative “n” words, usually with the same vehemence a negative statement is said. “I won’t eat sugar anymore!” That just programs you to eat sugar. “I want happiness in my life.” That indicates you don’t have it so the vibe this statement puts off is of lack, which only brings lack back. Instead: “I eat healthy foods without sugar.” and “I call happiness to my life.”

Keep it in the present tense. The future never comes. To tell yourself and your spiritual posse that you will accomplish something puts it forever out of reach. “I have…” “I am…” “I do…” are all far more successful and much clearer for your subconscious and guides to understand. The spiritual realm lives without our concept of time, so using the future tense only sends unclear messages.

Now using all of the above, make a list of 40 things you resolve to accomplish. 40 is a powerful, sacred number used through time to create change. This can be a list of 40 different things, or 40 versions of the same thing.

If you’re working on knowing you deserve something first, start the 40 things with “I am a worthy human being.” Then write 39 things or ways you deserve to get your desire, all starting with “I deserve… (to be loved, to have happiness in my life, to have a fulfilling job, etc.)”.

Read this list aloud to yourself right before you go to bed (and right after you wake up, or either/or) for 40 days in a row. Doing it at night makes it the thing your subconscious focuses on while you sleep; doing it in the morning programs your subconscious to think and work on it all day. If you skip one day, start again from Day One. You need the cumulative energy of 40 days in a row to really make change.

During the reading of the list (or before or after), take the time to feel the success of what you asked for as if it’s already happened. We accomplish more with intention and resolutions if we involve all our senses when asking for them. So if you’re calling a new home to you, feel your satisfaction of being in the new home as if it’s already happened.

At the end of the 40 days, burn the list and let your new vibration work for you. Allow it to work without worry, fear or resentment. Have patience, have faith and let go of the control.

Also be aware there are specific days of the week that are best to start resolutions that aren’t necessarily January 1st (or January 31st if you go by Chinese Astrology). None of them are Monday or Wednesday. Here’s why:

Monday is ruled by the Moon so anything started on Monday changes all the time, as the Moon changes her appearance in our orbit daily.Wednesday is ruled by Mercury and moves very quickly in an 88 day orbit around the Sun. Starting things on Wednesday means anything long term will come to conclusion much faster than intended.

Tuesday is a good day to start almost anything as it’s ruled by Mars, with good fire energy to accomplish most resolutions. If it’s about business – especially the entertainment or creative business – Thursday is your day. It’s ruled by Jupiter and is about expansiveness, growth and success. And Jupiter is very fond of creative people and artistic endeavors.

If you’re resolving anything to do with your body, as in eating better, losing weight or staying in shape, then, for women, start on a Friday (ruled by Venus) or for men, on Tuesday (again, ruled by Mars). To call love to you, start on a Friday for both men and women. To change the structure of your life or things regarding where you live, start on Saturday (ruled by Saturn). Call joy and happiness to you on Sunday(ruled by the Sun).

I wish us all great good luck and growth for our journey as human beings in 2014.

Happy New Year!

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Dresses Made For Your Body

by Linda Franklin

Dress  Made For Your Body  Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanHow often have you tried on a garment and loved the fit the first time around? Sounds nearly impossible doesn’t it? I know it is for me. If the top works then the skirt is too tight. Or the bottom is fine but it pulls across the breasts. Those one-size-fits all sizes really takes the fun out shopping.

All of us are uniquely built and enjoy our own sense of style. You know only to well, that when we look good, we feel good which allows our confidence to radiate in everything we do.

A perfect wardrobe pick-me-up is coming to your shopping rescue. NUMARI offers custom fit women’s wear. Yes, that means the styles we love, custom fit to your body measurements, and even styling preferences. Prefer to wear your dresses shorter or longer? Those customizations are included too. The brand is entirely focused on delivering a better product, with better functionality – ultimately those “go-to” pieces that live in your wardrobe for a long period of time.

Founded by two women entrepreneurs Komal Kushalraj and Arti Anand, NUMARI is built on the principle that every woman’s body and style is uniquely hers. After their own personal frustration with the existing standard sized apparel and trouble finding perfectly tailored garments, Komal and Arti decided to start NUMARI with a vision to make made-to-measure apparel accessible and affordable.

Their initial preview collection of dresses was fashioned by celebrity designer Bert Keeter (you may have also seen him on Project Runway) and features dresses that can easily be transitioned from the boardroom to cocktails.

What’s more, NUMARI stands for what’s important to all of us fabulous females. It’s a brand about confidence, individuality, and fun. The company describes a NUMARI woman as someone who is kind, smart and unapologetically ambitious. A woman who has deep appreciation for fashion and believes in impeccable presentation. Sound familiar?

So before you begin the next year, ask yourself: “Does my wardrobe inspire a sense of empowerment?” If not, make the change. Love how you feel inside and out. And own your moment.

To learn more about NUMARI and how it’s changing the way we shop for clothes visit their website and follow them on Facebook and Twitter.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Discovering Your Strengths

By Linda Franklin

Charlotte Beers is a titan of the advertising industry. She’s graced the cover of Fortune magazine as one of the most powerful women in business, worked for Presidential administrations, and currently serves on the Board of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.

In this video of her TEDx talk, Charlotte shares many insights about discovering your strengths, learning from your background and doing what needs to be done. She’s a very smart lady.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Cougars Hiding Preference For Younger Men

by Linda Franklin:

Cougars Hiding Preference for Younger Men Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanThe personal emails I receive from my readers make the best blogs.   They capture what is really going on in the world of younger men who prefer being with an older woman.

This story may resonate with you.  If it does perhaps you can share your story too.   The man who wrote this is 39 and has always preferred older women.

Recently, I hit the dating websites after a few years absence, and one thing I noticed is how women in their 40′s and 50′s try to conceal their preferences for younger partners and how prevalent this is.

You would notice for example how a 46 year old woman gives “30-50″ as the desired age for her partner. Or how a 50 year old woman gives “32-54″ as the desired age for her partner. Or how a less subtle 48 year old woman gives “30-49″ as her match’s age.

In a more transparent world, those age ranges would probably read as “26-38″  -”18-40″ and “24-36″,  for our less subtle friend. The higher end of every range is probably what they’d consider an ideal marriage partner.

I would say that a sizable percentage of the profiles in the 40-60 age group reflected these same patterns. A lot of times women are guilty of the double standard themselves.

Men who have interest in younger partners are not shy at all about spelling out the true age-range they’re looking for. Granted, society conspires with men on the issue, but history shows that only when a critical mass ask for equality do we start to some real changes both in attitudes and facts on the ground.

It is a catch-22. Society is brutally harsh towards those women who would be open about their preferences. Yet without a critical mass speaking with one voice change won’t happen.

Do you agree with what this man is experiencing, or, are you the woman who is completely up front about the age of the man you want to date?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Man’s View On The Old Double Standard

Mans View of the Old Double Standard Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI received the email below from a young man who had some very nice things to say about The Real Cougar Woman blog and especially the old double standard that I write about so often. Take a look and see if you agree.

Dear Linda:

I came across your blog and I am inspired by your work. You are a true leader and a true force of progress in society.

I am one of these men who have always been attracted to older women but almost all of the time yielded to the social pressures and dynamics and dated women my age. The double standards you so eloquently speak of are not only destructive to women. But to men too.
I am older (39yo) and a little wiser now and if time were to go back I would have done things very differently.

I could share some of my I stories but I am sure it is nothing you haven’t heard before. I see the double standards you speak of around me all the time. At work and beyond. In my work, I serve in some mid-level management role at a fortune-100 company. It is not a very high position but it still high enough to see see what you speak of around me at work all the time. I have seen women denied leadership positions they deserve when they’re more qualified and by far make better project managers and even better managers overall. I have seen women work so quietly and patiently without expecting any rewards. Work which is taken for granted and which when done by men is immediately recognized. I have seen all that and I have seen much more. Yet there is no place where the double standards are hurtful and even destructive to society than the realm of male-female unions and relationships. An older man having a relationship with a younger woman is turned into a hero even if there is zero track record of any substance to these relationships throughout history. An older woman having a real relationship with a younger man where they so effortlessly and naturally connect on every level (intellectually, emotionally, and sexually) and it is considered a criminal act by society with the couple vilified, scorned, and turned into social outcasts.

I loved your piece about Angela Merkel BTW. If only the whole world was run by Angela Merkels. If she were a man, fairy tales of her glory and statesmanship, and economic genius would fill the airwaves, be written in about countless books etc etc. The world hates women leaders. That is the sad truth. But with more voices like yours maybe society would change. Maybe the world would change. If one thinks of the changes that happened over the last 40years, one can hope that the changes needed here are not impossible. Humanity will eventually see the light sooner or late. Perhaps one day most of of the fortune 500 would be run women as they should be. Perhaps then too it would be celebrated with no reservations when a 45yo woman marries a 29yo man. Perhaps then it would be such an ordinary and frequent event that people would look back with amazement and amusement at the time when the world was up-side-down. It can happen and thanks to you it will.

With love and affection,
M.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Bad Sex Is Pandemic

Bad Sex Is Pandemic Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanBad sex is pandemic so says, Paul Nelson an  Erectile Dysfunction coach and patient educator. A prostate cancer survivor at 46, Paul discovered during his recovery from surgery, that there was almost no authentic information about erectile dysfunction anywhere on the internet.

 

In 2009, he founded www.franktalk.org, the first noncommercial website for ED. He is now president of the Erectile Dysfunction Foundation, Inc (501c3) the country’s only advocacy/support organization for men with sexual dysfunction.

Here’s what Paul has to say:

Every day I sit down with guys who tell me the same story. Something isn’t working. It’s always a combination of causes. But the underlying cause of it all is somewhere, somehow, someone spread a lot of rules about sex (really bad rules) that sex is a hard penis in a vagina (or any other orifice). Women are supposed to crave it; men can base their self-esteem on how long they can keep it there.

Part of the problem is that many guys aren’t sure what to do other than intercourse or oral sex. This is where the woman has a fantastic opportunity to teach – but for many reasons, many women continue to have sex by the same bad rules.

This is a letter I wrote this morning to a 37 year old guy who was having performance issues. He watches a lot of porn and he can stay hard. With his wife, he loses his erection. I could photocopy this letter and give it out to most of my guys.

To read Bob’s answer to this question so many guys have click here.

There’s lots more information on Paul’s website  http://www.theedcoach.com/

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Sexual Attraction To Older Women

by Linda Franklin

Sexual Attraction To Older Women Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanI was surfing online this morning and found this interesting email from a 24 year old man who is attracted only to older women.   He wrote for advice from Betty Dodson.  Betty is an 80+ sex educator extraordinaire, so I wanted to share her insights with my readers.  By the way,  Betty and I share the same views on Cougar relationships, which have always gotten such a bad rap.  If you, or someone you know is questioning their attraction  – send them this brief article.

I am a good-looking 24 year old man. I am writing to talk about a strange psycho-sexual perversion I have. Since teenage years I am tremendously and almost exclusively attracted to older women, that is women who are 35 or above (the ages I find most attractive are 40 to 55 but I have fantasized about women a lot older than that too). This is not some fantasy for fit looking ‘milfs’ as is the trend these days, but I like women who look natural, have wrinkles, crow’s feet, grey streaks of hair and other markings of age.

I like women who have experienced life, understood themselves and their bodies and accepted the ways of nature- so the more a woman accepts her true physical body, the more I tend to find her irresistible. A woman who accepts her sexuality or her emotional nature or for that matter her strength or masculinity, should she be fundamentally that way, is attractive to me. I understand there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, except that this attraction seems exclusive, to the extent that it is very hard for me to stay aroused around younger partners, I have to think up some older women I fantasize about. This makes my love life terrible and hellish. I sometimes think I have this idealistic vision of an older woman who is radiating intelligence as well as motherly warmth, who respects and adores and accepts me, as she accepts herself, and we love each other deeply.

Let me elaborate. I can love and deeply care for women around my age (I am 24). I forge deep, loving emotional bonds with women in my age range, and usually these relationships are sisterly rather than romantic. But put in a woman above 35 around me and I start seeing something sexual in her.

My personal theory is that it results from how I grew up- I had a cold, undemonstrative mother and an almost cruel, truculent grandmother in my house when I was growing up. Also my mom always wanted to superficially hide her age and look younger. In fact I always used to ask her how old she was but she would never tell me. My mother also was rather strict and wanted me to suppress my sexuality, never masturbate or date in school. I feel that now when I see women who could fit in the roles of mothers or grandmothers for me, and are rather sweet, kind old women, I somehow get sexually aroused and fantasize of being intimate with them.

I know this is rather long, but I have tried to probe myself honestly. Given that society has such a taboo against younger men dating older women, I have never had an older lover. In fact i do not know how to find them. Most older women looking to have sex with younger men seem to treat men like young meat to be used for a fling. I therefore want to be able to feel sexual attraction to young girls as well.This is affecting my personal life. Please advise. I will be really grateful.

A

Dear A,

The dynamic you describe is more prevalent than we are led to believe. As a matter of fact, the whole “Cougar” phomenon deals with this in a crass commercial way that emphasizes the sexual double standard. When a man has the same interest, he’s called a “Silver Fox” and society completely approves. We often sneer at the older woman doing the same thing.

The first problem is your own harsh judgement. I would not consider this attraction of yours to be a “psycho-sexual perversion!” Embrace your attraction and learn from the experience. What you resist will persist.

Throughout my seventies, I had a live-in lover who was some 40 years younger. He became my apprentice and I taught him about sex from my POV. After 10 years, he moved along and has since gotten married to an age appropriate young woman. So I personally know the joys and pitfalls of the younger/older couple dynamic. For any young man, having an older woman who is knowledgeable about sex as a lover is the best way to learn about sex. Get my e-book *Orgasms for Two* which reflects the special relationship I had with my very young lover.

Now that I’m in my early 80′s, a younger man would be in his 40′s or 50′s. But if you lived next door, I swoop you up in a heartbeat and you would be ravished by a wise old grandmother. Well, it’s at least fun to fantasize isn’t it. Acceptance my dear boy, acceptance. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older women. Declare your sexual independence day and Live out this attraction which will liberate you to be free to enjoy both younger and older women.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.